She hated love

April 13, 2018 The Muse Drop 1 Comments

The question that plagued her for years swam in her head and she grimaced.

“Love,” she said out loud. It left a bad taste in her mouth.

She sighed, unable to associate the feeling of love with anything other than heartbreak. Surely, love was all heartbreak and nothing more, right? How could the idolized feeling that was so overrated ever be seen in a positive light?

After all, she only knew heartbreak because every love she had ever experienced resulted in a shattered heart and a crushed soul.

And she had protected herself from ever allowing herself to fall in love or to merely love because it was a feeling so fragile, it could never withstand this life. 

But even though she had convinced herself she was protected, life would throw her into love, breaking and crushing her until she was no more.

Her mother had left her when she was no more than a teenager, her father had left her on her eighteenth birthday, her brother had left her shortly after. And to top it all, when she had sworn off love forever, the young handsome man had knocked her off her feet. She had opened her heart to him, allowing herself to revel in a feeling so beautiful, yet so foreign. She allowed herself to fall in love, and she did. But then, he had dismantled her entire being, ripping the shards of her heart that he had already broken.

She cried for days, months... She cried until time became warped and held no meaning.

Love was not powerful, why had they lied to her? Why did every movie, every book, highlight an emotion that had the capacity to destroy people? She needed to escape to a world where love did not exist, for how could she live in a world where love was rife?

She knew that love would lead to the inevitable feeling of hurt, of hate, of hopelessness. So why risk it? Why give another human the capability of crushing her? Why give another human the power to control her emotions?

Even though she hated love, she despised it with every fiber of her being, she couldn't help but hope that maybe one day she would find a love that protected her. When this thought made its way from her heart to her mind, she spat in disgust. She didn't want to love, she didn't want to fall in love. She didn't want to experience love.

Because to her, love was nothing more than heartbreak.