Entangled Fate
•Prologue•
“Hammaad! Stop it!” Eight-year-old Husna Mohamed shrieked. Nine-year-old Hammaad Essop giggled playfully and continued to push the swing. “Hammaad! It’s going too high! Stop!”
“Okay! Sorry! Don’t get scared. I’m right here.” Hammaad said consolingly.
Husna panted loudly as the swing slowed down before it came to a standstill. “I’m going to tell on.”
“No! Please don’t. You know my mummy will get angry with me. Here, have some water.” He handed her the bottle of water that was perched next to the swing.
Carefully, Husna sipped it and then gave a huge grin. She walked over to Hammaad and slowly began to pour the water over his head. He screamed and started to run away, Husna hot on his heels.
“Kids! Get back inside, please! It’s almost Maghrib time!” Muneera, Hammaad’s mother yelled.
Hammaad turned to Husna and stuck out his tongue before making a beeline for the front door. Husna trailed behind him, the bottle still in her hand.
“What happened to you kids?” Muneera asked.
“Hammaad started it!” Husna said, pointing straight at Hammaad.
Muneera smiled. “I’m sorry, my darling. My son bothers you so much. He forgot that you’re also my daughter.”
Husna and Hammaad were best friends and next-door neighbour’s. Their parents often spent a lot of time together which led to the two becoming almost inseparable since their very first encounter with each other.
*10 years later*
Nineteen-year-old Hammaad smiled to himself as he recalled the fond memory of Husna. She was still his best friend, his better half as he often told her. But lately, he had begun to see her in a different light. He noticed the way her eyes lit up when she got excited and the way her voice would crack when she was sad. He noticed her brilliant smile and her slight dimple. He even noticed how elegant her hands always seemed to be. And he was almost certain that he had fallen in love with her a long time ago.
A sharp rap on the window of his car broke him out of his reverie. A smiling Husna stood before him, a big tin in her hands.
He smiled back. “You’re late.” He teased. “You know I have a lecture soon.”
Husna pulled open the door of the passenger seat. “I’m sorry!” She said breathlessly. “I was about to leave the house but my mum didn’t let me go until she packed this for you.” She handed the tin over to Hammaad.
“What’s this?”
“Your favourite!” Husna exclaimed.
He opened the tin and was met with the delicious aroma of freshly baked baklava. “Hmmmm, I think your mum should adopt me. She always spoils me.”
“And your mum should adopt me because she’s always spoiling me.” Husna said.
Hammaad grinned. “My mother probably loves you more than she loves me, you know.”
Husna winked slyly. “I know. She always takes my part.” She rolled down the window and turned back to Hammaad. “We better get going, Mr Complainer! Before you blame me that we’re late again!”
He rolled his eyes and started the car. Husna watched from the corner of her eye as he reached for the gear, the veins in his arm prominent. She knew she was attracted to him but how could she be? After all, they had grown up together. They were practically family. And besides, she doubted that he felt the same way about her.
"So what do you think?" Hammaad asked.
"Huh?" Husna asked breaking out of her thoughts.
"My cousin's wedding is coming up. I wanted to know if you'd help me choose a suit. I'm thinking about going with a royal blue suit. What do you think about that?"
"A royal blue suit on you? Why do you always have to be so extra? You might as well get yourself a velvet royal blue suit."
"You know I would if it wasn't so hot."
Husna scoffed. "Where did I find you and how on earth did we become best friends?"
Hammaad laughed. "We were forced into this friendship, okay?"
"I know. How sad. Why did our parents subject us to the torture of each others presence?"
"Hey! I know that even though I annoy the hell out of you, you still love me." Hammaad said.
"That's arguable." Husna teased.
After the half an hour ride filled with playful banter, Hammaad parked his car in the university parking lot. "Husna!" He groaned. "I'm already late for my lecture! Now the lecturer will probably call me out in front of everyone. Thank you very much."
"Sorry! You could always not go and take me for breakfast instead."
Hammaad turned to her. "Oh really? And what happens if I fail the semester?"
"You're a bright spark. That probably won't happen."
"Calculus is not easy, you know."
"Well who said that you should study something so hard?"
"IT is not all that bad. It's just some of these subjects. I don't know why I took it."
"If you carry on speaking to me, you'll never make it to your lecture," Husna said lazily as she stretched out on her seat. "Now go."
"Hammaad!" A tall, pretty girl called out.
Hammaad turned to her. "Sabeeha! Are you also late?"
"Yes, let's walk together." The girl replied. She glanced at Husna and gave a tight smile. "If your girlfriend doesn't mind of course."
"Oh, Husna is not my girlfriend."
The girl looked somewhat relieved and Husna began to fume inwardly. Who did this girl think she was?
"Leave your keys with me," Husna said to Hammaad, trying to keep her irritation at bay.
"Here you go. I'll see you later and we'll do that breakfast I promised you. When is your first lecture?"
"Only at eleven."
"See you later. Come on, Sabs. We'll need to sneak in from the back of the lecture hall before we get called out."
The two left and Husna stared after them. Her happy mood had dampened upon seeing Sabeeha. Why on earth did she even care? She knew that Hammaad spoke to some girls and it hadn't really bothered her. But the more she thought about it, the more it began to annoy her. She couldn't place her finger on why she was feeling the way she was. She didn't even understand it. There was no way that she could be jealous of some girl that spoke to Hammaad. Indeed, it wasn't the way she spoke to him. It was the way she had glared at Husna and the subtle way she had touched Hammaad's arm. It was the way she had smiled at him, clearly taken by his handsome looks. And it was then, in that very moment, that Husna knew that she was falling for Hammaad - hard.
•Chapter 1•
"Ready for breakfast?" Hammaad asked Husna.
Husna shrugged. "Yeah, whatever."
"I'm scared to ask what's wrong.” Hammaad said softly. He turned to Husna who was busy buffing her nails nonchalantly. "Are you okay?"
"Fine." She said without looking up.
"I know you well enough to know that you're not fine." He said.
"I'm fine."
"I know you're not but I'm not going to press the issue because you get scary when you're mad. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
Husna sighed. "I know." She had been sitting in the car for the last hour, glowering at passersby. Sabeeha really had ruined her mood.
Hammaad started the engine and as he reversed, Husna saw her again. Sabeeha was walking straight towards them, her hips swaying and her hair blowing gently in the wind. It didn't help that Sabeeha was gorgeous. She had dark, curly hair and large eyes. Her cherry coloured lips always looked like she was permanently pouting - in a cute way. The odd thing was that Husna had never before been jealous of the countless girls that threw themselves at Hammaad. Before, she had never noticed how handsome he was but now...now she did. With his jet black hair, slight tan, dark but striking eyes, he had grown into a heartthrob.
"Please don't come here." Husna said to herself. "Please, please, please."
Sabeeha waved and Hammaad noticed. "Oh, there's Sabs again."
"Why is today the first time I'm meeting her?"
"She's new here. She recently transferred from another university. She asked me to show her around last week so I did."
"Hammaad!" She waved excitedly as she made her way to Hammaad's window.
Husna tried to smother her groan. "I'll be nice to her." She said to herself. "I promise to be patient." Calm down. Don't act faulty now. Just be nice."
"Do you mind if I join you guys? I can't find my friends and I don't want to be alone."
"Um..." Hammaad glanced at Husna, clearly uncomfortable. "I guess so. Husna, do you mind?"
"What? Does she own you or something? I don't think you have to ask her permission, you know." Sabeeha said sarcastically.
Husna gritted her teeth. This girl was getting on her last nerve. She was usually a nice person and it took a lot to piss her off but Sabeeha really seemed to annoy her. "She can come." Husna said to Hammaad, blankly ignoring Sabeeha.
“Great! Can I sit in the front, please? My legs are long and they sometimes get squashed when I'm in the back." Sabeeha asked.
Husna glared at Hammaad as she opened the door.
"You don't have to sit in the back, Husna. I'm sure Sabeeha will be okay there. I'll move my seat forward."
This time it was Sabeeha's turn to look annoyed. "Fine. I'll sit in the back." She slid into the car and sighed loudly. Then, turning to Hammaad, she asked, "So what are you two to each other?"
"Oh, sorry! I forgot to introduce you. Sabs, meet Husna and Husna meet Sabeeha. Husna is my best friend. I don't think that I can survive without her." Hammaad said.
Husna gave a genuine smile and took a deep breath. She vowed to be sweet to Sabeeha. "Nice to meet you, Sabeeha."
Sabeeha glared at Husna's extended hand and ignored it. Turning to Hammaad, she asked, "So where did you guys meet? If you tell me on campus, I'll laugh. There's no way you can get that close to someone in just a couple of years and believe that you can't survive without them."
"We're childhood friends," Hammaad responded. "All my life Husna has been around."
"Like we said earlier. We were forced into this friendship." Husna joked.
Hammaad laughed and glanced at Husna. He could see that she was more irritated than earlier but she was trying to hide it. He didn't blame her though. He had noticed how rude Sabeeha had been to her. As Husna laughed with him, he struggled to turn his gaze to the road. He found her exquisitely beautiful. There was something almost exotic looking about her. And it wasn't surprising. Whilst her mother was a thoroughbred Indian, her father was a mix. Albeit majority Indian, his great-great-grandparents had black, white, and coloured blood in them. No wonder Husna was so stunning. Her hair was a light brown shade with natural golden highlights. When they were younger, Hammaad used to tell her that her highlights were actually grey and that she was aging fast. Most of the time that conversation ended up in tears. Her eyes were a shade of green-brown and almond-shaped. She was beautiful in a very unique way. And the more one would look at her, the more beautiful they would find her.
Sabeeha cleared her throat loudly. "Anyway, as I was saying, I also used to have a childhood best friend. But now he's somewhere in the UK. He's a model now. He was so madly in love with me and that's why our friendship suffered. You guys better be careful. The same thing will probably happen to you. It's highly unlikely that both of you will ever fall in love with each other. When it's one-sided, it becomes a problem. Hammaad, you and I would have made a lovely couple though. But it would've been unfair to have that much of good looks running between the two of us."
Hammaad could practically see Husna rolling her eyes, although he wasn't looking at her. She couldn't stand self-praise and boastfulness. It was one of her biggest pet peeves.
"So what's his name?" Husna asked Sabeeha. Hammaad tried to hide his grin. He knew where this conversation was going.
"Um... Ameer. His name is Ameer. Ameer Ebrahim."
"Let me see if I can find him on Instagram. He's a model you say?"
"Oh, you won't be able to find him. He doesn't have Instagram."
"So which company does he model for?" Husna asked.
"Um... I... Oh, I can't even remember. Anyway, what are you doing on Saturday, Hammaad?"
"I'm-" He started to say.
"Great, pick me up at 11. You can take me to this fab new restaurant." Sabeeha said without bothering to wait for a reply.
"Sorry, I can't. I'm busy this weekend."
"Then next weekend."
"Um... Okay. I guess." Hammaad stammered.
"I thought you need to help your cousin out next weekend?" Husna asked.
"Oh yes! I forgot. Sorry Sabs. Maybe you should go with someone else."
Hammaad parked off and quickly jumped out of the car. He was already feeling awkward. Sabeeha wanted to rope him into a date but luckily for him, Husna saved him. Husna got out of the car and caught his eye, a bemused look on her face. He wrinkled his nose and she grinned in response. Their non verbal communication was still pretty strong.
Husna glanced at Sabeeha and sighed. She was a lot to handle. In fact, although she was too much, Husna found her mildly entertaining. But there was a part of her that burned with the fiery jealousy that had crept upon her.
•Chapter 2•
As the weeks passed by, Husna found it difficult to spend some time with her best friend. Either Sabeeha was always with him or they had plans. If the two weren't neighbours and if Husna didn't travel with Hammaad, she was convinced that she wouldn't have seen him at all.
"So do you like her?" Husna asked Hammaad one day as they drove back home from university.
"Like who?" He asked carefully.
"Sabeeha."
"I guess we're friends so yeah, I like her."
"No, I mean do you like her more than a friend?"
"No. She's not my type."
"So then what is your type?" Husna asked.
"Well, I spent my entire life with you by my side. I don't think I had a chance to figure that out." Hammaad teased. He gave her a quick glance. He actually wished that he could tell her that she was his type. She'd always been his type.
"Very funny. It's not my fault that you want to spend every waking moment with me." Husna said playfully. She turned serious. "But on a serious note, you know Sabeeha wants you, right? She's crazy about you."
Hammaad sighed. "I've been trying to tell her I'm not interested but she doesn't take no for an answer. Besides, I don't like how rude she is to you."
Husna looked down, trying to compose her feelings. She didn't ever think that she'd have to fight for her best friend's attention, but with Sabeeha in the picture, it was hard not to. "She hates me for some reason. Then again, a lot of girls don't like me because they think we're together."
"Really? Who thinks we're together?"
"Everyone. Do you know how many times I've been asked if you and I are together? I mean we're always seen together. Even I would've assumed that if I saw us together. But anyway, as I was saying, Sabs hates me."
Hammaad looked away. "I know. She hasn't explicitly said it but she's made it obvious. She thinks it's because I have unresolved feelings for you."
Before Husna could reply, Aunty Ruqayya, Husna's mother, walked out of the house. "Kids, come on in. Hammaad, your parents are here too. I made a leg roast for dinner."
Hammaad grinned. "Another one of my favourite dishes. I need to move in, Aunty Ruqayya."
Husna rolled her eyes. "You literally live next door. And besides, you already come over whenever you want to."
Hammaad's grin grew wider. "I'm sure you miss me when you don't see me."
"Hammaad, I see you every single day. Sometimes I get too much of you."
Ruqayya laughed as she watched the two teenagers bicker playfully. Nothing had changed. The two were still as close as ever and they were often found arguing. "Okay, you can argue inside. Head on over to the back."
Hammaad walked into the house and practically collided with Yusha, his younger brother. Yusha was three years younger than Hammaad.
The two playfully punched each other before heading outside. Husna stared after them and turned to her mother. "So what made you make leg roast tonight? Is it a special occasion?"
"No. I just realised that we haven't seen Muneera and Ismail in a very long time." She said, referring to Hammaad's parents.
"I see Hammaad every day. I don't need to see more of him. Where's Ayesha?" Ayesha was Husna's older sister who was almost always studying. Ever since she was a little girl, Ayesha was a quiet, reserved kid who was always buried in her books. Now she was studying towards her medical degree.
"She'll be here later. She was just studying."
Husna sighed. "As usual. She needs to start spending more time with us."
"And she thinks you need to spend less time with Hammaad and more time with her."
"If she wasn't always buried in her books, I would spend more time with her. I barely even see her."
"You and your sister need to learn how to get along and you need to make time for each other. I don't want to get caught between you two again."
Husna shrugged and grabbed a cracker before heading outside. Hammaad and Yusha were kicking a ball between them as Hammaad's older brother, Naeem, spoke on his phone. She grabbed a chair and settled down, about to pull out her own phone when Naeem came to her.
"Husna! How are you doing? I barely see you these days!"
Husna laughed. "I'm at your house every second day, Naeem. Pity I don't see you around. What are you busy doing with your life?
"Optometry is no joke. I feel like Ayesha. I'm always studying. What are you studying again?"
"You know you ask me the same question every time you see me." Husna joked as she watched Hammaad walk towards them. "I'm studying Finance."
"Is my brother looking after you?"
Hammaad reached them and plopped himself in the lounge chair. "Of course I look after her."
"He's trying to. At the moment, Sabs is taking up all of his time." Husna replied.
"Who's Sabs?" Asked Naeem.
"Hammaad's new girlfriend."
"She's not my girlfriend." Hammaad retorted.
"Well, she made it very clear that she wants to be."
"Just tell Sabs you're with my brother." Naeem said. "Everyone already thinks you are."
"She'll probably skin me alive. That girl doesn't like me because I'm always with Hammaad."
Naeem turned to Hammaad. "You need to stop wasting time before this Sabs chick gets her claws into you. And can you and Husna just get together already?"
Husna laughed. "Us? Together? Please."
Just then, Muneera came to call the group inside. "Come on, it's time to eat." They all headed inside to enjoy a delicious meal.
Later that night, Husna stared at the ceiling as she mulled over what Naeem had said. He had mentioned that she and Hammaad should just get together because everyone was tired of waiting to see what would happen. Husna sighed as she played with the necklace that sat around her neck. It was the same necklace that Hammaad had bought for her when she was little. He had begged his parents to buy him the necklace so that he could gift it to Husna and since his parents loved her, they obliged.
How could she end up with him? She didn't even think that Hammaad would ever feel the same way about her. He always saw her as a sister, or so she thought.
Hammaad too, sat on his bed with his head in his hands. He really wished that he could tell Husna how he felt about her. But how could he? She'd laugh in his face. How could he love her as anything more than a friend when they grew up together? Besides, it was never his plan to fall in love with his best friend. It was never meant to be this way. But such is life, when the heart decides, very rarely can the mind object.
•Chapter 3•
The sudden knock on the door startled Husna awake. She squinted and grumbled to herself.
"Husna!" The incessant knock refused to cease.
"What?" Husna asked, still trying to gain her bearings. She grabbed her phone and glanced at the time. She was late! Quickly, she tried scrambling out of bed.
"Husna!" It was Hammaad. She didn’t understand why he would always personally wake her up when she was late.
"Come in!" she grumbled as she tried twisting out of her covers. And as she did so, she slipped off the bed just as the door flung open. She fell to the floor with a loud thud. Hammaad looked amused as he lay against the door frame, his arms crossed.
Although the two of them were so close, both parents had a strict rule that they weren't allowed in each other's bedrooms. The door frame was the threshold and if Hammaad wanted to speak to Husna, he'd have to do it from the door.
"Good morning, sunshine." He greeted her, his lips curled into a smile. He looked like he wanted to laugh at Husna and she glowered at him.
"I know I'm late."
"Late for what?"
"Campus. Duh." She said as she tried to untangle her feet from the sheets. Instead, she just ended up looking like an octopus.
"We don't have class today."
Husna blinked. "Oh. So what are you doing here?"
"My mum made pancakes so she made me bring some over."
Husna smacked her lips. "Oh, yummy! I can't wait to have some. I'm starving." As she got up, her foot got caught in the blanket and she was sent hurtling towards Hammaad. He caught her, moments before she fell and before they both toppled to the ground. Husna groaned. "Today is just not my day. By the way, you've passed the threshold."
Hammaad laughed and gently moved away from Husna before getting up and brushing himself off. He held out a hand. "Get up."
She grabbed it and tested her balance before facing her best friend. "Why couldn't you bring the pancakes here?"
Hammaad's smile widened. He seemed to have a permanent smile on his face this morning. "Husna, I think it's time you brush your teeth. Then you join us for pancakes."
She glared at him. "Well, it's not like you wake up with fabulous breath either, you know."
"I didn't say anything." He held up his hands defensively. "Now hurry up. Let's have pancakes and then you can come over. My mother wanted to ask you about some face products or something like that."
Husna quickly brushed her teeth and made her way to the kitchen, still in her pajamas. She tied her hair in a messy bun as she mulled over her relationship with Hammaad. Everything was just so easy with him. She could be herself, she could pitch up in her pajamas and not worry about any snide comments coming from him. She could be moody or she could be happy and no matter what, he would always be there for her.
Hammaad and her mother were in a deep conversation. Husna plopped herself down before grabbing Hammaad's plate and polishing off the pancakes that were in there. He didn't even flinch because he was so used to it. She took out her phone and started scrolling through her social media channels, half-listening to what her mother was saying. Once she was done, she made her way to Hammaad's house.
"Assalaamualaykum, Aunty Muneera." Husna greeted.
"Wa alaykum salaam, darling. Come inside. Where's that son of mine?"
"He's speaking to my mother."
Muneera laughed. "Sometimes I think he wants your mother to adopt him."
Husna grinned. "Then you can adopt me."
"I wouldn't mind. You're already like my daughter."
As Muneera and Husna chatted like old friends, a weird thought crossed her mind. She wouldn't mind having Muneera as her mother-in-law. They were already so close. She could almost picture it and no one could really blame her. After all, Husna was a dreamer and often she got caught up in her fantasies. It wasn't dangerous because she could differentiate between reality and dreams and her dreams are what kept her going. She loved living in her little bubble and allowing the world to surpass her.
But living in a dreamland can be dangerous for the well being and Husna had yet to realise that. And right now, the only obstacle in her path was Sabeeha.
*
The weeks slowly began to pass and Sabeeha became like a splinter in Husna's finger. She was almost always hanging onto Hammaad, so much so, that Husna felt like she was drifting away from Hammaad.
She sighed as she made her way towards her favourite spot under a large tree. It was quiet and no one would bother her. She plopped herself on the ground and folded her arms, glowering into the abyss. She was so annoyed and angry about Sabeeha's incessant need to be around her best friend. To make matters worse, it seemed as if Hammaad was becoming interested in Sabeeha.
"Who are you giving dirty looks to?" Hammaad asked, breaking Husna out of her reverie.
'Huh?" Husna asked, blinking up at him, clearly confused.
"You're sitting here and looking super angry." He said as he motioned towards her crossed arms.
Husna sighed. "Nothing is wrong. I was just thinking. What are you doing here?" She asked in the hopes to change the subject.
"I tried calling you but you didn't pick up so I thought I'd find you here."
"Where's Sabs?"
"She has a lecture." He paused for a moment, unsure of how to tell his best friend that Sabeeha was telling everyone that they were a couple. After all, his heart was with Husna. Sabeeha had guilt-tripped him and then announced that she was his girlfriend. Due to his soft heart, he didn't know how to tell her that they weren't.
"What's wrong?" Husna eventually asked, clearly noticing his hesitancy.
"Ummm... I don't know how to say this."
"Say what?"
"Sabs and I... She's telling everyone that she and I are a couple."
"I-what?" Husna asked in sheer annoyance.
"I don't know how to break it to her. She's been telling everyone. She even posted it on Facebook and Instagram. I've tried telling her that we're not but she won't allow me to."
"No wonder I've barely seen you." Husna said icily.
"I'm sorry, Husna. I...I need your help."
"Now you want my help? You've been practically ignoring me this whole time!"
"I didn't mean to. And I honestly have been trying to make it up to you in the mornings and the evenings when we travel together."
"Really? How? Because from what I recall, Sabeeha phones you and chats to you the entire time."
Hammaad sighed. "I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know what to tell you."
Husna got up in irritation. "You can leave me alone and run back to your girlfriend. And don't bother waiting for me today. I'll make a plan to get home."
Hammaad gently grabbed her shoulder and she snatched it away. "Husna, please don't do this. I feel responsible for you."
"Oh, is that why you pretend to be my friend and pretend to care? Because you feel responsible for me?"
"No, I didn't mean it that way. You know me better than anyone else. Do you really think that I just feel like I have an obligation towards you?"
"Leave. Me. Alone." Husna retorted angrily.
•Chapter 4•
Husna knew that she was being unfair and that she should have at least listened to what Hammaad had to say. Besides, deep down she knew that he was telling her the truth. She was too angry to acknowledge that though. She needed an excuse to be angry and upset. She needed an excuse to forget that she was in love with Hammaad.
But her actions were just making her more aware of her feelings. She hated that she had fallen in love with her best friend. She hated that she was so consumed by thoughts of him. She sighed and buried her head in her hands, angry with Hammaad, but even angrier with herself.
Hammaad too, sighed in frustration. He didn't understand how he got caught up in Sabeeha's frivolous world. He was madly in love with Husna and all he wanted to do was spend his days with her and spend his nights thinking about her. Even if she didn't feel the same way about him, he just wanted her companionship. And more than anything, he wanted to tell her how he felt about her.
A perfectly manicured hand broke him out of his reverie. "There you are, handsome." Sabeeha said as she planted a kiss on his cheek. "Where have you been?"
"I-"
"Oh, it doesn't matter. Anyway, I need you to take me home today, please. I don't think your friend, Husna, will like it but I don't have any other choice."
Hammaad sighed, feeling defeated. "It's fine. I can take you home."
"What about Husna?"
"She texted me to say that I should carry on and that she made another plan." Hammaad was worried about Husna but he also knew that once she made up her mind, it was hard to change it.
"Oh good. You two are finally not acting like husband and wife. Luckily I entered your life. You two seemed to have a very unhealthy relationship. It was almost as if you relied and depended on each other. It was sick. Plus Husna is so annoying."
"Sabeeha!" Hammaad said sharply. Although he was soft, he would not tolerate anyone speaking about his best friend that way. "That is my best friend. She is my rock, the one I turn to. We're family. And I will not tolerate anyone badmouthing her."
Sabeeha sighed, clearly agitated with his response. She had been so sure that she was molding him to become the perfect man but here he was, sticking up for another girl. "Whatever. Anyway, can we leave now?"
Hammaad sighed and nodded, too annoyed to really say anything else. And although he was with Sabeeha, his mind was on Husna.
*
Husna had managed to get a classmate to drop her off at home. When they pulled into the driveway, Naeem was outside, chatting away on his phone. He curiously stared at Husna as she exited the vehicle.
"Husna?" He called just as he hung up. Husna pretended not to hear as she greeted and thanked her classmate. She inwardly groaned and shut the car door, knowing full well that her best friend's brother would not let it go. As the car pulled away, she looked up at Naeem. "Where's Hammaad? Why didn't you come with him?"
"He was busy."
Naeem's face clouded over in confusion. "In Hammaad's twenty years of existence, he has never left you behind because he was 'busy'. What's going on?"
"Nothing." Husna said, hoping that Naeem wouldn't pry.
"I can see that there is something very wrong. And don't even bother telling me that you're just tired."
Husna sighed in exasperation. "Fine. Your dear brother is off gallivanting with his new girlfriend."
Naeem burst out laughing but when he looked at Husna's face, he stopped abruptly. "Oh, you're serious. His girlfriend? Who is his girlfriend?"
"Sabeeha." Husna spat out her name as if it left a bad taste in her mouth.
"Are you sure?" He asked just as his phone rang. "Oh, it's my brother. Hello?" He picked up and raised his eyebrows. "Yes, she just got home. What's going on between you two?"
Husna glared at the phone in Naeem's hand and then turned on her heel and stalked off. She entered the house and was greeted by the smell of freshly baked baklava."
"Oh, you're home!" Her mother exclaimed, a huge smile on her face. "Call Hammaad, I made baklava."
"I didn't come with him today." Husna said, trying hard to keep the emotion out of her voice. "I'm exhausted, I'm heading to my room." She quickly made a beeline for her room so that she could finally be alone.
When she got to her room, she shut the door and kicked off her shoes. She fell onto her bed and screamed into her pillow. Taking a deep breath, she glanced at her phone.
Four missed calls and seven new messages. They were all from Hammaad who apparently, was worried sick about her. As Husna went through the messages, the tears that she had been holding in all day gushed out of her and she began to bawl her eyes out.
*
The bustling sound of her family woke her up. Husna glanced at the time and realised that she had fallen asleep for an hour. She groaned as she realised that the events that had unfolded earlier were real and not just a dream.
She washed her face and headed to the kitchen, hoping that she didn't look the way she felt. She was in no mood to chat about her feelings with her family. She stopped short as she saw Hammaad sitting at the table, chatting to her mother.
She was about to turn around when her mother called her. She inwardly groaned.
"Hammaad has been waiting for you for the last hour." Her mother said as she turned around to switch on the kettle. I'm going to relax now. Hammaad, take as many baklavas as you want."
"JazakAllah, Aunty Ruqayya."
Husna turned on a heel, ready to stalk off but Hammaad's words stopped her. "I ended things with Sabeeha." Slowly, Husna turned around, and just by looking into Hammaad's eyes, she could see that he wasn't lying. "I had to stop it. She told her parents that I was there to propose to her. It was one of the most awkward situations that I have ever experienced."
"More awkward than that time that aunty pinched your cheeks at that wedding and told everyone how handsome you were?" Husna asked, the corners of her mouth tugging upwards before she broke into a wide grin.
Hammaad nodded, a smile coming to his face. "More awkward than the time some aunty told you she has a handsome boy for you and ended up bringing you an uncle in his late fifties."
Husna burst out laughing before turning serious. "I can imagine that Sabs wasn't too happy?"
"No. I asked her if we could talk in private but she refused to. Instead, she started to tell her parents how I was proposing to her and when her brother asked me where's the ring, I said that there was a misunderstanding. Sabeeha started to swear me and her mother yelled at her because she has the habit of jumping the gun. Her parents are pretty nice people though. We were getting along perfectly fine until Sabs said that I wanted to marry her. But luckily, I left her parent's house on a good note."
Husna grinned. "Wow, what an adventure."
Hammaad returned her grin before turning serious again. "And I am so sorry about earlier. I didn't want to leave you behind."
Husna sighed. "It's not your fault. I didn't give you much of a choice. I was just so upset."
"You know that Sabs is not my type in any case."
"So what is your type?"
Hammaad sighed, deliberating whether to come clean. But before he could control his mouth, his heart spoke out. “You're my type. You've always been my type."
Husna blinked, unsure of what she had just heard.
"Husna?" Hammaad asked after Husna remained silent. "Are you mad at me? Look I know you probably don't feel the same way that I do. I...I love you." He whispered.
Husna continued to blink, a blank expression on her face. She was absolutely certain that she was still dreaming. She needed to get up from her dream though. She pinched herself and she flinched by the unexpected pain.
"Husna?" He asked again.
She let out a breath that she hadn't realised that she had been holding. "I-um-did-I-did-you?" She took a deep breath and tried again. "Did you just say that you love me?"
"I did and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have sprung that on-"
"I feel the same way." Husna whispered, unable to contain herself. Hammaad sprang from his chair and grabbed Husna in an embrace, his heart feeling as if it was about to burst. "Hammaad! My parents will probably yell at us if they see us hugging like this!"
"Oh sorry." Hammaad replied, reluctantly letting go of her. "So what do we do now?"
“I’m not sure... I don’t exactly want to date but I’m not ready for...” Husna was scared to say the word marriage. How could they go from best friends in one second to marriage in the next?
“Marriage?” Hammaad asked.
Husna nodded and looked away. “Yeah.” She said softly.
"Maybe let's see how things go before we talk to our parents or take it any further."
"Talk to us about what?" Husna's father asked as he walked into the kitchen.
•Chapter 5•
“Ummm..." Husna glanced at Hammaad, unsure what to say. "We wanted to tell you that...ummm..."
They were interrupted by the loud ring of Husna's father's phone. "It doesn't matter." He said as he glanced down at the caller ID and walked out of the kitchen. Husna's dad, Imraan, was a very absentminded person and right now, Husna was glad that he was. She didn't want to tell her parents anything yet.
Husna let out her breath and glanced at Hammaad. He looked so nervous that she couldn't help but laugh.
"I think I need some time to think about everything that happened today." Husna said as she plopped herself into a chair and grabbed a baklava. "It feels like too many things happened in one day."
Hammaad laughed. "We had the biggest fight we've ever had, you refused to come home with me, I almost got engaged and then I professed my undying love to you."
Husna giggled. "Shhh! Not too loud! I don't want anyone to hear just yet."
“Why? I want to shout it out from the rooftops.”
Husna rolled her eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”
Hammaad wiggled his eyebrows. “That’s what happens when you’re in love, babe.”
She almost choked on the water that she had sipped. “Babe?” She asked.
“Yes. I’ve been holding these words in for way too long. Babe. Baby. My love. My soulmate.”
She broke into a grin. “Calm down, lover boy. We don’t even know if we’ll work out. We don’t even know if we were better off as friends.”
“We already spend all of our time together so how are we NOT going to do this dating thing?”
“No kissing and any of that stuff, okay?”
Hammaad nodded. “That’s fine. So basically things aren’t going to change. We’re just going to see how things are now that we professed our love to each other?”
“Yip. Now stop saying that! Someone might hear!” She threw a dishcloth at him and he ducked before it landed on his face.
“I love you.” He said again, mischievously. “It feels so good to finally say that!”
“You’ve been telling me you love me since we were kids.”
“Well, now I’m in love with you.” He winked.
Husna tried to hide her grin as she began to blush.
*
As the months passed, Husna and Hammaad became inseparable - more so than before. It was hard not to see that the two were head over heels in love with each other. However, it was their parents who had no idea regarding the relationship between the two. It wasn't that they wanted to hide it, they just didn't know how to broach the subject.
"So when do you want to tell our parents?" Husna asked Hammaad as they travelled back home from university.
"Since this year is almost over, maybe we should tell them now. Maybe we can get married next year."
"You don't mind getting married while still studying?" Husna asked
"To you? I'd want to get married tomorrow." Hammaad replied, showing no trace of humour.
"Tomorrow?"
"Seriously. If it was up to me, I'd tell you that we should make nikaah tomorrow."
Husna giggled. "Okay, but we need to be a realistic as well."
"I know."
"So what do you think your parents will say?" Husna asked.
Hammaad laughed. "Well, they always said that they wanted you as a daughter. Now we're making that dream of theirs come true."
"Do you think they'll approve though?"
"Husna, my parents are crazy about you. I think they approved of you since the day you were born."
"I can't help wondering though. I'm just so happy and I'm so scared that the happiness will be snatched away from me. So I'm trying to think of every possible scenario."
Hammaad stopped and looked at Husna. "Just be happy. You're allowed to be happy. Stop thinking of all the negative things that could happen."
Husna sighed. "I know." She glanced down at her lap, wondering why she was feeling as if she'd lose the happiness that she had so desperately craved. After all, she had someone that she had known for as long as she could remember beside her. Hammaad was the love of her life, he was her safety net, he was her person. And that is exactly why she couldn't lose him. What would become of her if she no longer had him? And although Husna's worries seemed futile at that moment, they definitely had substance to it. Because such is life. Happiness can never be guaranteed. And the same way that happiness can never be guaranteed, neither can sadness.
The human soul cannot know what awaits. It is only Allah who knows how our lives will pan out and it is only Allah who can change the roads that we are on.
But at that moment, Hammaad was confused. He couldn't understand why Husna was feeling so uneasy. After all, her family loved him and his family loved her. What more did they need other than their parent's blessings and each other?
As Hammaad pulled into the driveway, he took Husna's tiny hand into his large hand. "Look at me, beautiful." She raised her gaze to meet his and almost instantly, she could feel the worries leave her. "Breathe. It's going to be okay. Pray. Whenever you feel uneasy, just pray. Things will work out, they just have to. And if for some reason they don't, continue to pray."
Husna nodded before taking a deep breath. "This is why I love you so much. You always comfort me. Even when we were young and I used to graze my knee. You'd always say that I should take the pain with patience because I'd get rewarded. What was the hadith you always quoted?"
Hammaad released her hand. "I can't exactly quote a hadith and hold your hand at the same time, you know. That's another reason I want to get married to you soon. Actually, it's the main reason. I don't want us to both fall into sin."
"I know..."
"The hadith was that the Prophet (SAW) said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah removes some of his sins for that." [Sahih Bukhari]
Husna sighed in contentment. "For as long as I can remember, whenever I got hurt or whenever I felt sad, I tried to always remember those words. They have always been a source of comfort to me."
"In Islam, everything we go through is not in vain. There's a reason. And many times that reason is beyond our comprehension."
Husna smiled. "When did you become so intelligent?"
"I've always been but you were too busy bullying me to notice." Hammaad teased.
Husna playfully pouted. "I never bullied you! You were the one that always used to start with me! Remember that time you collected bugs in a jar and chased me with it?"
Hammaad laughed. "We have such good memories. I pray that we get to build a lifetime of memories."
"Hammaad! Husna!" Aunty Muneera called as she bustled out of the house. "Can the two of you stop sitting in the car and come inside? I need someone to help me fill these tupperwares."
Husna turned to Hammaad and grinned. "Come on! Your mum is waiting for us." Before he could answer, she swung open the door and rushed into the house.
"Assalaamualykum, Aunty Muneera. What are you so busy doing?"
Muneera flashed a big smile at her son's best friend. "I'm filling these pastries for Jubie and family. She's been asking me for so long to send her some. I thought I'd just make some for the family function she's having soon. I think her daughter is getting a proposal."
"Who's Jubie?"
"Aunty Jubie. She used to come here often when you kids were small. I'm sure you will remember her if you see her. In fact, she has such a handsome son who's about your age. He'll be perfect for you!"
Husna blinked in surprise and just then, Hammaad walked in. "Who's perfect for who?"
•Chapter 6•
"Don't you think Aunty Jubie’s son will be perfect for Husna? They'll make such a lovely couple." Aunty Muneera asked her son.
Hammaad choked on the water that he just sipped. "I-He-What?"
"Are you okay?" Husna asked Hammaad softly, still trying to wrap her head around what Muneera was saying."
"What's going on here?" Naeem asked as he bounded into the kitchen, Yusha right behind him.
"I'm just asking your brother what does he think about Aunty Jubie’s son for Husna."
"Naeem laughed. "That guy has anger issues. He's even going for anger management. Besides, I thought you wanted Husna as your daughter-in-law law?"
This time, Husna almost choked in shock. Naeem had no filter at times. She glared at him and he winked at her, knowing full well that she and his brother were an item.
Muneera laughed. "You have always referred to her as your sister, Naeem. Now you telling me you interested?"
Naeem rolled his eyes. "No offence, but I'm not interested. Husna really is like my little sister."
"So who? Yusha? He's younger than her!"
Naeem grinned. "Really mom? Yusha? Yusha is on his own vibe. He is so busy studying that he hasn't even realised that girls exist."
Yusha rolled his eyes at his brother and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl.
Hammaad was silently shooting daggers at his brother. "Not now." He mouthed.
Naeem glanced at Husna who silently put her finger to her lips and he quickly changed the subject. "What are you so busy doing in any case?" He asked.
"I'm sending these to Jubie. One of you needs to drop it off for me please."
As Naeem, Yusha and Muneera chatted away, the earlier conversation clearly forgotten, Hammaad and Husna glanced at each other. She motioned for Hammaad to follow her outside.
"I think it's time to tell our parents." Husna said.
Hammaad sighed and scratched his head. "You're right. I think it is about time."
Husna stared into the distance, trying to figure out how she should broach the topic to her parents. "How should I tell my parents?" She asked.
"What if I speak to my parents and then we propose?"
"I should give my parents a heads up though."
"Okay, sooo... we'll both speak to our parents tonight?"
Husna nodded, suddenly feeling extremely anxious. "What if something goes wrong?" She asked.
"It won't. It can't. Let's see what happens and then we'll take it from there."
Later that night, Husna took a deep breath, trying to muster up the courage to talk to her parents. She took a deep breath and stepped out of her room, almost colliding with Ayesha.
"Ayesha! What are you doing?"
"I was actually coming to talk to you."
"Come into my room then and tell me what's up."
Ayesha smiled. "Nothing is up. I was actually just wondering how you were. I barely saw you this week. I was so busy with tests."
"I know. I didn't want to bother you while you were studying so I just let you be."
"Just as well. I was so stressed. Luckily the tests weren't too bad."
"I'm sure you did fine. You've always been a bright spark."
Ayesha grinned. "So have you. What have you been up to lately?"
Husna fidgeted with the bracelet on her wrist. "Actually, I was just about to speak to mom and dad. I need to tell you all something. But maybe I should tell you first."
Ayesha nodded and silently waited for her sister to tell her what she needed to.
"Okay then. Here goes. You know how close Hammaad and I have been all our lives, right?"
Ayesha nodded. "Inseparable." She commented.
"Well, in the last few months we realised that our feelings for each other had evolved. I tried to ignore it, I really did. But I could no longer act like there was nothing there. It was obvious." Husna glanced up at her sister and took a deep breath. "Hammaad and I are in love with each other!" She blurted out.
Ayesha broke into a big grin. "I called it! I always knew that the two of you were just made for each other. There is no one more perfect for you than him!"
"Really? You think so?"
Ayesha nodded. "You two are perfect together. There's just one thing I'm worried about."
"And what's that?"
"Will his parents be okay with it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Sure, we're just family friends and we're close but Aunty Muneera is heavily racist. She might not want you two to be together because of all the different races we have in our blood. Maybe let's talk to mum and dad first though. I could be mistaken."
Husna's face fell as her heart felt like it was shattering. No wonder she had been so anxious. Deep down she knew that Aunty Muneera was racist and the fact that the Mohamed's had black and coloured blood in them would probably put her off. But Husna was confused. She had always been proud to be made up of so many different races. To her, it showed that skin colour was nothing but a mere wrap. She sighed deeply as her eyes filled with tears. "What am I going to do?" She asked her sister.
"The first thing you will do is talk to mum and dad. Stop worrying and take a deep breath."
Husna nodded as Ayesha took her hand and led her to their parent's room. Ayesha knocked on the door.
"Come in!" Ruqayya called from inside.
Ayesha gave Husna's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Husna wants to tell you and dad something."
Husna took a deep breath as her mother took a seat. She motioned for her daughters to sit down as she looked at them worriedly. "Is something wrong?" Ruqayya asked as she and Imraan settled down in their seats.
Husna shook her head and then spoke up. “So you know that Hammaad and I have been close all our lives, right?"
Ruqayya nodded. "The two of you have been inseparable."
"We kind of like each other."
"Sure you do." Imraan commented. "To spend that much of time together, you have to like each other."
"That's not what I meant. I mean we...have fallen in love with each other." She quickly blurted before she would lose the nerve.
Imraan did a double-take and Ruqayya gasped. "Really?" She asked Husna.
Husna felt a blush creeping up onto her cheeks. "Yes, really."
"Wow," Imraan said, still in shock. "I would have never thought that you two would actually fall in love. It just didn't seem like it could ever happen."
"Well, what did anyone expect? They've been inseparable all their lives. Feelings were bound to develop." Ayesha said in a matter-of-fact tone.
Ruqayya beamed. "I'm so happy! I love that boy! He's already like my own son." But a few seconds later, her eyes clouded over. "Did he already speak to his parents?" She asked Husna.
"He's telling them tonight." Husna replied, feeling her heart drop at the sight of the worry that showed on her mother's face.
"Husna, baby... You need to be prepared... They won't readily accept us..." She trailed off, at a loss for words.
"It's true. Although we've always been close to them, Muneera was always wary of the fact we are not a hundred percent Indian. Initially, she used to make nasty comments about our family. It was only when her parents had insisted they call us over for dinner, did we realise that we had a lot in common. But Muneera always made sly comments about our family. Although she seemed to always love you unconditionally since you were born. There is hope. Don't look so despondent." Imraan said.
Husna tried to smile but her eyes had already filled with tears. She couldn't understand why anyone would focus solely on skin colour. In fact, she recalled that Aunty Muneera had made mention that all her sons were to marry a girl of the same caste. She didn't want any "outsiders" in their family. Like many other typical Indian families, Muneera had brought the unwanted baggage from India and her focus appeared to be not on religion, but rather on what village in India one's family came from.
•Chapter 7•
Hammaad tried to calm his nerves down. He watched as his family laughed at something Yusha had said. They were having dinner and he was trying to eat but he just couldn't.
Finally, when everyone had settled down, he quickly blurted, "I need to tell you guys something."
Muneera looked at her son and cocked an eyebrow. "What is it?" She asked.
Hammaad took a deep breath. It was now or never. "So you know Husna and I have been best friends all our lives, right? Well, we both realised that we're in love with each other and we would like to get married." He rushed over his words before he lost the nerve.
He looked at Naeem who had pretended to be surprised. His older brother had a huge grin on his face. When he looked at Yusha, he noticed that his younger brother looked slightly surprised. He then turned to his mother and stopped short. She looked as if she had seen a ghost. She had turned pale and was staring into the distance. His father, Ismail, glanced at his mother and then nervously fixated his gaze on his plate.
After what felt like forever, his mother opened her mouth to speak. "Husna?" She asked, trying hard to keep all the emotion out of her voice.
"Yes, you always said she's like a daughter to you. Now she'll be your daughter-in-law." Hammaad replied.
"Over my dead body." Muneera said, her voice laced with anger.
Naeem and Yusha exchanged confused glances.
Hammaad cleared his throat, more confused than ever. "What do you mean?" He asked.
"If you think I'll allow you to marry someone who has karya and adman blood in them, you don't know me very well." She said, making reference to the somewhat derogatory Indian terms used to describe blacks and coloureds
Naeem dropped the ladle he had been holding and soup splashed everywhere but none of them flinched. Yusha's gasp was loud and clear and Hammaad felt like he had been punched in the stomach.
"What?" Hammaad asked, trying hard to understand what his mother had just said.
"Look, I've been fine with the two of you being friends. After all, I've loved that girl since the day she was born. I looked past the blood that ran through her veins. I treated her like a daughter. But there is no ways in hell that I will allow my son to marry her. I do not want my grandchildren carrying that type of blood."
"We aren't racist, mummy." Yusha said.
"Maybe I am racist."
"But then why do you allow Aunty Gladice to do all the cleaning?" Naeem asked, referring to their long-time helper.
"That's different. Anyway, you and Husna work as friends. Why can't you just leave it at that? Why did you have to fall in love with her? Of all the stupid decisions you've made, this one has got to be the worst."
"That's enough." Ismail bellowed. "Muneera, your sons are right, we are not racist."
"No. You and the kids may not be racist. But I am. How would you feel if you had a grandchild who had the blood of a black person?"
"Ecstatic." Ismail replied. "He or she would be our grandchild and I would love them unconditionally."
"Well, I wouldn't. I don't need people to tell me that I have a black grandchild." Muneera replied. "But since none of you agree, if Hammaad marries Husna, I'm leaving you all. And I will never give him my blessings."
Yusha gasped. "Mum?" He asked.
"You heard that, Yusha. I will leave your father. You kids can visit me if you want. But if Hammaad marries that girl, he is dead to me."
Naeem, who had been silent the entire time, finally found his voice. "That's unfair, mum. You can't disown your own flesh and blood for whom his heart has chosen to love. If you had been so against it, why did you allow them into our home? Why did you allow Hammaad and Husna's friendship? You can't be sweet on their face and racist behind their back. And why do you eat there?"
"I never thought my sons would be so senseless and fall in love with them. Like I said, I love Husna like my own but she will provide children who are a mixed breed and that, I cannot accept. Besides, whenever we eat there, Ruqayya cooks and she's a thoroughbred Indian."
"If you loved her like your own, you would accept her as a daughter-in-law," Naeem responded softly.
"Hammaad cannot marry Husna. If he does, I will disown him and anyone that supports him. You will all be dead to me." Muneera responded in an icy tone.
Hammaad gripped the table and pushed his chair back aggressively. "Mum, if you don't change your ways, Allah's wrath will fall upon us. Bilal (RA) was a black and he had the honour of being the first muazzin!" With that he turned on his heel and knocked the chair in the process. He needed to clear his mind.
As Hammaad made his way out the front door, he tried to control his staggered breathing. Out of habit, he glanced at Husna's house, feeling his heart break over and over again. He needed to go for a long drive. Just as he got into the car, Husna appeared and rapped on his window.
"Get in." Hammaad said.
Husna obliged. She could see that Hammaad was furious and she could feel her own heart shattering, already knowing the outcome of his conversation with his parents. She glanced at Hammaad's side profile. His eyes which were currently in narrow slits were trained on the road, the veins in his arms were popping and he was gripping the steering wheel with such fury, for a second, Husna thought that he might break it.
Husna had come out for some fresh air, praying that Hammaad's conversation had gone well but when she had seen him angrily charge for his car, she knew that it hadn't. But she needed him to tell her what had happened. She needed to know if there was some hope for them.
Finally, Hammaad stopped the car. Husna got out and realised that they were at their favourite thinking spot. Often, when one of them was upset, they would come here just to think. They wouldn't have to speak to one another. It was a small park that was within walking distance from their homes. But if you had to drive there, it would take at least fifteen minutes. The park was dense with trees and off to one side, there was a small trail. The trail led to a small pond that had large rocks around the pond. The two silently walked towards the pond, Husna slightly scared as she had never been here at night.
Noticing Husna's hesitation, Hammaad grabbed her hand. "I've got you," He whispered. "No one really comes here anymore. It's pretty safe."
Husna took Hammaad's warm hand and followed him. They made their way to the rocks and settled into their favourite rock that was naturally shaped like a couch.
Husna took a deep breath. "What happened?" She whispered, holding Hammaad's hand in hers.
She could feel Hammaad's hand tighten and she saw forehead crease. He remained silent for a long time, unsure of how to broach the subject. After what felt like a lifetime, he started to speak. "I didn't think that it would turn out this way. I thought they'd be happy."
"Is it because I have black and coloured blood in me?" Husna asked, getting straight to the point.
Hammaad started. He was not going to tell Husna about any of that. He wanted to spare her the horrid details. "How did you know?"
Husna sighed. "My parents warned me. They knew what your mum would say."
Hammaad shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes. "Never in a million years would I have thought that my mother was one of the most racist people I know. She never showed it. She always made it seem like she looked past skin colour. But we were all so wrong. She's a racist. It's disgusting. I'll spare you the details."
Husna's tears slowly began to fall as she looked at Hammaad's face. The single tear sliding down his cheek broke her heart into a million little pieces. She felt as if she would shatter, along with her broken heart. She quickly brushed the tears from her face and turned to Hammaad, trying hard to keep her voice from cracking. "What are our chances?"
Hammaad's single tear was followed by a stream. He shook silently, trying hard to keep his emotions in check. Husna held on to him, soothing him with her gentle touch. Finally, Hammaad calmed down. "Sorry." He whispered. "You shouldn't have seen that."
Husna laughed bitterly. "I saw you cry when we were kids. I'm your best friend. I know everything about you."
Hammaad smiled. "I know... My mother said..." He trailed off, his words failing him.
As Husna glanced at his face, she could almost hear his heart cracking in the stone-cold silence of the night. She could see how broken he felt as she stared into his glistening eyes. And at that moment, she suddenly knew. She knew that no matter how much her heart yearned for him, it may never have him.
•Chapter 8•
Hammaad finally found the words to explain to Husna what his mother had said. "She said that if I marry you, she will disown me and anyone that supports me. She even threatened to leave my father. I didn't know that my mother had a heart filled with so much of hate, so much of dirt."
"So I guess all the times she said I'm like her daughter, she didn't mean it?" Husna asked, her voice cracking.
"She said you're still like her daughter... I don't want to tell you any more than that because I can't even bring myself to say those words. My mother is a terrible human being."
"Shhh... No, she's not," Husna said in a soothing tone. "She's your mother and she's a good person. Maybe this is her test. Maybe this is a lesson for us all."
"We didn't sign up for such a tough lesson when we fell in love." Hammaad said, putting his head in his hands.
"I know. We thought it would be smooth sailing. Hammaad, what are we going to do? I love you too much to allow your relationship with your mother to falter."
"It has already faltered. I resent her."
"Don't say that. You're speaking out of anger. She birthed you."
"I know... I just don't know how I'll get over this."
Husna took a deep breath, a fresh wave of tears threatening to ooze out of her broken heart and out through her eyes. "Hammaad, I won't allow your mother to disown you. I won't be the reason she disowns you."
Hammaad looked at Husna. Even with pain etched all over her face, she still looked beautiful. "What do you want to do?"
Husna's voice cracked. "We have to end this." She said, looking down. Her heart and her eyes were betraying what her mouth was saying. She wanted to spend her life with Hammaad, she would do anything for him but how could she allow herself to be the reason for a mother to disown her son?
Hammaad put his hand on her chin and raised her face. "Look at me and tell me if that is what you really want."
Husna's tear filled eyes met Hammaad's. He looked as if he was about to crack. "You know it's not. I don't want to live without you but I don't want your mother to disown you either. She's your mother. I can't destroy one of the most precious relationships that Allah has created."
"So what do we do? He asked.
"We have to end this. You know we do."
"No. let's fight for this."
"At the expense of losing your mother?"
Hammaad sighed. "What else are we supposed to do?" He asked in frustration.
"I told you." Husna said softly, tears pouring out of her eyes. She didn't even bother wiping them away because she just couldn't stop crying.
Hammaad got up. "Let's sleep over this. We're all making rash decisions because we're all angry. I'll try to talk to my mother again and then we'll take it from there. Let's give it until the end of the year. Make istikhara, ask Allah for guidance. We'll speak to our parents again. Just make dua. Keep making dua. If we're meant to be, we will definitely get married."
Husna agreed and the two drove home in silence, each in their own torment. She glanced at her best friend as he sped down the road and she almost felt sick. How could she end all communication with the only true friendship she had ever experienced? How could she forget about all the moments they had shared? How could she lose one of the biggest things in her life? Hammaad glanced at her for a second and turned back to the road. The pain in Husna's eyes was too much to bear. He could see that she was trying to keep it together but he knew her well enough to know that inside she was shattering into a million pieces, over and over again. And he also knew that she could see straight into his heart.
They reached home but neither of them made an effort to move. It was is if time had stood still and insisted that they mull over their emotions so that each piercing second could be even more painful.
After an hour, Husna cleared her throat and realised that she needed to get out of the car. "I should go." She said, not bothering to reach for the door handle.
"Yeah, me too." Hammaad replied as he stared into the distance. Husna sighed and Hammaad reached for her hand. Turning to her, he said, "No matter what happens, I will always love you. You're my world. My life. My best friend and the holder of my heart. Just know that no matter where life takes us or where we land up, I will always love you. I promise you that. No human will ever be able to distort the strong feelings I have for you."
Husna's eyes glazed over and tears threatened to spill down her cheeks for what felt like the millionth time that night. "I love you too, Hammaad. I'll always love you. You're my best friend."
Later that night, Husna tossed and turned in her bed as her mind replayed the earlier events. They had to be nightmares! But when she woke up from yet another nightmare, she realised that her nightmares were her reality. And no matter how much she tried to block them out, they insisted on haunting her and reminding her about the terrible fold of events that had occurred earlier.
Panting, she got out of bed and took a sip of water from the bottle that lay on her bedside table. She grabbed her phone to look at the time. 02:02 it read. The nightmares had made the night feel so long but it was still so early. She sighed and just as she was about to put her phone down, a message popped up. It was from Hammaad.
Hammaad: I can't sleep. All I can think about is what happened earlier.
Husna: Me too, I keep wishing that it was nothing more than a nightmare.
Hammaad: Make dua. Keep making dua. That's our only hope.
Husna: I know.
Against her better judgement, Husna walked to her window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Hammaad. She felt like she needed to see him, just so that for a moment, her heart could feel at ease. And when she looked out, she saw Hammaad, staring straight at her. Hammaad's window was diagonally across from Husna's window. When they were younger, they would use the window as a means of communication. Their parents would often tell them to stop doing that because they'd have to shout and they'd end up making a noise. As they grew older, they began using their phones and very rarely, would they shout from their windows.
The two were unable to tear their eyes away from each other and although they weren't close enough to whisper to each other, their hearts already connected and communicated with one another.
Night after night, Husna and Hammaad began to follow the same pattern. Whenever they couldn't sleep, they'd resort to the window so that they could see each other. But deep down, both of them knew that sooner or later they would have to face reality, especially with the way things were going. Muneera refused to change her mind and no matter how many times Hammaad tried to speak to her, she would shut him off.
Husna's parents tried to warn her to stay away from Hammaad to save herself from the heartache but she couldn't. She was drawn to him and even a day without her best friend would feel incomplete. She didn't want to fathom the idea that there may come a point when she'd be forced to cut off all communication with Hammaad. But at the end of the day, she still held onto hope that by some miracle, she would be with Hammaad.
•Chapter 9•
An eight-year-old Hammaad held an ice cream in his hands as he gave a seven-year-old Husna a toothy grin.
"What's your flavour?" He asked.
"Bubblegum. It's so nice. Have a taste." Husna offered Hammaad her ice cream.
Hammaad tasted the ice cream and his eyes widened. "Let's swap!" He suggested.
"No!" Husna said stubbornly and as she tried to cross her arms, her ice cream fell to the ground. She stared at it in shock before her lower lip began to tremble.
"Have mine." Hammaad offered before Husna could burst into tears. "It's also yummy."
Husna gave him a watery smile and took the ice cream. "You my bestest friend in the whole wide world!" She exclaimed.
"But yesterday you told me you hate me and I stink like rotten frogs."
"Yesterday you didn't give me your ice cream and you were being a stinky friend. You put your mud hands in my hair." Husna replied. "But today you giving me your ice cream and you not being stinky!"
Hammaad giggled. "Naeem says we will get married because we always share things with each other."
Husna wrinkled her nose. "I don't want to get married."
"But then who will share ice cream with you?" Hammaad asked.
"Is that what you do when you married?" Husna asked innocently. "You share things?"
"That's what Naeem said."
Husna smiled. "Okay, we can get married. Only when I'm big and if you still my friend."
Husna woke up in a shock. She could still remember her seven-year-old self telling Hammaad that she would marry him. She had forgotten about that incident until tonight. Unwittingly, it had brought a smile to her face. As she shook her head and tried to clear her thoughts, she suddenly remembered that she had performed istikhara and begged Allah to give her some sort of sign. Her dream had made her happy, and somewhat carefree. Those were the simple times and if she could, she'd go back in time just so that she could relive those moments.
The more she thought about her dream, the more she began to believe that it had been a positive sign from her Lord. There was not even a single iota of doubt in her mind that Hammaad was perfect for her.
And when she lay her head back down to sleep, she was hit with another dream that left her feeling even more carefree than before.
An eleven-year-old Husna sat on the couch-shaped rock near the pond. She loved coming here, she always felt that this place somehow managed to make her feel at ease. Some of her classmates had been mean to her again. They had laughed at her and told her that her hair colour was ugly and that no one wanted to sit next to her.
She pulled her knees towards her chest and wrapped her arms around them as tears started pouring down her face. She knew she looked different compared to her classmates but she didn't think that they would be mean about it.
She was so engrossed in her own thoughts that she didn't notice someone's presence behind her until she felt a tap on her shoulder. Husna started, almost afraid to turn around. She knew that her parents would be upset if they knew she had come here alone. She usually came here with Hammaad. She slowly turned around and came face to face with Hammaad. She breathed a sigh of relief.
"Oh, it's you!" She said through her tears.
Hammaad's playful expression immediately changed to a look of worry. "Husna, what's wrong?"
"The girls in my class started with me again. They said my hair colour is ugly and that no one wants to sit next to me."
"Is that why you didn’t wait for me after school?"
Husna nodded. "Why do they always make fun of the way I look?"
"Because you look different. And that's a good thing. You don't look like them. You look like Husna. And Husna is the best person under the sun."
Husna sniffed and wiped her nose. "But even you make fun of my hair."
"I don't ever mean it. You know your hair is brown, it's not grey. And you my best friend. Even if the whole world didn't want to sit next to you because of your hair, I would always want to sit next to you. Even when you a granny and you old and wrinkly. I'll still want to be your friend. You are the best ever."
"Promise?" Husna asked through her tears.
"Promise what?"
"Promise that you will always be my friend."
"I promise that I will always always always be your friend." Husna smiled as Hammaad wrapped an arm around her. "Come, I have an idea."
Hammaad walked towards the big tree and looked for a strong twig. "What are you doing?" Husna asked.
"You'll see." Hammaad worked silently for a few minutes as he engraved something on the tree. He stepped back and smiled proudly at his work. "Oh no, I forgot to add friends!"
Husna peered at his engraving and broke into a smile. It read HUSNA & HAMMAAD 4EVER.
"It was supposed to say ‘Husna and Hammaad friends forever’." Hammaad said sounding disappointed.
"It doesn't matter. We not only friends, we also neighbours. I hope forever."
Hammaad smiled. "Even if you don't want me to be your friend, I will always be your friend. You are my favourite person...sometimes! Even if you look old!" Hammaad said playfully.
Husna narrowed her eyes and walked towards Hammaad. He started to back away slowly when he noticed the naughty gleam in her eye.
"Wait! Husna! Wait! I'm joking!" Husna continued to walk towards him, as they both inched closer and closer to the pond.
"I'll get you." Husna said in a whisper as she lunged towards Hammaad. She fell against him and they both lost their balance before tumbling into the pond.
They screeched and shrieked between their laughter as they splashed one another playfully. Every time one of them tried to get out, the other would pull them back in. After twenty minutes, the two friends called a truce and got out of the pond. They made their way to a sunny patch of grass to dry off. Husna sighed. Hammaad always knew how to make her feel better. She could barely remember what she had been upset about earlier.
•Chapter 10•
Husna woke up from her dream, a smile on her face. She could still remember the day that she and Hammaad had ended up in the pond. She had actually forgotten about that memory until it had replayed in her dream. She sighed, a feeling of contentment washing over her.
At that moment she knew that her istikhara had turned out positive. She knew that Hammaad would be the perfect match for her. He always had been. He had been her happiness during her sadness, he had been her excitement during her boredom, he had been her best friend, her better half.
And just as Husna had positive dreams about Hammaad, he too had positive dreams about her. He needed to tell his mother that his istikhara had turned out positive. Maybe that would change her mind. But deep down, he knew that nothing could ever change her mind, except a miracle.
Husna knew that she should break off all contact with Hammaad. It would be detrimental towards her wellbeing if things didn't work out and besides, she knew that it was wrong. All communication between them was haraam. She knew that. Maybe this was her punishment for not keeping her distance from Hammaad. Maybe this was her own doing. She always knew that spending time with Hammaad was wrong. After all, when a non-mahram male and female are alone together, the devil is the third person. And she and Hammaad spent almost all their lives together. They should have stopped when they both had reached puberty. A mutual attraction was bound to happen. It was too late to dwell on that any longer and although Husna tried to stay away from Hammaad, her heart would not allow her to cooperate.
The few months leading towards the year end went faster than expected. Hammaad knew that he had to try and broach the subject of marrying Husna with his mother again. He prayed with all of his heart that his mother would accept the love of his life.
The closer the time came towards the year end, the larger the lump in Husna's throat grew. She constantly felt like she was about to burst into tears and her heart kept pounding with nervousness. It was now or never. She too prayed with all of her heart, hoping that she could be with the man that had her heart.
To clear her head, Husna decided to go to the park. She needed to calm her nerves. Later today, Hammaad was planning on speaking to his mother again and Husna's nerves were shot.
She got to the rock and was surprised to find Hammaad already there.
"Hammaad?" She called gently.
He turned around to look at her and gave her a small smile. "What are you doing here?" He asked.
"I needed to calm myself down. I'm so anxious, I can barely think straight. What are you doing here?"
Hammaad sighed. "Trying to clear my head so that when I speak to my mother, I can speak to her rationally."
Husna took a seat next to Hammaad, leaving a few inches open between them. "I'm scared." She half whispered.
Hammaad turned to look at her. "Me too. But if this works out, it will be worth it."
"I can't imagine being with anyone but you."
"Me too. I don't want to be with anyone but you. Hammaad replied, his voice shaking slightly.
"What will you do if things don't work out?" Husna asked. She looked off into the distance, trying hard to keep her emotions in check.
Hammaad looked down, hoping that his voice wouldn't crack. "I don't know."
"I suppose both of us will have to eventually marry." Husna said, trying hard to sound disinterested.
"I suppose so. But no matter who I marry, my heart will always be yours, Husna."
"And mine yours." She paused for a second. "Look, let's make a deal. If things don't work out, let's promise to stay away from each other as best as we can. We'll email each other on birthdays only. But other than that, we will need to stay away from each other."
Hammaad rubbed his head. "I don't know how I'll be able to stay away from you. If things don't work out, let's meet one more time. To say goodbye." As he said these words, his voice cracked and his emotions poured out.
Husna looked away, taking deep breaths. "Okay, we'll meet one last time..."
He cleared his throat and took Husna's cold hand into his. "Your hands are freezing. You're so anxious." He pointed out. Ever since Husna was a child, her hands would turn icy when she was anxious or nervous and Hammaad knew this better than anyone else.
"Uh huh." She said. "I am anxious. My hands always give away my secrets." She said lightly.
"No... it's not that. I was always able to read your face. I almost always know what you feel."
Husna sighed. "Yet another reason why we should be together."
"Let's stop speaking about this. What if we're stressed for nothing? What if my mother finally comes to her senses?"
"I can't help it. I feel like I should prepare for the worst so that it won't hurt as much."
"I know what you mean. But we need to be positive. We need to be optimistic. And most importantly, we need to pray."
Husna sighed. "I've been praying with all of my heart. I probably beg Allah over twenty times a day so that I can be with you. And I'm trying so hard to remind myself that if Allah does not accept this dua, there's a reason beyond my comprehension.
Hammaad nodded and the two of them fell into a silence. After a few minutes, Husna got up and went up to the tree their names had been engraved in. She lightly grazed their names as she thought about her prayers. She would never get tired of praying. She knew that no matter what would happen, it would be for the best. Even if she could not understand it, even if she didn't want it... After all, fate can never be challenged.
After a while, the two walked home and parted ways. Hammaad needed to speak to his mother. Husna could barely think straight. When she got home, she went straight to her bedroom and in tears, turned to her Creator.
Meanwhile, Hammaad approached his mother. His heart pounded in his chest and he was almost certain that she could hear it. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get a word out, Naeem walked in and lightly punched his arm. Hammaad looked at him and turned to his mother. It was now or never. He was glad that his brother had pitched up. After all, Naeem was rooting for Husna and Hammaad.
"Mum?" Hammaad said softly. "Can I speak to you?"
Muneera had been busy chopping up vegetable but when she heard Hammaad call her, she visibly stiffened. It was the way in which he called her that immediately made her realise what he wanted to speak about. She slowly put down the knife and turned around.
"If this is about-" She began.
"Mum, let Hammaad say what he needs to." Naeem interrupted gently.
Muneera rolled her eyes at her eldest son and turned to Hammaad. "Speak."
"I know you don't want me to marry Husna because her ancestors were black and coloured and whatever. But to me, that doesn't matter. I love her. She's a good girl. She has morals, she gets along well with everyone and people love her... I love her. She already treats all of us as family already. She's...she's my better half." Hammaad trailed off, hoping his mother's heart had softened and that she could listen to reason.
Muneera's eyes flashed in anger. "I don't care how amazing Husna is. But I refuse to let my son marry a karya and end up having karya children."
"Mum." Naeem said loudly. "That's racist. There is absolutely nothing with black people. Bilal RA was a black man and he was so beloved to our Nabi. Umm Ayman, the first woman to hold our Nabi was a black woman. In fact, our Nabi called her a woman of Jannah. Islam sees no colour."
"Don't you dare preach to me!" Muneera said in anger, her voice rising a couple of octaves. "What will people say? That I gave my son to a black person?"
"Well, what would you have done if I decided to marry a black woman?" Naeem asked, challenging his mother.
"If you ever do such a despicable act, you will not be my son."
"MUNEERA!" Ismail, who had overheard the whole conversation, walked in, visibly seething. "How dare you speak like that? Do you have no morals? How can you speak about people like that just because their skin colour is different? ENOUGH! I'm tired of this racism of yours. It's sickening!"
Muneera gripped the table and very slowly started to speak. "Take your son's part and I will leave you."
Ismail stared at his wife, anger laced through his features and Muneera stared back at him, unflinching. The tension in the kitchen grew larger than life and Hammaad almost felt suffocated by the hatred that emanated from his mother.
•Chapter 11•
Muneera took a deep breath as hatred spewed out of her mouth in the form of words. "If you want to marry that karya-bushy, go ahead. But if you do, you don't have a mother. I will disown you."
Hammaad stumbled back, almost as if his mother's cruel words had physically knocked him down. Naeem grabbed his hand and gave his mother a look of disgust. "May Allah purify your heart and create love in your heart, mummy. And may Allah forgive you for holding such disgusting hatred in your heart." With that, he grabbed Hammaad by the arm and pulled him out of the kitchen.
Hammaad's face twisted in pain. "She... How Naeem? How can she hate so much?"
Naeem sighed. "Pray for her, brother. Pray for Mum... It is not normal to hate so much. If she continues to hold such hatred in her heart, it will destroy her. It will destroy all of us."
Hammaad cleared his throat, trying hard not to cry. "I have to end things with her, I won't be able to marry her. Even though Mum hates so much, she is still our mother. I need her blessings."
Naeem groaned in disgust. "I'm sure you're exempted from requiring her blessings because it's based on hatred. But I know you and I know that you won't make such an important decision without mum's blessings. If it was me, I would have probably gone against her. I know it's not right...but it's not right to hate a person based on their skin colour."
"Two wrongs don't make a right, bro."
"I know."
As Hammaad tried to regain his composure, he suddenly remembered that he needed to tell Husna as soon as possible. But how could he tell the love of his life that his mother's stance did not change? How could he tell her that they would never be able to get married and that they would never be in each other's lives again? How could he lose his childhood friend? How could he step back and continue living his life without her?
He couldn’t find the words so all he texted Husna was a broken heart followed by the words, "Let’s talk".
When Husna opened the message, she fell to the ground. It felt as if the whole world had just collapsed upon her fragile shoulders. How would she carry on? How would she get up again and live? The pain in her heart was deep. As if it was crushed by a boulder and as if the broken pieces were being repeatedly crushed, leaving nothing behind. And how do you heal a heart that is so broken? How do you put together something that has reduced to absolutely nothing?
Husna's phone rang and startled her out of her dark thoughts. She picked up without bothering to look at the caller ID. "Hello?" She asked between her tears.
"Husna?" Hammaad's voice triggered something in her and suddenly, she was heaving as tears cascaded down her cheeks. "Oh baby, don't cry." Hammaad said, trying hard to keep his voice neutral. He had to be strong for the both of them. "Please don't cry. Let's talk, okay?"
Husna nodded, forgetting that he couldn't see her.
"Husna?" Hammaad asked again.
"Okay." Husna finally managed to answer.
"Meet me outside. I'll be in my car."
Husna nodded again and hung up. She tried to get up and her legs gave out as she crumbled to the floor. She was hurting, she was hurting all over and she didn't think that she would ever be able to stop hurting.
After what felt like forever, Husna managed to get herself to Hammaad's car. She opened the door and collapsed on the seat. "Just drive." She whispered as she opened the window.
Without further coaxing, Hammaad started the engine and sped off. After about twenty minutes, he slowed down. "I'm going to park off here." He said.
Husna didn't say anything. They had reached the botanical gardens. The memories Husna had of this place were only happy ones of her and Hammaad. She didn't want to ruin it and taint it with the memories of the pain she was going through.
"No. Go somewhere else. I can't ruin the memories that we shared in this place."
Hammaad nodded and headed towards a quiet mall. The mall parking lot was deserted, except for a handful of cars and a security guard who was listlessly wandering around. He parked the car in the corner and banged his hand against the steering wheel.
"What do I say?" He asked himself loudly.
Husna turned her tear streaked face towards her best friend. "She said no, didn't she?"
Hammaad nodded, unable to look at Husna. He hadn't looked at her since she had gotten into the car. Because he knew that if he looked at her, he would break into a million tiny pieces. "She said no." He whispered.
"Now what?" Husna asked.
Hammaad gathered all of his courage and finally turned to face Husna. Tears were streaming down her face again and he could feel his heart shattering more and more with each passing moment. "Don't cry, my love. Please. Don't cry." He said the words almost hypocritically because he could feel the tears that pricked his own eyes.
Husna looked away, she couldn't bear to see the pain that was clearly visible on her best friend's face. She took a deep, shaky breath and closed her eyes. "What now?" She finally managed to say.
Hammaad grimaced. "I-I don't know. I really don't know."
"Me too."
Hammaad gently took her hand. "No matter what happens though, I will always love you. I will never love anyone the way I love you. My heart will forever be yours. Know that."
Husna choked back on her tears. The pain she felt was so intense, it was almost paralysing. "I couldn't have said it any better. I don't know how to move on. I don't even know how to live my life without you. All my life..." She had to take another deep breath before she could continue to speak. "All my life, you've been there for me. You've been by my side. I literally hdon't know how to move on without you by my side. I can't do it." She whispered before falling into his arms.
He caught her and felt his heart break further as her fragile shoulders slumped in defeat. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I wish that it didn't have to be this way. I'd do anything to change it."
"I know... I know, Hammaad."
He sighed in frustration. "I just wish I knew how we'd move past this. All my life, you've always been right there. I'd pop into your house whenever I wanted to. I'd call you whenever I wanted to somewhere. You've always been my go-to. How do we change that? I don't even know how to live without you."
"I know...because I feel the same way. A life without you is not a life. It's just a mere existence." Another feeling started creeping up on Husna. "Why did they allow us to be so close if they were never going to allow us to get married? It was inevitable!" She said in anger.
"Do you regret our friendship?" Hammaad asked in confusion.
"No, not for a second. Our friendship has been the most beautiful friendship ever. It taught me how to love, how to forgive, how to stand up for myself... The list is pretty much endless. Our friendship is one of those friendships that people seek all their lives. I don't regret it and I never will. I just want to know why were we allowed to be so close if we were never going to be allowed to be together?"
"If they had never allowed us to be friends, we would never have experienced this type of friendship and this type of love."
"And we would never have to experience this soul-crushing heartbreak. We would never experience feeling like you can't breathe even though your breath comes out so heavy and your chest heaves. We would have never experienced a painfully pounding heart that is broken beyond ever being repaired. We would have never experienced this life... This life which has broken every part of me and filled every crevice of my being with such hurt, I feel like I'm going to explode because of the intensity of this horrendous pain..." Husna clutched her heart as the tears flowed down her face in a stream of hurt. "It physically hurts. I feel like I'm drowning in this ocean of broken glass and every time I breathe, it cuts me more. I feel so many different things, I'm on the verge of losing the essence of who I am."
As Husna described her pain, the tears fell from Hammaad's face. Her description was painfully accurate, and he felt the same way. How could he heal her heart and make her whole again? "I wish I could say let's run away together but I know you would never do that and I know you want my mother's blessings too. I wish I could say it's going to be okay." His voice cracked. "I wish I could transfer your pain to me, even if the intensity of both our pains would kill me, I would do it for you. I would do anything for you."
Many people don't always get what they crave for, what they pray for, what their hearts yearn for. And Husna began to believe that she was one of those people. She wondered if her Lord heard her prayers. But deep down, she knew that Allah heard all her prayers and her thoughts. She knew that He was the Lord of all the worlds. She knew that He knew her better than herself. But she couldn't help but wonder why her prayers weren't answered. She had prayed with all of her heart. She had spent countless hours begging and pleading with Allah to grant her what her heart most desired: Hammaad. Why was she being punished this way? Why was her heart breaking over and over again? Why had Hammaad's mother completely rejected her?
After all, life is not fair, it was never meant to be fair. But what is fair, is the time we have been given on this earth. And that is the only thing that every person has the same amount of.
•Chapter 12•
Husna and Hammaad had chatted for hours. In fact, both of their parents had called them, completely worried. They had said their final goodbyes to each other and it was the most incredibly heartbreaking thing either of them had ever experienced. A stranger would be able to feel the emotions that had flown between them and even the stranger would have been drowning in their own tears. Their final embrace had left them both breathless, empty and completely defeated. And when they let each other go, the world felt like it shook in denial. For how can two people that love each other so intensely part ways?
"Husna, I promise to always love you. No matter where life takes me, you will always be in my heart." Hammaad said in a broken voice.
"And I will always love you. My heart is filled with love for you only and I will never love another the way I love you." Husna replied. "Promise me one thing though."
"Anything."
"Promise me that you will try to find happiness. You will try to find love again."
"Husna... You know I can't do that."
"Please. I just want you to be happy." Husna replied through her tears.
"I'll make you that promise, if you promise me the same."
Husna looked away. "I can't"
"Then how do you expect me to move on, my love?"
"Okay. Let's do this, Let's promise to try. We will promise each other to try to move on." Husna looked into Hammaad's eyes. "But I can't imagine life with anyone but you. I don't want to get married if not to you."
Hammaad sighed. "You're stealing the words straight out of my mouth."
"So what do we do?" Husna asked. "I want you to be happy. Because if you're happy, I'll be happy.
"We'll promise each other that we will try to be happy. Our relationship did not go in vain. It left us with incredible memories. And if I can't be happy about anything else, I'll hold on to these memories and I will smile again."
Husna nodded. "You're right." They held each other for a while, both deep in thought before Husna cleared her throat and looked at Hammaad. "The only time we will hear from each other again is on our birthdays, okay? And we're only allowed to wish each other. Nothing more."
Hammaad nodded grimly. They had discussed this before. It was for their own sanity. If they could never let go of each other, they would try. And they knew that they shouldn't even do this, but their hearts refused to part. "I love you, baby." Hammaad whispered into Husna's ear. "I will love you forever."
"I love you too." She whispered back as tears streamed down her face at the finality of it all.
*
As Hammaad got into the house, his mother charged for him. "Where were you?" She asked through gritted teeth.
"You wanted me to end my relationship with Husna and that is what we did." Hammaad replied coldly.
Muneera blinked in shock. Her son was always so warm. The look in his eyes was colder than the words that left his mouth. They looked...dead.
Naeem came up to Hammaad. "You're okay?" He asked.
"Fine." Hammaad replied curtly. He tried to remove himself from any emotion. Feeling nothing at all was easier than feeling a heartbreak so intense.
Naeem looked taken aback. "Do you want to talk?"
"No."
"You finally came to your senses, my son." Muneera said, finally realising what her son had done.
Hammaad turned his cold eyes back to his mother. "No. I did this for you. Don't ever expect me to love again. I feel dead inside."
Muneera reeled in response to Hammaad's words. She felt as if he was a stranger standing in her son's body.
In the Mohamed household, Ruqayya practically pounced on Husna as she entered the house. "Husna? Are you okay? Where were you? I thought you ran away!"
Husna raised her tear streaked face to her mother. "I'm okay. But my heart will never be okay again, mummy." She crumpled to the ground and began to sob again.
Ruqayya fell to the ground with her, just as Ayesha walked in.
"What's wrong?" Ayesha asked.
"It's over." Husna replied. "My friendship with Hammaad is over. We can never be together."
"Oh, Husna!" Ayesha replied as she lowered herself next to her sister. "I am so sorry. May Allah ease your pain."
After fifteen minutes of her mother and sister consoling her, Husna said that she needed to be alone.
She began to evaluate her life as she walked to her room. Maybe she was the problem. Maybe her prayers weren't answered because she was at fault. And why were her prayers not being answered? She always prayed all of her salaahs. She tried to be a good person. She tried not to speak about people and she tried not to hurt people. So why wasn't Allah answering her prayers? Why was He letting her heart shatter? Why, why, why? She kept questioning herself.
But somewhere in the back of her mind, something was trying to come to light. She felt as if it was her answer. She took a deep breath before going to the bathroom to perform ablution. She needed some sort of clarity. She prayed two rakaats of salaah and as she concluded, she realised her flaw. She had been so focused on why her prayers were not getting answered, she had forgotten about everything else. She was questioning her destiny. She was questioning the Lord of all the worlds, her Allah.
How can anyone question what Allah has decreed? Is it because our mere mortal being cannot fathom the greatness of our Lord? Or is it because our brain cannot comprehend what Allah does in His glory? Albeit, we cannot fathom the lengths of our Lord's greatness, he has given us the ability to understand certain aspects of Him. It is not because we are blind towards our Lord's mercy. Nay, it is the whisperings of the devil, the evil one of whom Allah has given the power to create doubts in our minds.
And this devil, this wretched devil knows us all too well. Humans are easy to manipulate, and so, he works hard on us. He sways us, he creates doubts in our hearts and minds, he slowly makes us question Allah. Because this wretched soul knows that we are mere mortals, built with whims and desires and that we can easily be led astray.
As Husna's thoughts ran away with her, she suddenly remembered that although her prayers were not getting answered, there was a reason for this. She racked her brain, trying hard to remember the reasons. She grabbed her phone and did a quick Google search.
There it was. Sometimes we may think that our prayers are not getting answered but that's not the case. There are three types of responses to our prayers. The first is getting exactly what was asked for, the second is being saved from harm or evil and the third is that the prayer is stored up as a reward for the day of Resurrection.
It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no Muslim who does not offer any dua in which there is no sin or severing of family ties but Allah will give him one of three things in return: either He will answer his dua sooner, or he will store it up for him in the Hereafter, or He will divert an equivalent evil away from him because of it.” They said: “We will say a lot of dua.” He said: “Allah is more generous.”
[Narrated by Ahmad (10749), classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb (1633).]
Husna thought about her prayer. She prayed that Aunty Muneera would accept her as a daughter-in-law and that she and Hammaad could get married. It wasn't a sinful prayer. She didn't only ask to be with Hammaad because that could have led to the break up in family ties, but she prayed that Aunty Muneera would accept her as she is.
Maybe she would eventually be with Hammaad. Who knew? But at this point, that didn't even seem remotely likely. So maybe Allah was saving her from something. Or maybe Allah would reward her in the hereafter. But she would have to endure the pain in her heart patiently.
Husna took a deep breath and went straight to her prayer mat. And for the next two hours, she cried her heart out to her Lord. She begged Him to help her overcome the heartbreak that threatened her sanity. She cried to Allah, begging for peace, contentment and solace. She asked to endure the pain patiently and to get rewarded for the pain she endured.
Husna knew that she would falter. She was a human being with a broken heart. And a broken heart can be so damaging, it can lead one to an incomparable darkness. At this point, Husna felt that her future looked bleak. She had never imagined a life without her best friend.
She also knew that she shouldn't base her future and happiness solely on marriage. Maybe she needed to find herself. Maybe she needed to find peace and maybe she needed to do some self-reflection. But at the same time, Husna was always someone that enjoyed being around her loved ones. If she wasn't with Hammaad, she'd be with her own family or with Hammaad’s family.
She eventually got up from the prayer mat and took a deep breath. As hard as it was and as painful as the continuous pierce of her shattered heart felt, she would try to move on. For her own sanity, she would try.
She went to her window and stared out into the distance, but all she could think about was the fond memories of herself and her best friend. Husna looked down, trying hard not to burst into tears again.
Hammaad too, was in a similar situation. Prayer was the only thing that helped him. He needed his heart to be eased. He prayed and prayed, and then prayed some more. But the emptiness he felt, just grew. He almost felt like he was dead inside. And it was only when allowed himself to feel again, he would feel the crushing pain that consumed him. And in those moments, he would pray. He didn't want to feel. He wanted to shut his feelings off. But what is a mortal human without feeling pain? How would the human experience any sort of joy if there was no pain? How would the human yearn for paradise without the suffering of this world?
And although Hammaad tried his hardest to forget about the pain that was so intense, it was hard. After all, we're nothing more than human. And human beings hurt, they cry, they fall and they falter.
•Chapter 13•
The months began to pass by, and both Husna and Hammaad tried to move on. But how can one move on when the anchor of love is so strong? How can anyone move on when the anchor that has always stabilized them suddenly becomes a burden? Or was it only because the forbidden lovers refused to untie themselves from the anchor? They had to take the first step but the thing was, they were not only tied to the anchor, they were also tied to each other. And along the years, they had knotted themselves over and over again, making it impossible to untie themselves from one another.
It was a complicated situation, to say the least. It didn't help that they stayed next to each other. No matter how much they tried to avoid each other, they would always end up seeing each other. And as much as they tried to avoid eye contact, there would always be a stolen glance. And that one glance would hold so much of emotion, it would silently destroy them. They could feel how the other felt and it was so incredibly agonizing.
Husna went into Ayesha's room after seeing Hammaad again. The two had built their relationship again. Albeit, it was on Husna’s pain.
"I can't do this, Ayesh. No matter how much I try to move on, every time I see him again, I feel like I'm back to square one."
"Husna... I know. It's going to feel like it gets harder before it gets any easier."
Husna played with a loose thread on Ayesha's bed. "Why? Why did it have to be this way?" She kept silent for a while, deep in thought. Although, there's one thing good that came out of this." She tried to say lightly.
"And what is that?" Ayesha asked, her eyebrows raised. She pushed her glasses up and peered at her sister curiously.
"You and I have started to spend more time together. Did it really take a heartbreak to force us to mend our relationship? Or was it because I suddenly had all this extra time on my hands since Ha... since he hasn't been in my life." She tried to avoid saying her best friend's name.
Ayesha gave a small smile and looked away. "It wasn't because of you. I know I always blamed you because you were spending so much time with...him but it was actually because I was so jealous of the friendship you had. I used to wish that I had a friendship like that. So because of my own jealousy, I pushed you away. But now that you don't have that friendship, instead of feeling happy, my heart breaks for you. I didn't ever want your friendship with him to end just so that we could work on our relationship. I'm really sorry, Husna. I wish that it could have been a better situation under which our relationship improved."
Husna smiled. "I wouldn't want to have any other sister because I already have the best. You've given me strength and you've given me a shoulder to cry on. I'm so grateful for you. And I honestly wish that I had spent more time with you when we were younger. It shouldn't have taken this long for me to find the sister that I had always wanted in you."
Ayesha pulled Husna into a hug. "It doesn't matter anymore. And just know that I will always be here for you, whenever you need me."
"And I'll always be there for you. Even if I'm falling apart."
Ayesha flashed her sister a grin. "I know. And you need to know that you're stronger than you think. Things are hard now...but eventually, it's going to get better. You'll see."
"In-Sha-Allah." Husna replied softly.
As time continued to go on, Husna was certain that things were not getting better. In fact, the knife in her heart just felt like it was being pushed deeper and deeper. There were so many occasions where she almost rushed over to Hammaad's house for a chat - like the old days. It was a force of habit and it was so hard to stop herself and remind herself that she could no longer do that.
Hammaad could also feel the pain in his heart grow excruciatingly bigger. Every morning, he would wait for Husna to jump into his car, her scent softly filling the air around them and the small sigh of relief she would always give when she was finally in the car. But every morning, she wouldn't come. He knew she wouldn't because they had cut off all communication with each other. But there was this hope in him... It was silly but it was there. A part of him just wished that they could break all the rules and follow their hearts, regardless of who got hurt in the process. But the part of him that was his moral compass, would never allow him to do that.
A year ago, things were so different. Every day, the two used to wait for each other after classes. They were almost never seen without each other, except during the Sabeeha drama. Now it was their final year, and Husna and Hammaad were travelling to university by themselves. They subconsciously learned each others timetable and strategically tried to avoid each other even though their crushed hearts were like magnets, pulling them towards each other. Both seemed to have the same idea, they'd get to campus, go to class and leave as soon as they could.
It was going relatively well. Until one day Husna decided to grab herself a bottle of water from the convenience store on campus. She had just paid and as she whirled around to leave, she bumped straight into someone. Her water went flying through the air and as her foot caught, she went hurtling into the arms of the person she bumped. Not bothering to look up, she mumbled an apology.
"Husna?" The all too familiar voice whispered. She froze, almost certain that she was dreaming. But those arms around her felt too real and too familiar. She slowly glanced up and came face to face with the love of her life. Hammaad held onto her, unable to let her go. She gasped in disbelief and as she clutched onto him, holding him for dear life. And when she had realised that it was him, her grip on him had subconsciously tightened.
The love between them had not dissipated, not even in the slightest and they could both feel it. However, even though it all felt so familiar, so normal, and so so right, it also had a tinge of unfamiliarity. All those months had created some sort of barrier between them. And although there was this barrier between them, their hearts still yearned for each other. After all, their hearts were intertwined and no matter how hard they pulled at the ropes that held their hearts together, it wouldn't snap. In fact, it was a countereffect, the harder they pulled on those ropes, the tighter the knots became.
"I miss you." Husna blurted out, unable to control herself. She clamped her hand over her mouth and her eyes widened. No, how could she tell Hammaad that? How would they both be able to move on if she said things like that?
Hammaad knew that she was nervous. She would always do silly things when she was nervous. How could two people that had spent almost all their lives together, suddenly be nervous around each other?
"I miss you too." Hammaad replied. He knew he shouldn't have said it but he couldn't help himself. Those words had been frozen on his tongue for so long and it felt good to finally say it. He steadied her but made no move to let her go. It was as if time stood still. They stared at each other, unspoken words flying between them.
Husna made the first move. She looked away, trying hard to break the spell of emotions that had consumed them. She cleared her throat and gently pulled away from Hammaad.
"Sorry," She mumbled. "I didn't see you." She said meekly.
Hammaad just wanted to hug her. "You don't need to apologise." He said a bit too formally. "You weren't wrong."
"I have to go." Husna muttered as tears threatened to flood her face.
"Husna." Hammaad said. Husna tried not to look at him but she couldn't help herself. She looked into his eyes as her own eyes began to tear up. "Please don't cry." Hammaad whispered in a heartbroken voice.
She nodded and turned away as quickly as possible, practically tripping as her vision blurred. She needed to get out of there. She needed some fresh air. It was so incredibly agonizing to see Hammaad there. The pain was paralyzing. She knew she had missed him but the magnitude of how much she missed him had hit her like a thousand bricks when she fell into his arms. It was weird. You never really know how much you miss someone until you see them.
Hammaad stared at Husna's retreating back and swallowed the lump in his throat. He missed her so much that it was physically painful. His heart felt as if it was going to burst and allow all the shattered fragments to explode around him. How could he live his life without her?
The next two weeks were painful for the two. That moment replayed in their minds, over and over again. They so desperately wanted each other but they knew that they would never be able to be together.
And just as Hammaad was trying to calm the storm that had been raging within him since he had seen Husna, his mother decided to drop a bomb.
Muneera called Hammaad and smiled warmly at her son. Hammaad tried to smile back at his mother but failed miserably.
As it was, their relationship had been strained since Husna and Hammaad had ended things. Muneera had walked around happily, sure that her son would get over it. But it had been months and Hammaad still couldn't carry a decent conversation with his mother. He was in too much pain. Muneera only did what she did for his own good. She kept telling herself that, but deep down, she knew that she had forced Hammaad to choose between his best friend and his mother for her own selfish reasons. Deep down, Muneera knew that her hatred towards other races ran deep.
"So how have you been?" Muneera asked Hammaad.
"Okay." Hammaad replied, unable to explain any further.
"That's good. I'm glad to see that you're okay."
Hammaad grunted in response. Muneera knew full well that her son was not okay and that's why she had a plan for him.
"So I know that even though you're okay, you've also been a little bit upset. And I think it's time I ease your pain." Muneera said.
A flicker of hope sparked inside Hammaad. Maybe his mother finally came to her senses. Little did he know that the flicker of hope would soon turn into a raging fire.
"I know you have a broken heart and I know how we can fix it." The hope in Hammaad's heart grew. "The only way you will forget about Husna is if you get married to a beautiful girl. And I've found the perfect girl for you."
•Chapter 14•
Hammaad froze and blinked several times as the words registered in his mind. Suddenly, that spark burst into flames and rage engulfed him. He jumped off the chair and it viciously scraped across the ground before toppling over.
Hammaad was angrier than he had ever been. Why would his mother say something like this when she knew that his heart was broken beyond repair? So when she told Hammaad what was on her mind, the floodgates of hurt had poured out of Hammaad. He stared at his mother, words unable to leave his mouth.
"I know. It's a shock." Muneera started.
Hammaad took a deep breath, trying to calm his rage. What was he supposed to say? That his heart would always belong to Husna? After what seemed like forever, Hammaad said coldly, "I don't want to get married."
"Just see the girl." Muneera pressed. "She's beautiful."
"Beauty of another woman does not phase me. The only beautiful girl in my eyes is the same girl that I cannot be with." Hammaad turned on his heel and went to his room. He was so angry, he punched his wooden table in anger, leaving a large dent in it.
He ran his hands through his hair angrily. How could his mother think that marriage to another would solve this problem? How would that put out the fire that burned in his heart? How could another woman ever put his heart back together? It wasn't just broken, it was shattered beyond repair.
He went to his window and regretted it instantly. He caught a glimpse of Husna and the fire in his heart started to burn with even more rage than before. His mind went back to the simpler days. He missed those carefree days. He missed Husna handing him her mother's delicious baklava. He missed how Husna would toss her hair over her shoulder and the scent of her hair would travel to his nose. He missed sitting on the swing outside his house with his best friend as they chatted about life. He missed how Husna would look when he'd wake her up in the mornings, with her dishevelled hair and tired eyes. He missed her with every crevice of his being. He missed her more than he ever thought that he could. As each day passed by, he longed for her more than the previous day.
He was a mere shell of his former self. He was cold and empty. And he often wondered if he would ever stop feeling that way.
Later that day, as Hammaad settled down to eat, his mother brought up the topic again.
"Hammaad, did you think about what I said?"
Ismail looked up. "Let the boy eat in peace." He told his wife.
Muneera gave him an icy look. "I'm trying to help him."
Ismail sighed in response and shook his head. He was tired of arguing with his wife. He couldn't understand why she was being so pushy. She was never one to interfere in her sons' lives. Did the racism in her heart taint the rest of her heart? Did the racism spread its dirty odour throughout her?
Hammaad clenched his jaw in annoyance. "I don't want to get married." He replied.
Muneera sighed in exasperation. "How do you ever expect to get over that girl if you don't even give marriage a second thought?"
"I don't plan on getting over her." Hammaad replied coldly.
Muneera was getting angrier by the second. "So then what? You just never going to get married?"
"Fine by me." Hammaad muttered.
"Listen to me carefully." Muneera said, anger laced in her words. "You do not have a choice. You will see this girl. I already told them you will and I will not phone them and say you changed your mind. I refuse to allow you to embarrass me like that."
Hammaad looked at his mother, his emotions running wild. He knew that he would end up saying something he would regret if he opened his mouth. Instead, he shoved his chair back and stalked off.
He was even angrier than before. The fire that had started within his heart began to spread like wildfire.
There was a soft knock on his door and Hammaad ignored it. "Hammaad?" Yusha called. Naeem's voice followed, "Can we come in?"
Hammaad grunted in response, his back towards the door as he leaned on the table. He looked scary from the back. There was a rage emanating from him and it was intimidating.
Yusha walked in, followed by Naeem.
"Are you okay?" Naeem asked his brother as he and Yusha plopped themselves on the couch that sat against the wall.
"Hammaad whirled around, his fists clenched. "No. No, I'm not okay. How can Mum think that marrying another woman will help? I can never forget about Husna. Every memory I have is with her. She didn't just feature in my life. She was my life...she IS my life."
Naeem nodded. "I know. Just tell Mum that you refuse to get married. I don't even know if I would listen to her. The basis of her rejection is ridiculous."
Yusha cleared his throat. "Can I say something?" He was usually quiet and reserved so when he had to contribute to a serious conversation, it was always surprising. He preferred to stay out of any sort of drama.
Hammaad nodded and gestured for him to continue.
"I don't agree with Mum. Not even a little bit. But if you don't ever plan on going against her and if you ended things with Husna to keep Mum happy, then why not look at the girl she's telling you about? Why suffer through the pain of losing Husna if you still not going to listen to Mum? Then you might as well should have married Husna. You want to keep Mum happy. So just do this. Otherwise, all the pain you went through would have been pointless. You would still end up defying Mummy."
Hammaad and Naeem stared at their little brother in shock. Sometimes he made a lot of sense and as much as Hammaad hated what he was saying, he had to admit that what his brother was saying was actually true.
Hammaad sighed. "Why do you have to make so much of sense?" He asked in a frustrated tone. "And why can't I just follow my heart?" He dropped his head in his hands. "I really really really don't want to do this."
"You don't want to be out of Husna's life either." Yusha pointed out. "And I'm pretty sure that goes above any other thing in your life. But if you're already out of her life and you already did the one thing you would never want to do, how is this any worse?"
Naeem laid a playful punch on Yusha's shoulder. "Sometimes you make more sense than I ever could, little bro."
Yusha raised an eyebrow and gave a small grin. "Just because I prefer to remain silent, it doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about."
Later that night, Hammaad stayed awake in bed, the anger still running in his veins. He picked up his phone and did something he had promised himself he wouldn't do. He started to go through all the pictures he had with Husna.
Her beaming face, her carefree smile and her mesmerizing eyes stared back at him. They used to be so happy. They didn't have a worry in the world. All the memories of Husna came flooding back to him, making him feel as if he had been knocked out. He wanted her so badly... So then why wouldn't he just defy everything and everyone and run to her? He knew that he wasn't that type of person. As wrong as his mother was, he still wanted her blessings. And even if he was the type to defy his parents, Husna would never allow him to. He was caught between a rock and a hard place.
Hammaad didn't leave his room for three days. He spent his time praying and trying to figure out what to do. Eventually, he took a deep breath and left his room. He would speak to his mother and hear her out. His heart would always be Husna's. So no matter where life took him, it would always be irrelevant if the keeper of his heart was not by his side.
Hammaad cautiously approached his mother. Before he could even say anything, she started firing out the words that had been building up within her.
"I have spent my whole life doting on you and you won't even listen to me! I don't know what I did to deserve such ungrateful children. What about my heart that you break? All of you kids are the same! You are rude and arrogant and selfish! What did I do that was so bad in my life that I was cursed with children like you?"
Ismail grabbed his wife's arm. "Muneera, now you're speaking nonsense. Our sons have never defied you. They do everything that you say. They have always treated you like their queen. Enough. Our son is hurting. Don't hurt him more."
Muneera snatched her arm away from Ismail and then looked away. She knew that he was right. She should've actually been grateful for the sons she had. They were good kids. They always listened to her.
Hammaad cleared his throat. "Mummy, I don't want you to think that I am purposely hurting you. I'm not. At the end of the day, you're my mother and I love you. I'm in unexplainable pain. It paralyses me. But I thought about what you said. I'll see this girl that you told me about."
Muneera’s mood changed as quick as a light switch. She beamed. "Oh good! You're going to love her! She is so beautiful. She's fair in complexion and she is just so lovely."
Hammaad had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. What was his mother's fascination with fair girls? As if the colour of skin was a benchmark for beauty.
"Who is she?" Hammaad asked carefully.
"Her name is Sabeeha. Apparently, she knows you."
•Chapter 15•
Hammaad froze. Sabeeha? As in Sabs? Could life get any more complicated? He turned to his mother. "She knows me?" He asked, trying to wrap his head around the situation.
"Yes. She used to be on campus with you. I think she left. Apparently, you two were very well acquainted."
Hammaad suppressed his groan. "Oh."
"Aren't you even a little excited to see her?" Muneera asked.
Hammaad shifted uncomfortably. "The last time I spoke to her, things didn't go too well."
"What happened?"
"She thought I wanted to marry her. She told her parents that I was proposing to her."
"Well, you don't have to worry. She's very excited to see you again."
Hammaad sighed. Out of all the women in the world, why did he have to cross paths with Sabeeha again? And she hated Husna. Hammaad stopped short. That wouldn't matter anymore. Husna was no longer in his life. He cleared his throat. "When are we supposed to go see her?"
Muneera's grin grew wider. “We can go this weekend.”
Hammaad practically choked on the water he had just sipped. That was two days away! And he was beginning to write his final exams soon. He tried to argue with his mother but her excitement drowned out his protests.
The two days flew by and before Hammaad realised what was happening, he was standing on Sabeeha's front porch waiting for them to answer the doorbell. His parents and brothers were with him. He shifted uncomfortably, stupidly hoping that no one would answer. He knew that it was just wishful thinking but a man could hope, couldn't he?
The door flew open and Sabeeha stared at them, a huge smile on her face. She ushered them in, and winked at Hammaad. Her parents who had been standing behind her, welcomed them in. Hammaad looked down, already regretting that he had agreed to this ridiculous idea.
He looked at his brother who had a bemused expression on his face. Sabeeha was entertaining. She was being loud and chatty and so friendly, it was borderline irritating. Sure, the girl was pretty but beauty was only skin deep.
Hammaad barely heard what they were saying. All he knew was that it was time for Sabeeha and him to chat to each other. What would they even chat about? They already knew a lot about each other. As they walked away from everyone else, Sabeeha asked, "So what's the deal with that girl? Are you guys still friends? I was surprised to hear that you were looking for a wife."
Hammaad stared at Sabeeha in confusion. "Looking for a wife?"
"Yes, apparently your Mum mentioned that to her friend who told my aunty about it." Hammaad shook his head. Of course, his mother would do something like that. Sabeeha sat down and gestured at the seat that was opposite her. "Sit." She said. "And don't worry. I barely recall what happened during our last encounter." She gave him another playful wink. "So, Husna?" She questioned again.
Hammaad froze as his heart burned at the sound of his beloved's name. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. What was he supposed to say? That he still loved her but he couldn't be with her? After a few minutes of silence, he just said, "She's still my neighbour but I barely see her."
Sabeeha's eyes grew wide with interest. "Ooooh, this sounds juicy. Tell me everything. I want details."
"There's nothing to tell." Hammaad practically snapped in irritation.
Sabeeha held up her perfectly manicured hands. "Jeez. Tough crowd. I was just asking. Anyway, you know why we're here today. I still think you're hot and I would actually like to marry you, despite what happened in the past. You've always been the guy I told myself that I would go back to."
Hammaad blinked. He was so confused. "Did you already say you want to marry me?" He asked Sabeeha. "What if I've changed?"
"Oh, I'm sure you didn't change by much." She waved her hand dismissively. "I like you, Hammaad. I've always liked you but the last time, that wench was in our way."
"Wench?" Hammaad asked, feeling the anger seep through him.
"Yeah. Husna was so annoying."
Hammaad blew out a breath of hot air and slowly started to speak. "Look, I'm a nice guy. But even if Husna and I do not speak anymore, no one and I mean NO ONE, can speak about her like that. I won't even tolerate my wife speaking about Husna that way."
"Oh WOW! She's still a touchy subject, I see. Don't worry, I won't even mention her name. I'm sorry." She apologised so that she could get into Hammaad's good graces. "I didn't mean to say anything about her. I guess I've always been jealous of her, I guess."
Hammaad looked at Sabeeha carefully. She looked relatively sincere. He nodded. "So what do you want out of marriage?" He asked in a desperate attempt to change the topic.
"I want a husband who is strong and supportive and soft. I know I can be a bit much and honestly, you were the only man that could ever handle me. I would be thrilled if I could marry you."
Hammaad looked down, unsure what to say. "Look, I have to make istikhara first." He finally said.
Sabeeha raised an eyebrow. "Why though? You already know me."
"That's not the point. I need guidance from Allah."
Sabeeha nodded. "Fine. I guess I can live with that. Just don't take too long."
*
As the Essop family got into the car and headed home, Muneera turned to Hammaad. "So? What did you think?" She asked. "It looked like you two were getting along really well." She said gleefully.
Hammaad stared out the window. He honestly felt emotionless. He felt as if he was merely existing. Whether he would agree to marry Sabeeha or not, it wouldn't make a difference to him. All forms of emotion had left him. Nothing mattered anymore. "I need to make istikhara." Hammaad replied in a neutral tone.
Muneera grinned. "Good! I'm so sure that you two will be perfect for each other."
Hammaad tuned out as his mother continued to gush about Sabeeha. When they got home, he headed for his room but Naeem was close on his heels.
"Really?" Naeem asked. "You're going to actually think about it?"
Hammaad sighed. "Look, if I can't marry Husna, I honestly don't care who I marry. Now I'm just doing it to keep my parents happy."
Naeem nodded. "I would say fight for Husna. But I know you already did. And I also know that she would never let you disappoint your parents. That girl loves you too much."
Hammaad winced and looked away.
"Sorry, bro. I shouldn't have said that. May Allah make it easy for you." He placed his hand on his brother's shoulder before walking away.
For the next three nights, Hammaad prayed. But he didn't get any sort of sign. He didn't even get a feeling. So when Muneera asked him about his istikhara, he shrugged nonchalantly and half-heartedly told his mother that his istikhara was fine. He didn't get a feeling or any other sign so he might as well go ahead with this marriage. There was a part of him that knew it would be unfair to Sabeeha, but Sabeeha had made it crystal clear: she only wanted to marry him.
And so the wedding preparations began to take place around Hammaad. But he couldn't care less. He allowed his mother to excitedly make the plans and told her that she had full liberty.
His heart wanted Husna and there was nothing he could do about it. He wanted to tell her but he didn't want to hurt her. He knew that eventually she would hear about it. And maybe it would be best if he told her. But if he had to tell her and if he had to look at the hurt in her eyes, he would call off the wedding. So instead, he sent her an email.
Husna...
I hope you know that I will always love you.
With this email, comes some news. I will be getting married next year In-Sha-Allah. Please always keep me in your duas. I pray that Allah grants you happiness.
I hope you find someone who loves you unconditionally and with all of his heart. You deserve the best.
You will always be in my heart.
Hammaad.
Hammaad read the email again before pressing send. He wanted to tell her that he wished that it was her that he would be marrying. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her. He wanted to tell her so much... Instead, he tried his best to stick to the facts.
So when Husna saw an email from Hammaad, her heart skipped a beat. Nervously, she opened it and when she read what it had to say, she fell to the ground, her heart crying in pain.
•Chapter 16•
Hammaad's news had shocked Husna. She spent her nights crying to Allah, begging Him to ease the pain that consumed her. She felt hopeless, broken. How did life turn out the way it did? Husna felt as if she had lost everything and the pain would consume her every single night.
So when Husna's mother approached her and tried to gently break the news that Hammaad was getting married, Husna was already numb.
Ruqayya sat down next to Husna. "Husna, my child. I need to tell you something." She began. "Hammaad is getting married." She said the words carefully, as if they were fragile.
Husna stared straight ahead, not saying anything.
"Husna?" Ruqayya asked gently. "Did you hear what I said?"
After a few minutes, Husna nodded slowly. "I know." Husna said.
Ruqayya looked taken aback for a second. "Are you okay?" She asked.
Husna sighed. "I haven't been okay since the day Hammaad has been out of my life. I pray for his happiness."
"Sweetheart... I know this may be too soon. But if he's going to get married, maybe it's time you look for someone too. Ayesha said she'll get married once she's done studying and people have been asking to bring proposals for you girls."
Husna nodded and slowly turned to her mother. "Fine. Bring them."
Ruqayya gaped at her daughter. Her acceptance was way too easy. Something was not right. "Are you sure?"
Husna sighed again and took her mother's hand. "Mummy, look, it doesn't really matter anymore. I will never love anyone the way I love Hammaad. I'm just going to go with the flow. Life can take its course."
Ruqayya nodded. "I pray for your happiness every single day. I pray that one day you will be happy again, my child. I wish that I could take your pain away."
Husna mustered a small smile. "If I didn't experience pain, I wouldn't appreciate happiness."
*
The weeks slowly went by and Husna lived her life from day to day. She tried not to think because the moment she allowed her mind to wander to Hammaad, her heart would hurt all the more. Instead, she tried to get used to the dull ache of her heart. The pain didn't subside. It was always there, always reminding Husna of what she lost.
"Husna?" Ruqayya called her to the kitchen.
She made her way to her mother and sat at the kitchen table. "You called?" She asked her mother.
Ruqayya nodded. "So there's this boy..."
Husna stiffened slightly and her mother noticed.
"If you're not ready, that's okay. Please don't feel pressured. I will never force you." Ruqayya said gently.
Husna sighed, "I know. But the thing is, I will never be ready, Mummy. I need to be realistic as well."
"May Allah make it easy for you." Ruqayya replied sympathetically. "So this boy... He works in his father's business. He's about 25 years old. So not much older than you."
Husna nodded. "Okay."
"Can I tell them that they can come?"
Husna nodded just as Ayesha walked in. "Tell who to come?" She asked as she grabbed a peach.
"There's a boy looking to get married and Husna agreed to see him." Ruqayya replied. "I would have asked you but you already told me not to tell you of anyone until next year."
Ayesha turned to her sister. "Are you sure about this?"
Husna looked away. "No. But Hammaad is getting married so what's the point?"
Ayesha placed the peach she was eating on the table and made her way to her sister. She gave her a small hug. "Don't force yourself to do this if you don't want to. You don't have to. And Mum will never force us. You know that."
Husna nodded. "I know. I really don't care anymore. Whatever happens, happens."
Ayesha sighed. She was trying to get through to her sister but Husna seemed to have already made her mind. "We just want to see you happy again."
"I know." Husna mustered up a smile. "Might as well just go through with this."
Before Husna knew it, they were preparing for their guests to come over. She was just going through the motions, hoping it would all be over soon enough. So when the guy arrived with his family, Husna continued to go through the motions. She was so numb that could barely remember what he had said to her. She found herself agreeing to pray istikhara.
Nabeel was a handsome young man, who seemed to have a permanent smirk on his face. Nabeel seemed to be almost too good to be true. He seemed to be a good guy who was financially stable and very respectful. He seemed to be genuinely kind and caring.
Husna tried not to compare him to Hammaad. She tried to forget about Hammaad but it was harder than she thought. With every reply to her question, she found herself comparing his answer to what Hammaad would have said.
But she couldn't seem to find a deal breaking flaw in him. He was not Hammaad and he would never be. But she knew that there was worse out there. Nabeel seemed better than most guys so Husna decided to give him a chance.
Since Husna had no clear dream of Nabeel, she ended up agreeing to marry him. But Ayesha was concerned about her sister.
"Is this really what you want?" Ayesha asked Husna one day.
Husna sighed, tired of explaining herself. "Ayesha, you know what I want. And I can't have what I want. So it doesn't matter anymore."
"But what if you find love again?" Ayesha asked.
Husna laughed bitterly. "I won't. And I know I won't because I'll compare every single person to my former best friend. I don't even realise when I'm doing it anymore because it's become second nature."
Ayesha took a deep breath. "I just want you to be happy. I want to see you smile again."
"I'm okay. And I don't know if I will be able to be happy again. But it's okay. I've accepted that this is my destiny. We can't argue with destiny, now can we?"
"I'm not saying that you should go against fate - because you can’t. But I'm saying that you should give yourself some time so that you can open your heart again."
Husna turned to her sister. "Ayesha, my heart will NEVER be open again. Because the only person who can unlock it, is no longer in my life. Stop worrying about me. I'll be okay. Pray for me. That's the best thing you can do right now."
Ayesha nodded. "Okay. If you insist, I won't bring this topic up again."
"Thank you."
When Ayesha left her room, Husna fell to the floor, her heart hurting again. Every time she spoke about how she felt about Hammaad, she would find herself in tears. It was tough and she often wondered if the rest of her life would be like this.
She went to read Hammaad's email again. She wondered if he was happy. She wondered if the girl he was marrying would treat him well. She wondered if Hammaad loved the girl he was marrying.
She took a deep breath. It was time to tell Hammaad that she too, was getting married.
Husna:
”Hammaad,
I know that I didn't respond to your last email. And I don't expect you to respond to this email.
I pray that Allah will always keep you happy.
I just wanted to let you know that I will also be getting married within the next few months.
I hope you're happy. I will always love you.
-Husna.”
•Chapter 17•
Hammaad read Husna's email over and over again. His heart ached but he prayed for her happiness. He knew that this would happen one day but he had never been prepared for this news. The thought of Husna with another man made him sick. He also knew that he couldn't be unfair. He was getting married so why couldn't she?
He didn't reply. He couldn't. What would he say? It was hard but he couldn't allow himself to slip up. If he replied to her and if a conversation sparked, he would run straight back to her.
But he didn't expect to bump into her at a fast food chain. They had done so well in avoiding each other that they almost never saw each other, even though they were next door neighbour’s.
The teller at the till called out the numbers of two receipts. Husna and Hammaad had arrived at the till at the same time and their hands reached for the same bag. The jolt of electricity that sparked through them as their hands grazed each other shocked both of them.
Husna looked up and found herself staring into the eyes she only dreamed of. Hammaad stood before her, his jaw clenching at the sight of his beloved. They were both flustered, they both tried grabbing the second bag the lady placed in front of them and again, their hands grazed one another. Husna pulled back her hand in shock and looked at the teller in confusion. She gave Husna a smile and asked her to see her receipt before pushing the correct bag to her. Husna grabbed it but before she could make her exit, Hammaad's voice stopped her.
"Can we talk?" He asked.
Husna froze and slowly looked up. "Please, don't do this." She whispered as she pulled her jacket tighter around her.
"Please?" The look in his eyes was enough for Husna to agree.
She nodded and Hammaad motioned to his car. As Husna settled in, the all too familiar surroundings felt somewhat suffocating. For the last year, she had dreamed about this. She had wished that it would happen. But now that it did, it felt all too surreal. Husna opened the window and again, that simple act was almost too much for her. Yet, it felt like second nature.
Hammaad turned to Husna. "Are you
happy?" He asked her softly.
Husna swallowed the lump in her throat. She looked at Hammaad as her heart pounded louder and louder. "Are you?" She squeaked.
He cleared his throat. "You know you will always be my happiness." He whispered.
"And you, mine." Husna whispered back. "She turned to him and before she could stop herself, she said, "I still love you. With all of my heart."
"I still love you too. I will never stop loving you." Hammaad replied. "I wish things could have been different."
Husna nodded. As much as she wanted to be here, she needed to get out. She could feel the tears coming on and she knew that if she cried, she would end up crying in Hammaad's arms. And if that had to happen, she was afraid that she would never let him go. "I need to go." She said as the first wave of tears washed over her. She hurriedly got out of his car and ran towards her own.
Hammaad watched her go and punched the steering wheel in frustration before he allowed the tears to fall from his eyes. For so long he had been holding in his emotions and suddenly, he felt as if the wall that had been keeping his emotions at bay had suddenly given out. His tears came in torrents as his body shook. He should have never let this happen. Why did he have to ask Husna if she was happy. He could see that she wasn't and it pained his heart. And although it pained him, there was a part of him that was glad that she still felt so strongly about him. He knew it was selfish but it gave him some sort of solace.
Husna too, felt the same way. They were both yearning for each other but circumstance and fate stood in their way and led them in different directions.
Oh, how sad is it that when two humans crave for one another, circumstances tear them apart? Such is life... The sad reality which breaks hearts and crushes souls. Unbeknown to us, sometimes it is for the better even though it hurts so much that we believe that we are being internally destroyed.
The more Husna thought about it, the more frustrated she became. She was trying so hard to keep away from Hammaad, she was trying to accept her crushed heart and live with the pain. But each time she thought she was accepting her fate, life threw her a curveball and pushed her towards crossing paths with Hammaad again. And it hurt more and more each time. She had to channel all her energy into not pulling Hammaad into an embrace because every fibre of her being begged to be enclosed within his arms.
His pained eyes flashed in her mind and she knew that his eyes could never lie to her. She knew that he yearned for her the way she yearned for him. But what could they do? They had prayed with all of their hearts. They knew that the only thing that could change their dreadful circumstances was prayer. So they continued to pray. But at some point, they both knew that they also had to be realistic. They had hope... they would always have hope - right until death claimed their souls and called them back home.
After all, what is faith? Faith is the combination of hope and fear. Hope for Allah to have mercy on our souls and fear that we do not deserve the mercy of Allah due to our sins.
Husna wondered if she would ever be able to give up what she wanted most. She wondered if she would accept the realism of the situation and if her crushed heart would ever allow her to accept that she would never have Hammaad. Maybe one day she would find love again, maybe one day he would find love again... But it would never ever be the kind of love that they shared. For their love was special, it was a love that grew and rooted itself within every crevice in their being. It was the type of love that allowed their hearts to soar in the very air that was painted with perfect moments. It was the type of love that enveloped their souls in soft clouds of perfection, making them feel like they were always in a warm embrace. It was the type of love which bettered a human being. It was the type of love that seeked goodness and goodness only. It was unparalleled to anything they had ever experienced before. After all, they were each other’s first loves, ever since they were little kids. They were each other’s happiness, each other’s laughs... They were everything to each other.
It wasn't fair. Why was their happiness being snatched away? Did happiness always come with a price? Did love come with heartbreak? Husna knew that humans were meant to hurt in this world. But were they really meant to hurt so much, causing her crushed heart to bleed in oceans of pain? All her life, Hammaad had held her heart. He still did and as far as she knew, he would always have her heart. Even if it was crushed into nothingness, he would be the only owner of her heart.
That night, Husna cried more than she had ever cried before. The devastating pain that consumed her felt unbearable. Husna raised her hands to Allah as tears poured down her face.
"Oh Allah. I am broken beyond repair. I am in physical pain. I feel like I can't breathe. Help me. Please help me. I can't go on. Every single strangled breath of mine is a struggle. I'm supposed to be a bride soon...But instead of joy, that thought fills me with dread. I'm begging you to help me. Paradise is promised for those who obey you. Please make me from amongst those who obey you so that paradise is promised to me. My only solace in this world is that when I enter Jannah, I will forget all of this pain. Heaven will be my only saviour."
She concluded her prayer and crawled into bed as she clutched her bleeding heart. It hurt, it hurt so much that it felt like it was destroying her again and again. Never before did she think that hurting this much would be possible. Ever since she lost Hammaad, she had lost her happiness. And the pain that came with such a huge loss felt catastrophic.
Hammaad too felt the devastating effects of losing his beloved again. It almost made him break up his engagement. But if he were to do that, he might as well run away with Husna. And as much as his heart begged him to forget everything and run to the keeper of his heart, another part told him that Husna would never agree. And even if she did, would he be okay with hurting his parents? After all, jannah lies under the feet of ones mother. It was a tough situation...but Hammaad knew that no matter how much he was hurting, he couldn't follow his heart.
*
Husna swallowed the lump in her throat. She looked at Hammaad as her heart pounded louder and louder. "Are you?" She squeaked.
He cleared his throat. "You know you will always be my happiness." He whispered.
"And you, mine." Husna whispered back. "She turned to him and before she could stop herself, she said, "I still love you. With all of my heart."
"I still love you too. I will never stop loving you." Hammaad replied. "I wish things could have been different."
Husna nodded. As much as she wanted to be here, she needed to get out. She could feel the tears coming on and she knew that if she cried, she would end up crying in Hammaad's arms. And if that had to happen, she was afraid that she would never let him go. "I need to go." She said as the first wave of tears washed over her. She hurriedly got out of his car and ran towards her own.
Hammaad watched her go and punched the steering wheel in frustration before he allowed the tears to fall from his eyes. For so long he had been holding in his emotions and suddenly, he felt as if the wall that had been keeping his emotions at bay had suddenly given out. His tears came in torrents as his body shook. He should have never let this happen. Why did he have to ask Husna if she was happy. He could see that she wasn't and it pained his heart. And although it pained him, there was a part of him that was glad that she still felt so strongly about him. He knew it was selfish but it gave him some sort of solace.
Husna too, felt the same way. They were both yearning for each other but circumstance and fate stood in their way and led them in different directions.
Oh, how sad is it that when two humans crave for one another, circumstances tear them apart? Such is life... The sad reality which breaks hearts and crushes souls. Unbeknown to us, sometimes it is for the better even though it hurts so much that we believe that we are being internally destroyed.
The more Husna thought about it, the more frustrated she became. She was trying so hard to keep away from Hammaad, she was trying to accept her crushed heart and live with the pain. But each time she thought she was accepting her fate, life threw her a curveball and pushed her towards crossing paths with Hammaad again. And it hurt more and more each time. She had to channel all her energy into not pulling Hammaad into an embrace because every fibre of her being begged to be enclosed within his arms.
His pained eyes flashed in her mind and she knew that his eyes could never lie to her. She knew that he yearned for her the way she yearned for him. But what could they do? They had prayed with all of their hearts. They knew that the only thing that could change their dreadful circumstances was prayer. So they continued to pray. But at some point, they both knew that they also had to be realistic. They had hope... they would always have hope - right until death claimed their souls and called them back home.
After all, what is faith? Faith is the combination of hope and fear. Hope for Allah to have mercy on our souls and fear that we do not deserve the mercy of Allah due to our sins.
Husna wondered if she would ever be able to give up what she wanted most. She wondered if she would accept the realism of the situation and if her crushed heart would ever allow her to accept that she would never have Hammaad. Maybe one day she would find love again, maybe one day he would find love again... But it would never ever be the kind of love that they shared. For their love was special, it was a love that grew and rooted itself within every crevice in their being. It was the type of love that allowed their hearts to soar in the very air that was painted with perfect moments. It was the type of love that enveloped their souls in soft clouds of perfection, making them feel like they were always in a warm embrace. It was the type of love which bettered a human being. It was the type of love that seeked goodness and goodness only. It was unparalleled to anything they had ever experienced before. After all, they were each other’s first loves, ever since they were little kids. They were each other’s happiness, each other’s laughs... They were everything to each other.
It wasn't fair. Why was their happiness being snatched away? Did happiness always come with a price? Did love come with heartbreak? Husna knew that humans were meant to hurt in this world. But were they really meant to hurt so much, causing her crushed heart to bleed in oceans of pain? All her life, Hammaad had held her heart. He still did and as far as she knew, he would always have her heart. Even if it was crushed into nothingness, he would be the only owner of her heart.
That night, Husna cried more than she had ever cried before. The devastating pain that consumed her felt unbearable. Husna raised her hands to Allah as tears poured down her face.
"Oh Allah. I am broken beyond repair. I am in physical pain. I feel like I can't breathe. Help me. Please help me. I can't go on. Every single strangled breath of mine is a struggle. I'm supposed to be a bride soon...But instead of joy, that thought fills me with dread. I'm begging you to help me. Paradise is promised for those who obey you. Please make me from amongst those who obey you so that paradise is promised to me. My only solace in this world is that when I enter Jannah, I will forget all of this pain. Heaven will be my only saviour."
She concluded her prayer and crawled into bed as she clutched her bleeding heart. It hurt, it hurt so much that it felt like it was destroying her again and again. Never before did she think that hurting this much would be possible. Ever since she lost Hammaad, she had lost her happiness. And the pain that came with such a huge loss felt catastrophic.
Hammaad too felt the devastating effects of losing his beloved again. It almost made him break up his engagement. But if he were to do that, he might as well run away with Husna. And as much as his heart begged him to forget everything and run to the keeper of his heart, another part told him that Husna would never agree. And even if she did, would he be okay with hurting his parents? After all, jannah lies under the feet of ones mother. It was a tough situation...but Hammaad knew that no matter how much he was hurting, he couldn't follow his heart.
*
The days began to blend into one another for Husna. She felt like she was merely existing, allowing herself to be steered in all the wedding preparation directions. She couldn't even feign the slightest bit of excitement. Over and over again, her mother and her sister would ask her if she wanted to stop the marriage from happening. And although every single part of Husna screamed in agreement, the words that left her mouth were the opposite. She would muster up a fake smile and say she was fine. Her mother, nor her sister believed her. They knew that she was still broken. But her mother was worried, what if she never healed from this? What if she decided to back out of the marriage and decided never to get married to anyone? What would happen to Husna if her parents passed away?
"Husna?" Ayesha called.
"Hmmm?"
"Are you sure you want to go through with this?"
Husna sighed. "The only thing I'm sure about is something I cannot have. We had this conversation a million times before, Ayesha. Please can we drop it?"
"I'm worried about you. Your eyes look almost vacant. It scares me."
"I'm fine. My istikhara wasn't negative so I'm going through with this. I'll be fine."
"I can hear from the tone in your voice and the look in your eyes that you don't believe your own words."
"Please drop it." Husna asked, barely having any energy to argue. "It's fine."
"It doesn't even feel like there's a wedding in this house. It feels like there‘s a funeral."
"I will paint a smile on my face if I have to. I'm fine."
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself that you're fine?"
Husna looked away. She stopped trying to convince herself that she was fine because she knew she wasn't. Maybe she was only getting married because Hammaad was getting married. It was ridiculous, she knew that... What else was she supposed to do? Wait for a love that would never come her way again?
•Chapter 18•
The days looming towards the two weddings got closer and closer. Unknown to the other, the nikahs were scheduled for the same day. It was Naeem who learned of this information. He approached his brother carefully, wondering if he should even tell him.
"Ummm... Hammaad?"
Hammaad looked up from his email before turning back to it. He had been reading the email regarding his graduation which was taking place in the next few months. "Hm?" He asked absentmindedly, still wondering if he could celebrate his graduation when his heart ached.
"You know Husna is also getting married, right?"
Hammaad froze at the sound of her name. Slowly, he looked at his brother again. "I know." He said, trying hard not to sound as forlorn as he felt.
"It's on the same day as yours. But it's at a different masjid. Her nikah will take place at the masjid that's two streets away."
Hammaad choked on his own saliva and burst into a fit of rough coughs. "How do you know that?" He finally managed to muster.
"Her father was speaking to someone at the masjid and I overheard the conversation because I was standing right there."
Hammaad nodded slowly, unsure of what to say. After a few minutes, he said, "Okay... I guess this is really the end."
Naeem looked at his brother, his shoulders were hunched and his arms were clenched in tight fists. The veins in his arms stood out prominently. He noticed that his brother had been working out recently and he was sure that it was to blow off some steam. He could hear the pain in each punch that was flung towards the punching bag they had hanging in the garage. "Are you sure you're okay to go through with this?" Naeem asked sensitively.
Hammaad shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. "I guess." But the truth was that he was far from okay. He would never be okay again. He would never feel like the Hammaad he used to be.
*
The day had finally arrived. In the Essop residence, Hammaad was donning his thobe as his family bustled around him hurriedly, trying hard to ensure that everything was prepared for the wedding. Hammaad felt sick but he went through the motions. He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. He couldn't believe that he would be going through with this. His soul felt like it was getting hammered, over and over again. He took a moment to calm down, but the pain became more intense. Would this pain ever subside?
As his thoughts drifted to Husna, he could feel the pain in his heart intensify so much, it almost crippled him. How could he marry someone when his heart belonged to another woman? How could he live his life with the woman he didn’t want by his side? He knew that he would never ever be able to love another woman the way he loved Husna. After all, Husna was the only one who could make him feel as if his heart was floating through heavenly clouds.
He took a deep breath as a single tear slipped out of his eye and onto his hand. He stared at the tear as it began to slip down his hand. The emotion in that tear was colossal. That single tear looked so lonely, so unhappy and so full of pain, it filled him with regret. His breath started to come out faster, almost throwing him over the edge and into oblivion.
Hammaad tried to normalise his staggered breathing. He wanted to go to his window and catch a glimpse of Husna. He wanted to run to her, to fall into her arms and to admit the undying love he had for her. But he couldn’t. Because while he was preparing for his nikah, she too was preparing for her nikah. It was over. It was truly and completely over.
Right next door, at the Mohamed residence, Ayesha and Ruqayya bustled around Husna, getting her ready for her big day. Husna was a beautiful vision in her simple white gown. She looked at herself in the mirror and she couldn't ignore the look in her own eyes. It was shadowed by a pain so deep, so cutting and so intense, she was sure that she would fall over and collapse into a heap of dust. Her father was yet to take her permission and she was fine with that. It gave her some time to finally accept her dreaded fate.
She tried not to think. She didn’t WANT to think because she knew that if she did, her thoughts would fly to Hammaad and the pain would be even more crushing than before.
Was she really going to go through with this? Was it even fair to Nabeel? He seemed like a good guy. In fact, he seemed almost too good to be true. Maybe she would learn to love him. She would try to love him and she would try to forget about her one true love.
But deep down, she knew that no matter where life took her, she would never love Nabeel the way she loved Hammaad. After all, Hammaad was the love of her life, her soulmate, the only person her heart yearned and craved for.
*
Hammaad glanced at the time. He was to head to the masjid in the next few minutes. He had just greeted his mother and then sat with his brothers and tried not to think.
Muneera had been in the kitchen, chatting to her favourite aunty, Rabia. Rabia Khala was her late mother's sister and she was close to her eighty's.
"Where's that girl from next door?" Rabia Khala asked Muneera.
"She's also getting married today." Muneera said dismissively.
"I always thought that our Hammaad would marry her. Those two always seemed to love each other." Rabia Khala said.
"They did. But Rabia Khala, how can a girl who has adman blood and karya blood ever be married into this family? She would never belong."
Rabia Khala laughed. "Oh, my child. Is that the only reason those two aren't marrying each other?"
Muneera turned around. "That's reason enough."
Rabia Khala took a seat and glanced at her niece. "How can you say that?"
"Say what?"
"How can you not like her because of her blood? Does Hammaad also have a problem with that?"
"No."
“So what’s the problem?”
“I don’t want a grandchild to have karya blood! They’ll come out looking like blackies!”
Rabia Khala gasped in shock before taking a deep breath. "My child, listen to me. The same blood you seem to despise so much is the same blood that’s running through your own veins. Did you know that my great-great-grandfather, your great great great grandfather was also a black? You already have that blood in you. No matter how much to try to run away from who you are, it will always follow you. You can’t reject your blood."
Muneera froze before shaking her head in denial. She had gone pale. "No. Joot! That's a lie! There was no karya in my family."
Rabia Khala shook her head. "Yes, there was. He was from Ethiopia."
Muneera shook her head more fervently. "I am Indian. I am only Indian. There is no other blood in me."
Rabia Khala sighed sadly at the denial Muneera displayed. "Ask any of your cousins. Ever since I knew, I always taught my children that they have black blood in them. There's nothing to be ashamed of. We are proud of who we are."
“My parents never told me about this! It’s a lie!”
“Your mother didn’t know. We only found out a few years ago.”
Muneera was gobsmacked. Silently, she dialled Waseema who was Rabia Khala’s daughter who stayed in Zambia. All of Rabia Khala's children had moved out of the country. "Waseema, your mother is telling me that our great great great grandfather was karya. Is that true?" She asked, without even bothering to greet.
"Yes, it is." Waseema announced into the phone. "My grandson had to do a school project a few years ago about his family and we managed to name all our family members from six generations back. I can send it to you."
Muneera dropped the phone as realisation washed over her. She had been racist all her life, only to realise that the very blood she despised was the very blood that ran through her veins. She looked down at her milk-white skin and then looked at her aunty. There was not even the slightest trace of blackness in them. "How?" Muneera asked. "We don't look anything like them. There's no blackness in us."
"There is. Just because we can't see it, it doesn't mean it's not there. Remember, at the end of the day, we all come from Adam (AS). There's bound to be a connection with all of mankind. It is said that if we really delved into our own histories of our ancestor's we would be shocked with who we really are. Be proud of who you are, my girl. Skin colour is not important. In the eyes of Allah, we are all the same. Open us up and you'll see that we are all the same. Our hearts and our actions and our faith are what is important. That is the only thing that differentiates us. The first woman who was blessed enough to hold our beloved prophet was a black woman. She was also classified as a woman of jannah by our Nabi. Bilal (RA) was a black too. How beloved was he by our Nabi? He was granted with the honour of becoming the first muazzin in Islam. So how can we ever ever hate someone based on the colour of their skin?"
Muneera fell to the ground. The weight of what she had learnt was too much to carry. How had she not realised any of this before? But suddenly, it was as if her heart opened and mercy showered down upon her. After all, it is only Allah that can open even the hardest of hearts. Muneera began to cry like a baby. She was ashamed of herself. She raised her hands and begged Allah to forgive her. Her heart had been closed all these years, it had been dark and dreary. But right now, it felt as if the sun was shining on it. It felt as if the shadowy clouds gave way. And even though her heart was opening, there was still something that shadowed her. It was her despicable actions and despicable beliefs that left a taint in her heart.
Suddenly she got up and wiped her tears. She could pity herself later. Right now, she had something important to do. She searched the house frantically. "Hammaad!" She called. "Where's Hammaad?" She asked the family members that were relaxing in the lounge.
"They already left for the masjid."
"When?" Muneera asked desperately.
"About ten minutes ago."
Muneera grabbed her phone and dialled Hammaad's number.
"Pick up, pick up, pick up." She said impatiently. But Hammaad wasn't picking up. "Hammaad, please! I need you to pick up!" She said desperately to her phone.
The urgency of her actions made her drop her phone several times. She felt as if her hands had grown and suddenly, they felt too clumsy as they tried to get hold of one of her sons.
She tried over and over again, but to no avail. Then she tried Naeem's number. It rang and rang, but even he didn't pick up. Next, she tried Yusha's number and then Ismail's number. She began to grow desperate.
No one was answering their phones. She prayed that she wasn't too late. She glanced at the time. It was salaah time. The nikah would take place at any moment.
Muneera glanced around. She would never make it on time. But she needed to get hold of Hammaad. She needed to apologise before the nikah.
•Chapter 19•
Hammaad got out of the car and took a deep breath. They made their way to the entrance of the masjid and waited. They were going to perform their salaah first.
After they concluded their salaah, Hammaad looked around. Everyone was getting ready for the nikah. He grabbed Naeem's arm. "I need a second."
Naeem nodded and got up. He motioned to Yusha and his father to follow him outside. He then went to the imam and asked him if they could have a few minutes before he performed the nikah.
They headed outside and Hammaad noticed Sabeeha's brother speaking on the phone. He was clearly angry and his voice was hushed. As he saw Hammaad, he quickly walked further away.
Hammaad took a deep breath. He grabbed his phone to glance at the time and he saw that his mother had tried calling him several times. He wondered if everything was okay. About to slide his phone back into his pocket, Hammaad shook his head. Maybe it was an emergency. He decided to call his mother back but the call didn't go through.
He turned to his brothers and father. "Did Mum try to call?"
Naeem pulled out his phone and noticed that it was ringing. "She's calling now. My phone was on silent this whole time."
Yusha and Ismail looked at their phones too. "I hope nothing is wrong." Ismail muttered as he noticed the missed calls on his phone too.
Naeem picked up. "Mummy?" He asked worriedly.
"Where's Hammaad?" His mother's urgent voice said through the phone.
"Are you okay?" Naeem asked, worry etched on his face.
"Where's Hammaad? I need to speak to him NOW!"
Silently, Naeem handed the phone to Hammaad. Hammaad looked at him questioningly and he shrugged.
"Mum?" He asked into the phone.
"Hammaad! I'm so sorry! I'm so so so sorry!" His mother said into the phone.
Hammaad was confused. "About what?" He asked. Just then, someone motioned for them to come back inside. "I think we have to go now. They want to perform the nikah." Hammaad said, about to hang up.
"No!" Muneera exclaimed. "Don't! Just listen to me. If you don't want to marry her, you don't have to. I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." She said, her voice breaking.
"What do you mean?"
"Sh- Want- Hus- Mar- K." Muneera said through her tears.
"I can't hear you." Hammaad said into the phone.
Muneera took a deep breath and tried again. "I was wrong. You don't have to marry Sabeeha if you don't want to. It took me years to realise this but now I do. Son, if you still want to marry Husna, you may. I know she's also getting married-"
Hammaad almost dropped the phone. "We need to go. NOW!" He practically yelled to his brothers and father.
"But the nikah?" Yusha asked in confusion.
Sabeeha's brother was walking towards them. Hammaad looked around crazily. Naeem had taken the phone from him and he was speaking to his mother now.
"Let's GO!" Hammaad said in desperation.
Sabeeha's brother looked at him. "Where are you going? Did you find out?" He looked upset.
"Find out what?" Ismail asked.
He took a deep breath. "I love my sister but sometimes she does silly things."
"We have to go." Hammaad said as he started walking towards the car.
"Sabs is pregnant! She said it’s your child."
Hammaad whirled around. "That can't be. We haven't even been alone together."
"I know." Sabeeha's brother, Ahmed, said. "I know that it's not your child and you deserve to know before you make nikah."
Hammaad stared at Ahmed for a moment. Then he looked at his family members. "Let's GO!" He yelled. He turned to Ahmed. "I can't do this. Tell them the nikah is cancelled."
"Where are we going?" Ismail asked in confusion.
Naeem spoke up. "To Husna. Mum told Hammaad that she was wrong. We don't have time though. She might already be married." He glanced at his watch. "It's going to take us at least ten minutes to get there. Pray that we're on time."
*
Husna's heart pounded in her chest. She glanced at the time. Her nikah was probably happening right now. She took a deep breath, trying to ready her painful heart for the next step of her life. The commotion outside broke her out of her reverie.
She looked out the window and noticed Aunty Muneera speaking to her mother. But something wasn't right. She could tell, judging from Aunty Muneera's face. Husna's heart jolted. Did something happen to Hammaad?
"Why is Aunty Muneera here?" Husna asked Ayesha.
Ayesha looked at her in confusion. "Huh?"
"I need to know if Hammaad is okay." Husna muttered. With that, she ran outside, Ayesha at her heels.
"I'm so so sorry." Muneera was saying to Ruqayya. "I was wrong. I hope it's not too late."
"What's going on?" Ayesha asked.
"I was wrong." Muneera said tearfully. "I'll explain later. But if you want to marry Hammaad, you have my blessing. I hope I'm not too late." Muneera told Husna.
Husna stared at Muneera, unsure if she heard correctly. Suddenly, as the words slowly registered in Husna's mind, Husna began falling. Ayesha caught her before she could hit the ground.
"Husna? Husna! Husna! Are you okay?"
Husna blinked. "It's too late." She whispered.
Ayesha stared at her sister. "Too late?" She repeated. And then it dawned on her. Husna's nikah was taking place now. Ayesha shook her head. "No! Mummy, call Dad NOW! Husna, do you want to go through with this nikah to Nabeel?"
"It's too late." Husna repeated sadly.
"Answer the question!" Ayesha yelled.
Husna blinked and shook her head. "No. Not if I can be with Hammaad." It all felt like a dream though. Husna began to wonder if she was even awake. Maybe she had fallen asleep and maybe this was all a dream.
*
Hammaad was in no state to drive. As Naeem peeled through the parking lot and onto the road, Hammaad tried to call Husna but she wasn't picking up. "She's not picking up!" He exclaimed in desperation.
"Keep trying!" Yusha urged as Naeem sped towards the masjid.
The seconds felt like years. Hammaad needed to get hold of Husna. He wanted to marry her. He felt as if he was drowning. He prayed with all of his heart that the nikah didn't take place yet. He was breathless with worry.
"Hurry!" He urged Naeem.
"I'm going as fast as I can!" Naeem exclaimed.
Hammaad glanced around. They were a minute away from the masjid that was hosting Husna's nikah. A red traffic light stopped them.
Hammaad was in a state. He jumped out of the car and started to run, oblivious to the shouts of his brothers and father.
Naeem pulled up next to him. "Don't be stupid! Get in!"
Hammaad got back in the car and before he could even close the door, Naeem was speeding towards the masjid.
After what felt like years, they finally arrived at the masjid.
They clamoured out of the vehicle and made a beeline for the masjid entrance.
"STOP!" Hammaad yelled breathlessly as he burst through the masjid doors. He took a deep breath as the small crowd turned to stare at him. "Please tell me I'm not too late." He said, trying hard to catch his breath.
•Chapter 20•
The imam looked at him in confusion. "Is there a problem?"
Hammaad was unable to answer. He was breathing too hard. He lifted his hand, as if motioning to give him a second.
The imam shook his head and turned to Husna's father. "As we were saying, do you give your daughter, Husna Mohamed, to Nabeel-"
"NO!" Hammaad exclaimed. "Please! No!"
Imraan turned to Hammaad. "What's going on?" He asked.
"Don't let Husna marry him. Please."
Imraan looked confused. "But you also getting married. I don't see why you want me to stop this?"
"I'm not getting married! I want to marry Husna! I want to marry her...if she'll still have me."
Imraan looked at the imam. "Just give me a minute." He then turned to Hammaad. "What's going on?"
Hammaad grimaced. "Please ask Husna if she still wants to marry me."
Imraan sighed in annoyance. "Fine." But as he took out his phone, it was already ringing.
"Ruqayya?" He answered. "What-" He stayed silent for a long time. "Is she sure?" He asked into the phone. "Let me speak to her... Husna? Okay... Okay... Are you sure? We will need witnesses though... Okay."
Imraan hung up the phone and sighed. He went to the imam and whispered something in his ear. Then he turned to Nabeel. "I'm sorry. Husna doesn't want to get married anymore. She wants to marry Hammaad."
Nabeel laughed sarcastically. "Well, that's not my problem. It's too late. She will marry me."
Imraan looked at the boy in annoyance. "No, she won't marry you."
"She will. She already gave you permission and here's her witnesses." Nabeel said rudely as he motioned to Husna's uncles.
"I haven't voiced the permission. And Husna has retracted the permission."
"The witnesses don't know that." Nabeel said as he sneered at Imraan.
Imraan's phone rang. He picked up and listened for a moment, before hanging up. He looked at his two brothers. "Come with me." He said. "Husna is outside."
They made their way outside but Nabeel was close on their heels.
Hammaad, his brothers and his father followed them. When Hammaad saw Husna, his heart soared. She was currently covered from head to toe in black, with only her face and hands showing. Her plain abaya and scarf didn't dampen her beauty for even a second. Time felt like it had frozen and all the shattered pieces of their hearts began to mingle and mend.
He snapped out of his reverie when he saw Nabeel walk towards Husna in anger. "You WILL marry me." He ordered.
Husna looked at Nabeel. "I'm sorry, Nabeel. I can't."
Nabeel raised his hand and just as his hand was about to connect to Husna's face, Hammaad grabbed it.
Imraan turned to Nabeel in anger. "You are not even married to my daughter, yet and you have already raised your hand to her. How dare you? I will never give my daughter to an abuser like you."
Nabeel became infuriated. He lunged for Imraan but Naeem and Yusha grabbed him. He began to scream and swear.
Naeem looked at Nabeel. "This is a masjid, Have some respect. Stop swearing." Nabeel ignored Naeem. As he thrashed around, his family came outside. Naeem handed him to his father. "Please take your son home. He has no respect for masjid property."
Nabeel's father was infuriated. "He has every right to be angry! This whore promised to marry him and now look!"
Hammaad started to fume but Ismail held him back. "Stay calm. We'll handle this. Yusha, call the security."
Nabeel was still swearing. "Do you see what happened? I will beat this woman if I have to! I will make her marry me."
Naeem looked at Nabeel and said in a low voice, "You will not lay a finger on her. If you even dare, we will hurt you." Compared to Nabeel, the three brother's were big built. Nabeel was scrawny and petite.
Naeem's threat seemed to work. Nabeel backed down. He then turned to his father and started yelling at him. "See what happened! You want me to marry her and see!" I should have married Alicia! But it's your fault! You threatened to take away everything and now look! Our izzat is gone! Alicia was going to revert for me!"
Just then, the security came and escorted Nabeel and his family away. Imraan turned to his daughter. "Do you want to marry Hammaad?"
Husna broke into a huge grin. And just like that, the dust that had been crushed by her pain suddenly came alive and came together, making her heart whole again. "Yes." Husna whispered.
"What's the dowry?" Imraan asked.
Husna smiled. "He can recite Surah Rahmaan as my dowry. He knows that's my favourite surah."
Hammaad smiled. "And I'll give you a Kruger coin."
Husna turned to her father. "I accept that dowry."
Husna's uncles looked at her and smiled. "This time you actually mean it. When we asked you earlier, we could see that you didn't mean it. You didn't want to marry that other boy."
Husna grinned wider. She was so full of joy that she could barely speak.
Imraan looked at his daughter. He then turned to Ruqayya and Ayesha who had been standing behind Husna. "You can go home. We'll come to you soon."
Imraan then went back inside and spoke to the imam in a low voice. After a few minutes, the imam sighed. "Fine. I'll perform their nikah."
Hammaad felt as if his heart was about to burst with joy.
The imam took Imraan's permission and Hammaad handed over the Kruger coin. He then began to recite surah Rahmaan. As his strong voice filled the silent masjid, the small crowd began to tear up. Hammaad recited from his heart. The recitation was so melodious and fluid, it was the definition of beauty.
*
Husna listened to Hammaad's recitation over the phone. Naeem had called her to listen to it and Husna's heart melted. It was beautiful. Her eyes began to tear as the words flowed through the speaker. Her heart soared. It was amazing on how whole her heart could feel again. Hours ago, that same heart was crushed. But now...now her heart was full of love and whole again.
Husna's nikah was complete. The joy that filled her heart could barely be contained. She was giddy with excitement. She and Hammaad were now husband and wife.
She turned to Ayesha. "Hammaad is my husband." She said, a grin beautifying her features.
Ayesha matched her grin. "Alhumdullillah. A thousand times, Alhumdullillah! This is the moment that I prayed I would see."
Husna gasped. "Wait. I need to perform shukar salaah."
Ayesha smiled. "Okay, I'll give you a few minutes. And then you need to get back into your dress!"
Husna smiled. As she began to perform her salaah, her heart felt light, yet full. And when her head touched the ground, she thanked her Lord fervently. She was so grateful, she could barely put it into words.
She concluded her prayer and raised her hands, thanking Allah again and again, until she had no words left. Then she got up and slipped into her dress. She looked at her reflection and at the last minute, she decided to don a hijab. How could she disobey her Lord when He had just healed her heart?
She could hear Hammaad walk in, she could hear the congratulations that erupted and she grinned. She made her way towards the noise and when she did, the small crowd went silent.
Hammaad stared at his wife in awe. Her smile lighted up the entire room and his whole heart. She looked more beautiful than ever. She was everything he had ever wanted. She was his perfection.
Husna stared back at Hammaad, unable to contain the joy that she felt. He looked so handsome in a white thobe and black robe. His face burst into a smile as their eyes connected and their hearts danced in happiness. The joy that was prevalent in the room was hard to ignore.
And when the two lovers met and their hands touched, it felt as if the world shook again. But this time, the fireworks exploded between the two as the world seemed to sigh in relief and as their hearts embraced. The two hearts that had craved for each other so desperately, finally found each other again. Husna and Hammaad both wiped tears of joy from their faces. The emotion in the room was so strong, so intense, it caused tears to fall from everyone's eyes.
•Chapter 21•
Husna pulled Hammaad towards her room. "You're now allowed to pass the threshold." She said teasingly.
Hammaad grinned. "I've been waiting all my life for this."
"Let's pray and spend a few moments alone before we get back to everyone. We weren't going to have a reception because I didn't want one. We're having a dinner outside."
Hammaad led the prayer and Husna followed. And when he concluded, he raised his hands and thanked his Lord for blessing him with Husna.
He turned to Husna as she folded her prayer mat and stood up. He stood up too and took her hands in his own. "Every prayer I have ever made felt as if it came true today. I didn't think that I would ever experience joy like this again. I thought that happiness was never meant for me since I had already experienced true happiness when you were always by my side. I missed you, Husna."
Husna smiled. "I missed you too. I love you so much. My heart could barely take the pain of losing you."
"We don't need to think about that now." Hammaad whispered soothingly. "Let's just relish in this joy."
"What made your mother change her mind?"
"I have no idea. I guess we'll eventually find out. But for now. I just want to forget about everything and enjoy this day." He pulled Husna in for a hug and she held on to him as if she would never let go.
"I really missed you, best friend." Husna whispered.
"I missed you too, wife."
Husna looked up at him and giggled. "My best friend is now my husband." She mused. "Remember when we were little and you used to tell me that you were going to marry me and I'd get so upset?"
Hammaad laughed. "That was the best decision I ever made." He winked slyly. "Who knew that eight-year-old me would know what I was speaking about?"
Before Husna could respond, there was a small knock at the door. "The guests are waiting." Ayesha called out.
Husna glanced at her husband. "I guess we have to go socialise."
*
As Hammaad and Husna settled down to eat, Husna asked, "So who was the girl you were supposed to marry?"
"You won't believe me."
"Try me."
"Sabeeha."
Husna gaped. "As in Sabs? The one that had a huge crush on you and insisted that you guys were together? The same one that said you proposed to her?"
Hammaad nodded.
"HOW?"
"I'm still trying to figure that out." Hammaad answered. "Everything was such a blur. I was hurting so much."
"I'm sure she must have been livid when you called off the nikah."
"I don't know actually. I might get a phone call later. But her brother told me she was pregnant."
Husna froze and the colour drained from her face. "What?" She whispered.
Hammaad looked at her. "Hey, relax. I was never alone with her. We didn't even hug after we got engaged."
Husna gave a huge sigh of relief. "You almost gave me a heart attack."
Hammaad grinned. "I'm sorry, babe. I promise that as long as I live, I will try to always keep you happy."
Just then, Muneera nervously made her way towards the newlyweds. "Husna, my darling." She whispered with tears in her eyes. "Please forgive me for all the nasty things I said and thought. I'm disgusted with myself. I am so so so sorry for hurting you. I always loved you. With the whisperings of Shaytaan, my hate grew bigger than me. Racism coursed through my veins. I am so sorry."
Husna got up and wholeheartedly pulled Muneera into an embrace. "It's okay."
"No, it's not. I was wrong. How can you forgive me?"
Husna looked at Muneera. "Today, you are the reason that Hammaad is my husband and my heart is filled with joy. I can never be upset with you."
"I hope our relationship can be the way it used to be."
Hunsa shook her head. "No, it will be better, InShaAllah."
"What made you change your mind, Mum?" Hammaad asked.
"I spent my life believing I am better because of my skin colour. It turns out that one of our ancestors was a black man. His blood runs in my blood. It's the same blood. I am not superior to anyone. I'm learning... May Allah forgive me."
Before Hammaad answered, Naeem interrupted. "What's happening here?" He turned to Husna. "Now I can really call you my sister. I was rooting for you. My brother was a real pain to be around when you weren't in his life." He said teasingly.
Husna grinned. "Well, I don't think I was very fun to be around either."
"I can attest to that." Ayesha said, joining the conversation.
Husna rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. You don't have to give my secrets away."
"Hammaad needs to know what will happen if he ever breaks your heart."
"I will never break her heart" Hammaad said affectionately. "She's my life."
As the newlyweds gazed into each other's eyes, the world around them disappeared. Their dreams had come true, they couldn't ask for anything else. Their hearts were full and happy.
"Hello?" Naeem asked snapping his fingers between them. "We're all still here."
They giggled in embarrassment. "Sorry!" Husna exclaimed. "We still trying to get used to the idea that we're married now. After a year of heartbreak, I think we deserve the break."
"You most definitely do." Yusha piped up. "Thank you for making my brother so happy." Yusha told Husna.
Husna smiled. She looked at the people she was surrounded by. These were her people. These were the same people that she had spent her life with. The Essop's felt like family. They had always been family.
As the crowd around their table disappeared, Husna turned to Hammaad. "Where are we going to stay? Everything happened so fast... We didn't even discuss all the serious issues."
Hammaad laughed. "Don't worry. We'll speak about everything. We have a lifetime together. But I have a house for us. It's just down the road actually."
"Really?" Husna beamed. "We'll still be close to both our families!" Her face clouded over. "Do you have a job?"
Hammaad laughed again. "Can you relax? Yes, I have a job. I'll show you where. We're going to be okay."
"I don't doubt that. With you by my side, we'll be better than okay."
*
As Husna and Hammaad settled into their apartment that evening, Hammaad took Husna's smooth hands into his. "Husna Mohamed, today you have made me the happiest man alive."
Husna smiled. "And you...Hammaad Essop. You have made me the happiest girl alive. I keep thinking that this is all a dream."
"I can assure you that it's not." He bent down to kiss her and in that moment, Husna knew that this was her perfect reality. "I have a surprise for you." Hammaad said softly.
Husna gazed into Hammaad's eyes, feeling breathless. "What is it?" She asked softly.
Hammaad pulled out a small box and opened it. Nestled in the plush velvet was the most beautiful ring that Husna had ever seen. It looked somewhat familiar.
As Husna stared at the ring, she gasped. "This is the same ring that I had always wanted! How did you remember?"
I had it designed years ago. After things had to end between us, I still asked my cousin to complete it. I wanted to keep it... I hoped that one day it would find its way to you. Look at the engraving."
Husna peered at the engraving in the ring. It was an exact replica of the engraving on the tree. It said “HUSNA & HAMMAAD 4EVER” in Hammaad’s childlike handwriting. Husna broke into a grin. “This is perfect! This is more than I ever wanted. Thank you.”
“I have one more surprise for you.”
“What else could you possibly surprise me with?” Husna asked Hammaad.
He pulled out two tickets from his pocket. “My parents gifted us with a honeymoon package. Do you want to guess where we’re going?”
She squealed in delight. “Tell me!”
“We’re going to Zanzibar!”
Husna’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding! That’s been my dream destination ever since-“
“Ever since you watched The Discovery Channel and you saw Zanzibar. I remember.”
“But how did they get it so quickly?”
“My mum’s friend is a travel agent. She felt so bad about everything, she twisted her friends arm to get this package. It’s all-inclusive.”
Husna grinned and stared into her husband’s eyes. “I love you, Hammaad.”
“I love you too, Husna.”
•Epilogue•
*Five years later*
The soft sound of a baby's gurgle broke Husna out of her sweet reverie. She had been dreaming about her wedding day again. It had been the day she felt as if she had been born again. Her shattered heart that had turned into a whirlwind of dust and that had slowly tortured her had finally decided to settle and each tiny spec had found its rightful place, making her heart whole and full again.
How amazing was it that a single day, a single moment, had fixed the damage a whole year had made?
She sighed in contentment and turned her attention to the little bundle of joy in her arms and then looked up at Hammaad. “He is so perfect.” She said with tears in her eyes.
Hammaad grinned. “And so are you.” He whispered. I’m so proud of you, babe. You did really well.
She grinned. “I could only do it with you by my side. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Husna held her son, Humayd, in her arms. She had just given birth to baby Humayd a few hours ago. She watched Hammaad as he planted a gentle kiss on their son's forehead.
Hammaad turned to her. "Are you ready for this next chapter in our lives?" He asked.
"I'm ready for anything, as long as we do it together."
As Hammaad flashed her a smile, Husna felt overcome with love for her husband. The last few years had been the best of her life. Hammaad had always tried to ensure that her heart was always happy. After all, the pain they had been through was enough for two lifetimes.
Being married to her best friend and love of her life was an indescribable feeling. There were times when Husna would tell him that she just needed her best friend and there were times when Husna would tell him that she needed her husband. And each time, Hammaad always came through. He knew her better than she knew herself. He knew when she needed a hug, he knew when she needed a laugh and he even knew when she just needed chocolate.
Their relationship was truly beautiful. Of course they had their differences, as any marriage would. But it didn't matter. Because just like their relationship had been before they had fallen in love, they always came back to each other. After all, no matter what life threw at them, their lives were always meant to cross. Their hearts were joined together, theirs was an entangled fate.
Husna knew that every single moment she had experienced had led her to this moment. Had it not been for the gut-wrenching heartache that she had experienced, she would have never understood the depths of her love and she would have never appreciated Hammaad the way she did now. Allah in his infinite wisdom had placed these trials in front of her and these very trials that she had so intensely hated, had moulded her into the woman she was today. Everything had been pre-written, it had all been part of her fate, her taqdeer.
The heartache and heartbreak that had crushed her soul were continuously being redeemed by a happiness that she couldn't explain. There was a time when every iota of her being ached for her beloved. And now, those aching iotas of pain had turned into beautiful iotas, bursting with love.
She wanted to be blessed with Hammaad forever, she wanted to spend eternity with him. And what better eternity could she pray for, other than heaven?
Allah's mercy had showered upon her and her family. She had gotten everything that she had prayed for but that didn't stop her prayers. She began praying for the impossible, she began praying for the smallest of things and the biggest of things too... Husna prayed for absolutely everything because she knew that it was Allah's promise to give his servants when they asked.
As the Quraan so beautifully states: "And your Lord said: Call upon Me, I will answer you.” [Quran 40:60]
"And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me. So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright." [Quran 2:186]
Husna always knew that any of her prayers that supposedly seemed to be unanswered would be reciprocated with a saviour of some sort or with a reward that was better than even her wildest imagination. The hadith stated this clearly: "It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed that the Prophet (SAW) said: “There is no Muslim who does not offer any dua in which there is no sin or severing of family ties but Allah will give him one of three things in return: either He will answer his dua sooner, or he will store it up for him in the Hereafter, or He will divert an equivalent evil away from him because of it.” They said: “We will say a lot of dua.” He said: “Allah is more generous.”
[Narrated by Ahmad (10749)]
She also knew that her relationship with Hammaad prior to marriage was wrong...and for that, she begged Allah to forgive them. She knew that Allah promised to forgive the transgressors. After all, mere mortals are designed to sin. And even though we sin, it is beautiful when we realise our sin and turn to our Lord in humility. The Quraan and Hadith remind us of Allah's mercy, even if we continuously err.
“Say: My servants, you who have transgressed against yourselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Truly Allah forgives all wrong actions. He is the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quraan 39:53]
Abu Hurairah reported Allah's Messenger (SAW) having said: “By Him in Whose Hand is my life, if you were not to commit sin, Allah would sweep you out of existence and He would replace (you by) those people who would commit sin and seek forgiveness from Allah, and He would have pardoned them.” [Sahih Muslim]
It was only through her merciful Lord, her Glorious Allah, that Husna's life turned out the way it did. It had turned out better than her wishes and dreams.
Husna now believed in miracles, in the impossible... And even this belief was only through Allah. Because He had blessed her with His colossal mercy. And how beautiful was this mercy? When she revelled in these thoughts, Husna was left astonished.
She glanced at Hammaad as he gently placed Humayd in the crib.
"Come sit by me." She told Hammaad.
He walked towards her and placed a kiss on her cheek. "How are you feeling?" He asked as he settled on the bed next to her.
"Happy. You astound me... Your love fuels me... It's unparalleled, it's pure. It's so intense that it can scare strangers if they were to experience this because such intensity is almost dangerous. And it was dangerous at a stage. It made our hearts vulnerable and crushed our souls. But had it not been for those moments, these moments would have never been so worth it. And with each passing day, my love for you grows more. I fall in love with you a thousand times more with each day."
Hammaad smiled at his wife. "And your love motivates me to strive to be better. It's like an ecstasy for my heart, my soul. It's an undying flame, it's the sweet embrace of our hearts. It's the same embrace which entwines our souls through a perfect web of love that only Allah can create. I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for everything that you have done for me. I'm grateful for our full hearts and even for those heartbroken days. I'm grateful for every moment that has led me to this."
Husna gazed into her husband's eyes and she knew that he knew that the feeling was mutual. They didn't need words when their hearts and souls had their own language. They didn't need words when their eyes understood each other. And surely, they didn't need words when a single embrace explained it all.
*
*Two years later*
Ayesha rolled her eyes at Naeem's playful banter. The two had grown close and ended up marrying each other. They had also both realised that they had more things in common than they thought. Ayesha playfully poked Naeem's arm. "Haha. You're funny. Now please get your child before she decides to eat the sand again." Ayesha said, referring to their toddler, Nusayba.
Naeem winked at his wife. "She gets those weird tendencies from her mother's side."
Husna mirrored her sister and rolled her eyes too. "Sure she does, Naeem."
Naeem laughed. "Hey, we're the normal ones, you know."
Hammaad smiled. "We may be normal, but we married women that are extraordinary."
Naeem clapped a hand on Hammaad's shoulder. "For once, I agree with my brother."
Hammaad laughed. "Well, let's gather everyone. Husna and I have some news to share.
Naeem gave Hammaad a sly look. "Is it what I think it is?"
"You'll find out in a second."
The family gathered around Husna and Hammaad, ready to hear their news. Husna glances around at her family and her heart soared. Humayd and Nusayba were playing together happily, Husna's parents were sitting with Hammaad's parents as they watched over the kids and Yusha sat on one side, trying to study for his final paper which would render him a CA.
In the past few years, Muneera had changed drastically. She was loving and kind and skin colour no longer defined her life. She was still embarrassed over the actions of the past. Did it really take a reflection of her own self, her own blood, to accept a person of a different race? But in a way, it was a good thing. Because Muneera no longer held even the slightest bit of racism within her. Muneera's relationship with her two daughters-in-law was beautiful. She treated them like her own and they loved her like their own mother.
Husna flashed her family a big smile. "Alhumdullillah, Hammaad and I are expecting another little bundle of joy."
As Husna said this, their family erupted in joy and Hammaad pulled her closer.
"I love you. Always and forever." Hammaad whispered in her ear.
"And I love you. Always and forever." Husna repeated.
As the two gazed at each other, their hearts bowed down to Allah in happiness. For it is only because of Allah that their hearts were filled with an indescribable joy. After all, Allah is As-Salam, the Giver of Peace, Al Qadeer, The Powerful, Ar-Ra'oof, The Most Kind. For Allah is the Great, the Merciful.
•••
And that’s a wrap! I hope you enjoyed Entangled Fate as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Fun fact: I started this story over a year ago but I couldn’t get past the first few chapters. I started it again about a month and a half again and the words just flowed, Alhumdullillah.
It is only through Allah that I am able to write and it is only through Him that I can pass on lessons. Alhumdullillah!
JazakAllah to each and every one of you for reading this story. If it has inspired you, motivated you or even helped you re-evaluate your life, my goal has been reached. May Allah bless us with the best in this world and the next. Ameen.
•••
Any comments, ideas or constructive criticism is more than welcome. I love hearing your thoughts and reading all your comments.
PS: I will be posting a new story in the next week or two, In-Sha-Allah.
Love and duas
-Halima Bint Ahmed
As-Salaamu-Alaikum. Dear Halima, I so truly enjoyed this book. It had me in tears when Hammaad and Husna broke up. I felt their pain as though I were them. I also smiled from ear to ear when they married.
ReplyDeleteSadly, racism is a reality in many Muslim households. We tend to forget our roots, which lie in Adam (AS) & Bibi Hawa (AS). I don't remember learning in madressa that Halima Saadiya was a black Muslim, but I had read it somewhere else, can't remember where though.
Sadly, because of our racist past, some of us still carry it around.
I make dua, that thae Ummah of Nabi (SAW) can get past our racism & unite as 1, Aameen.
Jazakallahu Khairan for this beautiful story. I will be reading the other stories written by you as well.
♥️♥️♥️
Wslm, I'm so glad that you enjoyed this story.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, it's a problem that is still so rife in many communities.
Ameen!
Thank you so much for reading.
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