Another Stained Soul

March 21, 2018 The Muse Drop 0 Comments

*Kindly note that authors name is a pseudonym

Prologue 

Her heart hammered loudly in her chest, threatening to burst with its incessant pounding. She gasped for air, unable to breathe. For this was the consequences of the sins of her past. Her lungs burned and her body started slowing down, against her will. She had to keep moving forward, her life depended on it. She pushed her legs harder, willing her body to move faster. To her utter dismay, a tiny little stone presented itself on the uneven gravel and she fell to the ground as the last bit of her energy drained.

She stared at his relentless face, whimpering.

"Please leave me alone." Her voice was strained.

He smiled viciously and pounced on her fragile body, the silver blade gleaming in his dirty hands.

"I will hurt you the way you hurt me sweetheart." He raped in an uneven tone.

Her heart sank. This was it. This is how her life ended. It was, after all, her own fault. She had led him on during her days of ignorance. She knew he was nothing more than a sick, twisted man. 

He sank the knife into her shoulder blade and laughed menacingly. As the red liquid decorated her clothing and oozed out onto the gravel, she cried out in pain. He was going to kill her. But first he wanted her to suffer a thousand deaths. She fought to keep her eyes open, afraid of how else he would violate her body. As her fluttering eyelids could no longer bear to stay open, darkness engulfed her and she lost consciousness.


Chapter 1

Asiyah chugged down another shot as the countdown for the new year began. She giggled as her skinny, blonde haired friend, Jackie planted a sloppy, wet kiss on her mouth. 

"What was that for?" Asiyah slurred in a bemused tone.

"Happy new year!" Jackie shrieked in drunken delight. "It's good luck to kiss your favourite people when the new year staaarts!"

"You're probably making that up." Asiyah said, her head beginning to pound. 

"I probably did. Now let's dance so some hot guys can celebrate this new year with us by taking us home." Jackie tried to wink in her drunken state as she pulled Asiyah to join her on the dance floor. 

Asiyah opened her eyes and was greeted by the bright morning sunlight. She groaned as her pounding headache resurfaced. She sat up and glanced around. She was naked in bed next to a dark haired, white male. As she sat up, she noticed Jackie sleeping on the other side. 

She could barely remember how she got here. She couldn't even recall the events that transpired the night before. However, Asiyah could easily guess what happened judging from the scene before her. She inwardly groaned. Guilt started to pave it's way in her heart but she brushed it away. 

She had to get back home before her mother, Anisa, a thoroughbred Indian, noticed she was gone. If her mother had to find out what she got up to, she would share it with Asiyah's stepfather, Saeed, who was a traditional Arab. Surely, he would convince Anisa to take Asiyah to an Arab country and stone her to death. The eighteen year old groaned as these thoughts filtered through her foggy mind.

Asiyah quickly gathered her things and as silently as she could, tiptoed to the bathroom. After changing back to last night's clothes and freshening up, she tiptoed towards Jackie.

"Jackie!" She whispered as her friend stirred. "Jackie, get up! Let's get out of here!" Jackie swatted Asiyah's hand away. 

Asiyah grew impatient, she needed to flee from this strangers apartment. "Jackie!" She shoved her friend hard. 

Jackie's eyes fluttered open and she groaned. After a few more attempts, Asiyah succeeded in persuading Jackie to leave. The girls grabbed their handbags and quickly exited the fancy hotel room. As Asiyah and Jackie made their way into the lobby, they sighed in relief. They knew where they were. Asiyah grabbed a pair of pants out of her bag and slipped them on. She needed to look decent, in case she was recognised by the prying eyes of her family's inquisitive acquaintances.

Asiyah snuck in through the back door, hoping no one would hear. She successfully fled to her room before anyone saw her.

Chapter 2

Asiyah continued indulging in these activities as her first year of university lapsed. She barely spent any time at home. The time she did spend at home, she would lock herself away in her room.

Her relationship with her mother started to strain when she lost her father at the tender age of thirteen. Ever since that day,  Asiyah and Anisa lost the close mother-daughter relationship they shared. Their relationship was completely lost when Anisa decided to marry Saeed, shortly after Asiyah turned sixteen. Asiyah's downhill spiral began at that age. Her sister, Nuraan, was four years younger than her. The two sisters appeared to be strangers. Apart from their similar looks, the girls were world's apart. 

Both girls had dark, wavy hair which was almost black and light brown, smouldering eyes. Asiyah's skin was pale, almost milky while Nuraan's skin appeared to be kissed by the sunlight. Both girls were often complimented for their simple beauty. 

However, Asiyah and Nuraan could never see eye to eye ever since the death of their father. Their conversations usually resulted in arguments and so they would avoid each other. Nuraan threw herself into learning more about Islam and attending Islamic classes whenever she could. Asiyah threw herself into the dark pits of sinning. To say the least, the girls were like chalk and cheese.

Asiyah's sinful activities progressed along with the year. Her university work was not completely suffering. She managed to just about pass all of her subjects. Asiyah would tell her mother that she would be staying at a friends house to study or that she was spending her time at the library.

Her mother did not question Asiyah's excuses and merrily accepted them. Nuraan did not believe Asiyah for one second. But she did not question her. For she knew that when Asiyah lost her temper, her words would cut through Nuraan like a hundred butcher knives. 

It was halfway through the year when Asiyah met Jon. Jon was a handsome, twenty eight year old who intrigued Asiyah from the very first time she saw him in the club. 

He had dark blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. It seemed as if a drop of the ocean was placed in his eyes. He was largely built, with perfectly sculpted biceps and broad shoulders.

He was downing shooters when he saw her dancing away. She appeared to be exotic, unlike the many other girls who seemed somewhat common. 

And when her eyes finally met his, a sexy smile curved on her pretty face. She winked playfully and seductively began to sway her hips. All the while, she ensured eye contact. 

Jon eventually approached her and the two hit it off. The pair would crave each others empty company and started to spend all their free time together.

As the relationship began to bloom, Asiyah knew that this would not be the man she would marry. He was merrily a man she could past time with and who was always ready for a party.

Jon had a temper though. Often, he would get into fights for no particular reason and end up leaving the opposing party battered and bruised. 

It was just after midnight when a drunken Jon engaged in yet another brawl. He was thrown out of the club, along with Asiyah. Asiyah carelessly lit up a cigarette, uninterested in the fight which took place before her. Jon and another man who was much smaller in size, threw punches at one another. 

Asiyah cringed when she heard a cracking sound and a muffled cry. She stared at the scene in front of her. Jon stood up, leaving the man in a pool of blood. He was clearly fighting for his life.

Asiyah sighed, completely irritated. She was slightly tipsy so she barely displayed any horror. She dragged Jon away from the man, praying that he would live.

When Asiyah finally came to her senses, she knew that she should end her relationship with Jon, she knew that if she rubbed him the wrong way he would hurt her too. She knew that she had to end it before she gave Jon the wrong idea. Little did she know though, that Jon had already fallen in love with her. Madly in love with her. And he was planning on marrying her.


Chapter 3 

It was a chilly evening when Jon decided to propose to Asiyah. He took her to the top of a hill which overlooked the city's twinkling lights. 

Asiyah was oblivious to Jon's intentions. She merrily thought that he took her there for nothing more than a make out session. When Jon went down on one knee, Asiyah drew in a shocked breath.

No, he could not propose to her. Their relationship was far from serious. Yet, here he was, perched on one knee, a gleaming ring clutched between his fingers. 

He launched into a long explanation before actually asking her straight out. Asiyah barely heard anything he said, she was too overwhelmed.

And then he finally asked the dreaded, four worded question. "Will you marry me?" His hopeful expression seemed to taunt Asiyah. 

When Asiyah finally found her voice, she replied in a muffled tone. "Ummmm, no?" Her rejection seemed to be more of a question. His hopeful expression turned into a sneer.

"Why not?" He demanded rudely. 

Asiyah explained that she never did take their relationship seriously. When she uttered those words, he rose in anger. His hands clenched into a fist. Before Asiyah could realise what was happening, he slapped her across the face, sending her reeling. 

Asiyah flew to the ground, utterly stunned. Her face ached from the blow and she could taste blood in her mouth. She knew Jon had a temper but she did not know that he would unleash his temper on her. He claimed to love her after all.

After Asiyah turned down Jon's proposal, she knew that all hell would break loose. And she was absolutely right. He hounded and harrassed her for days on end. He found out where she lived and began harassing her family. Having to explain why Jon was harassing her family was a challenging task on its own. Her mother and stepfather almost pulled her out of university until Asiyah convinced them not to. 

Jon's interference became an unwelcomed distraction. He would break her windows and scream out for her at odd hours of the morning. After a month of attempting to ignore Jon, Asiyah's family had had enough. They took out a restraining order on him.

Asiyah buried herself into her studies and distanced herself from her old friends. Jackie would still occasionally invite her to a girls night out and Asiyah would accept the invitation. But every time she would return from a night out of incredulous behaviour, guilt would entrap her stained soul.  

Asiyah started to sink into a depression. She always felt that something was missing in her life. It was then when Asiyah stumbled upon Nuraan's workbook and her eyes fell upon the quoted Hadith, "The best of sinners are those who repent." 

Her hand went to her heart and it was at that moment that she knew that she still had hope. All she had to do was turn to the Lord of all the World's. 

For the first time in years, Asiyah and Nuraan had an actual conversation that did not lead towards an argument.

Asiyah's heart yearned for a connection with Allah. Yet, she did not know that this is what her heart yearned for. 

When Nuraan invited Asiyah to attend an Islamic ladies programme with her, Asiyah eagerly accepted. As she left Nuraan's room and entered her own, she had the sudden desire to pray. 

She first decided to take a ghusl - a cleansing bath - she slowly performed ablution as well and for the first time in years, she began to pray. 

That day Asiyah prayed with her whole heart. She begged Allah for forgiveness, for all of her disgusting sins. And when she got up from her prayer mat, she felt like a new person. That missing void in her heart was slowly starting to fill up. 

The sisters started to spend more time together and a bond began to form. Asiyah tried not to miss any of her prayers. With this new found love for Islam in her heart, Asiyah's relationships started to mend too. 

Chapter 4

Asiyah approached her mother asking her for forgiveness for distancing herself. Anisa wholeheartedly accepted Asiyah's apology. She had missed her daughter, it felt like she had lost her daughter completely. 

After all, a mothers love is the purest form of love. No one can love another the way a mother loves her child, for her love is unconditional and almost perfect. 

As the days gave into weeks, Asiyah and Anisa worked on their relationship. It came with its challenges but nonetheless, they continued to persevere. Asiyah realised that in all the years she had turned away from her mother she had in fact needed her. 

The three women of the house relished in their closeness. Their hearts were inclined to one another. After all, blood is blood. A household is incomplete when the hearts of individuals are turned away from each other.

Asiyah's new found desire to learn about Islam continued to grow. She felt as though there was a whole new world waiting to be explored. A world which was far better than the world of sinning. A world overflowing with contentment rather than the need for alcohol. A world which her heart yearned for.

And so, Asiyah rid her closet of the tight mini skirts and low cut tops. Instead, she opted for clothing which would cover more of her skin. 

Although she wanted to don the hijab, she felt that she was not yet ready. Anisa and Nuraan continued to encourage the girl that had once been lost. Both knew that Asiyah had ignored her religion for a long time but they did not know just how engrossed she had become in sin.

She no longer felt the need to accept Jackie's invitations to party. In fact, she began to feel a dislike towards the life she had once lived. 

After the last time she had partied, she had come home enveloped by guilt and hatred for herself. This was no longer the person she was. Drinking and dancing away the thoughts that consumed her was no longer an option. She didn't want it to be an option. She didn't want to live such an empty life. For contentment lies within the petals of prayer, not parties.

She would often wonder if Allah would still forgive her even when she had turned back to the same sin she had begged for forgiveness from. 

When she lodged this query with her sister, Nuraan reassured Asiyah that she would be forgiven if she sincerely repented and made a firm intention to stay away from that particular sin.

Asiyah still felt dirty for all the alcohol she consumed and for her acts of promiscuity. She would beg Allah to cleanse her soul and her heart from all these dirty activities that led her to the brink of losing her Iman.

When Nuraan insisted that Asiyah join her for another islamic lecture, Asiyah excitedly agreed. 

Asiyah was eager to learn what the woman who was fully clad in black had to say. It was only Allah who led her to the gathering and it was only Allah who looked at her soul with such mercy.

And when the mysterious woman removed her face covering, Asiyah gasped in awe. The woman's face had an unusual light emanating from her face which was so striking and so beautiful. When she began to speak, her words captured Asiyah. 

When she mentioned that every single person has an opportunity to reform and accept the oneness of Allah and believe in His beloved prophet, Asiyah's hand flew to her heart. At that moment Asiyah realised that if she had not grasped this opportunity, she could have been completely lost. 

When the woman mentioned that every person who has even an iota of Iman within their soul would enter paradise, the tears flowed out of Asiyah's eyes. Oh! How beautiful was this religion that she had disregarded for many years? How perfect was this religion that gave one countless more chances? How perfect was this religion that encouraged people to redeem themselves? 

It was during Asiyah's reformation process that she encountered Jon and his evil intentions. 

Chapter 5

Asiyah continued to better herself.  She wanted to try, she wanted to become a better Muslim, a better student, a better daughter, a better sister - frankly, she wanted to be a better person. 

She replaced her loud, thunderous music with beautiful quraanic recitations. She replaced her old acquintances who led her to sin with new friends who encouraged her to betterment. 

Her desire to exceed in all aspects of her life masked her previous persona. Indeed, she was on the road to melioration.

She would spend hours on her prayer mat, continuously seeking forgiveness. She hated the person she once was. She hated being the person who would disrespect herself. 

Ultimately, Islam is the religion that gives a woman respect. In the eyes of this beautiful religion, woman are precious beings. They are the pearls that should be concealed. They are the jewels placed upon this earth. They are the beings that are treasured. 

But it is the human mind that leads to one of the biggest flaws. The flaw that leads a woman to believe that she is worthless. Alas, she is the epitome of appraisal, created by God to bring joy to this earth. 

After all, Hawa was created for Adam. He needed her the same way a plant needs water and the earth needs the sun.

Asiyah began to concentrate on her studies. Her love for psychology grew. Initially, she had chosen psychology merely to attend university. She couldn't have cared less about her future. Now, she realised that she could actually help people, something she had only done when she was a child. She could try to become selfless instead of selfish.

Asiyah was going through a group assignment with her fellow classmates at a local coffee shop. As the last of her classmates left, Asiyah decided to stay behind and work on her other assignments.

When Asiyah finally packed everything away and looked around, she realised that the coffee shop was practically deserted. She grabbed her cellphone and quickly called her mother, informing her of her whereabouts and that she would be home soon. This was Asiyah's new rule. She would no longer ignore her mother's calls and sneak into the house in the wee hours of the morning. 

She was becoming a responsible young lady. She didn't want her mother to stress.

Asiyah exited the coffee shop and groaned. It was late and she had parked a block away. The area was completely deserted. It was in contrast to the buzz that had filled the streets earlier.

She trudged in the direction of her car and as she did so, a familiar figure appeared a few feet away. Asiyah silently groaned. Fear gripped her speeding heart rate and her breathing became shallow.

He purposely gained on her, painfully slowly. And as her eyes met his, she recognised the crazed look in his eyes. Asiyah turned around and began running.
He leaped towards her, almost maniacally.
With every thudding step she took, her fear escalated into the realms of darkness, foreign to her. For the first time in her nineteen years of existence, she feared for her life.

And when she turned onto the gravel road, her lungs burning and her legs painfully aching, she willed herself to move faster. This was merely a result of her past sins. Maybe she was meant to be punished in this world. Maybe this was her redemption. Or maybe this is what she deserved. As her heart hammered loudly in her ears, she could feel her body giving up.

As fate would have it, she tripped and fell to the ground. She was too tired to fight. Too tired to push herself to get out of this situation. The adrenaline that had consumed her just a few minutes earlier had dissipated into the thin air. She felt powerless.

He roughly pounced on her and turned her tired body to face him. 

She closed her eyes for a brief second, willing this ordeal to be nothing more than a nightmare. 

But when her eyes fluttered open, she was staring into the crazed, evil eyes of Jon.


Chapter 6

She willed herself to get up from this terrifying nightmare. She tried to convince herself that it was only a dream. Surely, it had to be the rough images of her past playing out in her subconscious.

Maybe she was too engrossed in her subconscious mind to wake up from this nightmare. This sick nightmare which would leave her sweating and screeching in her sleep.

But reality struck the chords of her hope. The cold, unruly surface of gravel seeped into her back. The weight of Jon paralysed her. The feeling of nausea overwhelmed her. 

This was definitely not a dream. This was reality. A reality she wished to escape. 

And she was terror stricken.

"Please leave me alone." Asiyah whimpered.

As he roughly grabbed her, she noticed the silver object gleaming in his hand. It was a knife. The blade glittered in the moonlight. It almost seemed to be dancing as the light reflected off of it. It would have appeared to be beautiful, had she not been in this situation

She was terrified. Fear engulfed every part of her. Her breathing escalated, her heart pounded deafeningly and her body failed to move. 

She needed to fight. If only she had the energy. If only the adrenaline could kick in again.

The only part of her that did not deduce into the depths of numbness was her mind.

Her thoughts played out in her mind like a crazed tornado. How did she get herself into this situation in the first place? Why did she meet Jon's eyes that night in the club? Why did she lead him on? Asiyah blamed herself. If only she had been wise back then. If only she had stayed at home the night she met him. If only...

Her thoughts ceased when Jon started to speak. "I will hurt you the way you hurt me, sweetheart." He rasped in an uneven tone.

So this is how it would all end. This is how her life would be ripped away from her. She believed that it was all her doing in the first place.

His sickening breath wafted through her nostrils. Asiyah felt sick, violated and disgusted. She would never be able to fight him off. He was so large and muscular.

Jon's bulky figure loomed over her threateningly. He was speaking but his words were a garbled mess. She began to sink further into the folds of numbness.

But that is when it happened.

Asiyah could barely fathom what he was doing to her. He had torn her top and was caressing her shoulder blade. Her hijab was a tangled mess. She would rather die than have him touch her so intimately. The activities she once whole heartedly pursued now disgusted her. She didn't want to feel his touch.  The same touch which had once fueled her with passion now froze her blood. 

She silently prayed for this to end. She didn't want his dirty hands on her for one more second. 

That is when her prayers were answered.

That is when Jon stopped touching her.

That is when the knife pierced her heart, or so she thought.

That is when she realised that the pain emanated from her shoulder.

His sick laugh echoed in her ringing ears.

She could feel the warm, red liquid oozing out of her body. Her clothing became soaked with her own blood. Her shoulder silently howled in excruciating pain.

She felt faint. She tried to scream, instead a pained gurgle escaped her mouth.

She stared at him through half closed eyes once again, no sound coming out of her and silently pleaded with him.

And before she completely blacked out, she noticed a flicker of regret in his dark, menacing eyes. 

Chapter 7

As Asiyah's eyes pleaded with Jon, his heart froze. What had he done? Why would he hurt the woman he claimed to love? Regret enveloped his entire being. He stared at her and suddenly her body went limp. Jon cried out in guilt. 

He tried to blame the alcohol in his system, his fit of rage, his deep love for her but nothing could justify his woeful act. This was all on him. There was no one to blame apart from himself. 

His heart, which was hardened earlier, turned to mush. All he could do was question himself. Why? Why? Why?

For a few more seconds he just sat there,  staring at her as the puddle of crimson blood surrounding her grew.

He felt nauseated and sick to his stomach. The scent of her blood rippled through his body, freezing every part of him. 

That is when he realised that he needed to fix this. He didn't want her to die. She was too young. This was his fault. This was the result of his ever blazing temper. 

He made a promise to himself that he would never ever come back into Asiyah's life. She deserved better than him.

Besides, she had reformed. She was now religious and he knew that when Asiyah made up her mind, she wouldn't change it. What made him think that she would ever compromise her religion for him? A man whose life revolved around partying was not the man for Asiyah anymore. And besides, Jon didn't believe in religion. 

He grabbed his phone and struggled to call the ambulance. At last, he got through. He shakily relayed the details to the person on the other hand. He sat next to Asiyah's unconscious body and sobbed into his hands.

As the minutes passed by, he feared that it may be too late for Asiyah. The faint siren sounds alerted the quiet night in the distance. As the siren sounded louder, closer, he thought about running. 

It was his guilt that stopped him. He needed to pay for this. And so he waited until the ambulance arrived and speedily worked around her. 

They loaded her into the back of the ambulance van. Before he could join her, he was stopped by the police.

As the ambulance sped away, Jon was arrested. He did not fight it. He accepted it.

He would confess his crimes and spend his time in jail for attempted murder.

As Jon was loaded into the police vehicle, he sighed. He vowed to never come near Asiyah again. And that was the vow he wholeheartedly kept. That was the last anyone ever heard of Jon again. 

The phone rang in the wee hours of the morning, startling Anisa. She blinked away her sleep and picked up the phone.

She listened for a few moments before the phone fell from her shaky grip.

No, this couldn't be happening. Asiyah was in hospital.

Anisa rushed around the house in a state of frenzy, alerting her husband and her daughter.

Tears cascaded down the faces of Asiyah's mother and sister. Worry creased their pretty faces as Saeed manoeuvred through the streets.

Silent prayers left the mouths of all three of them. Fear gripped their beings, paralysing their minds.

When they finally arrived at the hospital, they were told to wait. 

And so they waited. 

And waited.

And waited. 

Asiyah could not die now, she was too young, she had just rediscovered Islam, she was on the road to redemption.

She was the light in the house, she made her family laugh with her bubbly, perky personality. She would bring smiles to the faces of her mother, sister and stepfather. She had easily won over the hearts of her family.

Anyone that met Asiyah, immediately gained a liking for her. The new Asiyah was hard to hate. 

After all, it is said that when Allah loves a person, all of creation loves that person too. 

Asiyah's worried mother and sister nervously awaited for news about Asiyah's condition. 

The waiting room was cold and unfamiliar. Soft groans were murmured by the scattered few who mourned their loved ones for some reason or another.

It was depressing and dark. Hospitals only brought joy when it brought a new life. Very rarely did one like the sickly charged atmosphere of this place.

Hearts were always broken and life was usually lost in hospitals.


But Anisa and Nuraan knew that whatever happened, at any time, was always only by the will of Allah. 

And Allah's will can never be challenged.

They sat in the awful waiting area, sobbing and praying. 

Just when Asiyah was changing for the better, this had to happen. But they knew that they could not question their Lord. It was His will.

After what seemed like hours, a tired looking doctor approached them. His voice sounded solemn and both women thought the worst.

He began by explaining a few things in technical terms which no one understood. 

They silently willed the doctor to get to the point. They needed to know what the verdict was. They just wanted to know if Asiyah was okay.

But in these situations, time lapses painfully slowly. The world appears to work in slow motion. The earth feels that it is revolving around the sun in a deliberately slow manner.

"Asiyah lost a lot of blood." The doctor stated in a layman term.


Chapter 8

"However, she is currently stable. She needs a blood transfusion as well."

Anisa and Nuraan were notified on the technicalities.

They couldn't thank Allah enough. Asiyah was okay. That was all that mattered. They fell to the ground in prostration after completing their compulsory noon prayers. 

When they were finally allowed to see Asiyah,  it was already noon the next day. Asiyah appeared weak and heavily bruised. She had dark marks which decorated her face. Her upper shoulder was dressed in a cast.

She tried to smile when she saw her mother and her sister but was unsuccessful. All she wanted to do was hug her mother and sister and cry into their shoulders. They were her comfort and at that moment, all she yearned for was comfort. After her terrifying ordeal, she just wanted to feel safe, and her family was her safe place.

The two women shed fountains of tears at the mere sight of Asiyah. Their tears were filled with pain and joy.

How strange is it that one can experience pain and joy at the same time? Allah has created everyone so marvellously, so intricately. Humans are walking miracles. Every breath, every beat of the heart, every step is proof of the miracles we are. "So which of the favours of your Lord would you deny?"

Asiyah slowly began to heal, physically and emotionally. After a week lapsed, she was discharged. She was notified that Jon was arrested and she somewhat felt at ease. Apart from ignoring the restraining order, he was also charged with attempted murder. Asiyah never wanted to hear from Jon again, and she didn't. 

As the weeks gave into months, Asiyah slowly recovered. It was a challenge, but she continued to remind herself that it was only due to Allah's mercy that she was okay. She continued to strive towards becoming a better Muslim.  

Her bubbling personality resurfaced and she became the Asiyah she was before the incident which almost cost her her life.

Anisa's home was filled with smiles and happiness. Both her daughters were closer than ever and it truly brought joy to her heart. 

The once quiet dinner table was filled with chatter and laughs. The gloomy weekends gave way to cheerful family time.

Anisa thought back. There was a time when Asiyah barely acknowledged her. The house would be eerily quiet at all times of the day. Anisa and Nuraan would have quiet conversations, both feeling the absence of Asiyah. Asiyah had completely withdrawn from the family.

It was only with Allah's mercy that Asiyah's faith had strengthened. And only His mercy that allowed the broken family to feel whole again.

Asiyah's diligent student nature did not allow her to really concentrate on the opposite gender. She was engrossed in her studies and her family. Her days at varsity were spent either in the library or with her two friends, Layla and Raeesa. 

Both girls always encouraged Asiyah in a good way, towards Islam. That is what Asiyah loved about them. The three girls were almost inseparable. It broke Asiyah's heart knowing that both of her friends were graduating at the end of the year. 

Asiyah still had one year left. It was not that she couldn't befriend people, on the contrary, she could draw people in. But she preferred her small group of friends. After all, her heart had easily attached itself to their hearts.

It is said that when the souls of the beings were in the realm of souls, some souls connected while other souls did not.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: 'Souls are like conscripted soldiers; those whom they recognize, they get along with, and those whom they do not recognize, they will not get along with.'

How beautiful is it that souls have already inclined to one another in the realm of souls? And surely, these very souls will reconnect with one another in this world.

Perhaps that is the reason that one yearns for someone they have never met. Or the reason one feels that their soul is incomplete, their heart is missing a piece.

And Asiyah felt that way. She had everything she wanted, she was content. 


She cared not about materialistic things as this was not a part of her nature. She valued love, family and closeness. Asiyah was already blessed with all that she wanted. Yet, her heart and her soul, yearned for the unknown. 

Asiyah could not understand this foreign feeling. She did not know how to deal with it and so she ignored it. She busied herself into her studies, family life and spending time with her best friends before they endeavoured into the next phase of their lives.

Asiyah was not looking for a relationship. In fact, that was the last thing on her mind. She had distanced herself from all her male acquintances. 

One day, as fate would have it, she met a good looking young man at university. 

Asiyah headed towards the prayer room to offer her noon prayers. The prayer room was split into two sections separating the males from the females. Short partitions were erected in the middle of the room.

As Asiyah stepped into the quiet room, she was met with the melodious recitation of the quraan. The sound soothed her ears as she listened on. Asiyah felt captivated by the strangers voice. 

She couldn't see his face as his back was towards her. He didn't notice her either and so he continued. 

The beautiful words leaving his lips captured Asiyah's entire being. So much so, that she almost tripped over her own feet. The sound of rummaging alerted the young man as Asiyah steadied herself. 

His eyes met Asiyah's and she looked away bashfully. 

Throughout the rest of the day, images of the young man flickered through Asiyah's mind. She craved to hear his voice again, to hear the perfect words that left his mouth. She wanted to hear him recite quraan again.

That night, sleep evaded Asiyah. She could not stop thinking of him. She wanted to forget about him but she couldn't. 

The very next day Asiyah saw him again, this time he sat in the library across from her. His eyes met hers and they bore into her soul when he stared at her. She was dressed modestly and yet she felt naked when he looked at her. It was as if he could see past her exterior. He could see her soul.

His jet black hair softly rested on his head. His eyes were something between brown and green. His fair skin appeared to be flawless. His face was perfectly sculpted and light stubble rested on his face, enhancing his features. His toned muscles and broad shoulders could be noticed even through his shirt.

At that moment, Asiyah was mesmerised by the mere site of him.

Chapter 9

For weeks Asiyah continued catching glimpses of him. Her favourite moments were when she would enter the prayer room and be greeted by his melodious recitation. She tried to be discreet when she was listening to him so that he wouldn't stop.

Asiyah entered the busy library one afternoon. Her eyes scanned the place for an empty seat. It was exam season so students were cramming last minute information into their heads.

She finally found a vacant seat and made a beeline for it. She didn't realise that the man that stalked her dreams was on the seat next to her.

She gasped as she saw him, completely stunned by his closeness.

He glanced at her and smiled good naturedly.

"Assalaamualaykum." He greeted softly.

Asiyah responded to his greeting, pretending to be completely composed.

"I'm Zayyaan." He introduced himself.

"Asiyah." She said shakily. "What are you studying?" She continued, hoping he did not notice her jittery fingers.

"Civil engineering, I'm in my final year." He launched into a short description of his studies. Asiyah's heart beat quickened as she heard his British accent. He spoke articulately and gracefully. "What are you studying?" He asked with a grin.

"I'm doing psychology. Next year should be my last." Asiyah responded, her heart hammering in her chest. Externally, Asiyah seemed to be calm but internally, butterflies were crashing into one another. 

They continued to make small talk.
She learned that his parents were from South Africa but they moved to England when he was young. His family moved back to South Africa in his final school year.

"So what exactly are you?" Asiyah thought out loud.

Zayyaan laughed. "What I am? What do you mean?"

Asiyah's eyes widened in disbelief. "Did I just say that out loud?" She squeaked.

Zayyaan nodded, grinning in amusement. "So..." He prodded. "What do you mean?"

"Ummmm... I... You..." Asiyah attempted, unsuccessfully. She gathered her thoughts and tried again. "Ummmm... Where are your ancestors from?" She blurted. His intriguing features had prompted that thought in the first place. Asiyah was curious to know more about him.

His mother was from an Arab descent, hence his intriguing features.

"So tell me more about yourself." Zayyaan asked.

Asiyah looked away, she didn't want to tell him about her past but his eyes seemed to know everything about her.

She sighed. "I'm not very interesting. I've lived in SA all my life, my dad passed away when I was thirteen and my mother remarried a half Yemeni man. I have a younger sister, Nuraan, who is my best friend. Other than that, there's not much to say about me."

Zayyaan listened attentively to Asiyah. Asiyah wondered how he wasn't bored with her yet. He was truly fascinating and she was merely a plain Jane.

Asiyah recalled his beautiful recitations. "Are you a haafidh?" She asked him, straight to the point.

Zayyaan grinned at Asiyah's random questions. "Alhamdullillah, yes I am. It was you who almost fell in the prayer room a month ago, right?"

Asiyah's cheeks warmed up in embarrassment. She nodded slowly. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't want to impose."

"You weren't imposing. It's a public prayer room." Zayyaan looked at her, flashing her a perfect smile. Asiyah had to look away. He was so beautifully created.

And as fascinated as Asiyah was with Zayyaan, he too was fascinated with her. She was quiet and mysterious. Her eyes told a hundred different stories. She moved with modesty and grace.

Zayyaan wanted to know everything about Asiyah. He wanted to know all about her past, present and future. He wanted to know all her hopes and dreams. He wanted to know what made her smile and what made her frown. He wanted to know all of the stories her eyes told. He wanted to know HER - all of her.

The two continued to chat, laughing shyly as they became engrossed in what the other had to say.

Even strangers could notice the chemistry between the two. They were like magnets, each one completely drawn to the other. 


As time lapsed, Asiyah and Zayyaan spent more and more time together. Zayyaan was the ultimate gentleman. He was everything a woman wanted. He was perfectly kind, sweet and caring. His outer appearance was just the tip of the iceberg. For the person he was in the inside, was far better than his handsome exterior. 

Asiyah tried hard not to be attracted to him. But how could she not? He was physically and internally handsome. He was everything she didn't know she wanted.

She couldn't help but fall madly in love with him. Each day spent with Zayyaan led her to falling even harder for him. Her heart would flutter about in her chest at the mere site of him. Her knees would weaken when she would sneak up behind him in the prayer room, quietly listening. 

She would watch him as he would lend a hand to an old lady who wanted to cross the street. She would watch him help a lecturer carry boxes to their office. She would watch him feed a stray dog. She would watch him offer his help to strangers. 

And as she watched him, she fell more in love with him. For Zayyaan had a heart of gold. He was the most caring specimen she ever laid eyes upon. 

He was soft in nature. He would never lose his temper, regardless of how frustrating a situation would be. He was far from temperamental. In Asiyah's eyes, Zayyaan was perfect.

When Asiyah would become frustrated in certain situations, Zayyaan would calm her down.

He was not just another typical male. He was a kind and understanding being in comparison to the many men Asiyah had encountered during her past.

He was clearly oblivious to how the female population ogled him. It wasn't his looks that attracted Asiyah, it was his heart.

As time moved on, Asiyah told him about her past. Zayyaan listened attentively, not even a flicker of judgement would pass through his expression. When she finished, he advised her and encouraged her. He didn't judge her for her past sins.

Zayyaan was the complete opposite of who Asiyah used to be. He didn't have a stream of girlfriends or a history of hardcore parties. He was simple and academic. He always considered himself a nerd. But he didn't look like a nerd. In fact, he looked like the heartthrob he was. And the many stares, which he was oblivious to, always proved how good-looking he was.

Within six months the two had formed a bond. They were each others safe place. 

Asiyah realised that her love for Zayyaan continued to increase. She needed to stay away from him as this relationship would remain forbidden until marriage would change that. IF marriage was ever on the table.

She was still too weak to stay away from him though. He made her smile, truly smile. He made her heart feel at ease. He made her heart beat faster when he was in her presence. He knew the despicable person she used to be and never judged her, not even for a second. To him, she was a young woman who was trying hard to better herself. Her past made her a better person.

She loved the way he would drop everything to perform his prayers. With his positive influence on her, Asiyah rarely missed a prayer too. 

Asiyah often wondered if he felt the same way about her. Little did she know that Zayyaan had fallen in love with her from the moment he had laid eyes on her.

And the gentleman that he was, he didn't tell her, fearing that she would feel awkward. He didn't want to place her in a difficult position if she didn't feel the same way.

Chapter 10

As the weeks parted into months, Asiyah began to feel despondent. Zayyaan did not appear to feel the same way about her. She could no longer pretend that she didn't love him. She had fallen completely and irrevocably in love with him. He needed to know. It had already been a year since she had laid eyes on this beautiful human.

Many times, Asiyah had attempted to tell Zayyaan how she felt but she always recoiled. Her fear of rejection was intense. 

At times, humans are strange creatures. Silence could possibly lead to a lifetime of unhappiness. Fear entraps the heart, causing uncertainty and confusion. Sometimes, feelings become a prisoner of the heart.

It was on a cold day when Asiyah sat alone, shivering slightly, contemplating her life. She wanted to open up her heart to Zayyaan and pour out her feelings. 

Asiyah was no longer the type of girl who would be considered as forward. However, she had always been straightforward. She had the habit of asking questions the way she saw it. And she knew that she could no longer hope for Zayyaan to tell her how he felt about her. She needed to take action. If he didn't want her, she would terminate the friendship. She didn't want to spend her time with him if she couldn't marry him. She couldn't relapse into sin. 

She knew that when it came to Zayyaan, she was too weak to stay away. Likewise, Zayyaan knew that he should stay away from Asiyah. But he too felt too weak. 

Asiyah hoped that he wanted her the way she wanted him, but she knew that she couldn't force what wasn't there.

Zayyaan walked up to her as she snapped out of her reverie. She watched him as he smiled at her and removed his jacket. He gently placed it on Asiyah's shoulders and greeted her.

"Assalaamualaykum Asiyah. Why are you sitting outside in the cold?"

Asiyah forced a smile. "I'm just contemplating..." She trailed off.

Zayyaan grinned at her. That smile could melt her heart even in this cold. " Why don't you contemplate in the library?"

She shrugged and stared into the distance. Noticing that her mind was elsewhere, Zayyaan spoke up. "Is something bothering you? Would you like to talk about it?"

Asiyah shrugged again, displaying disinterest. She wanted to tell him that she was in love with him, but the words died on her tongue. She wanted to throw her arms around him and confess all of the feelings that consumed her every night. She wanted to tell him how she wanted to wake up to his face every morning and fall asleep in his arms at night. 

Zayyaan looked at her intensely. "You know I'm always here for you, yeah?"

Asiyah found her voice and began speaking, staring into the distance. If she didn't say anything now, she would never say anything at all. "Have you wanted to tell someone something so badly but never had the courage to? Rejection is generally what silences us. We are too afraid to tell people how we feel based on their reaction. It's silly." She was rambling but she didn't care. "Why is love something that we fear so much? Why do we let society remind us that there's always a place for rejection? The fear of rejection can consume us... and it's all because we have allowed society to induce these 'rules'. If you love someone as much as you say you do, wouldn't you tell them? I mean, we live once. But what guarantee do we have of tomorrow? What if we die and we never had the chance to apologise, or to forgive, or to tell someone how much they meant to you? What if we die and the other person never gets the chance to hear what they needed to hear from us?" Asiyah paused for a breath and glanced at Zayyaan's reaction.

Zayyaan was clearly taken aback. He stared at Asiyah and nervously cleared his throat as she turned to face him. "Would you tell someone how you felt about them if you knew that they would die tomorrow? Or that you would die tomorrow?" Asiyah asked softly.


Silence stretched between them for a good few minutes as Zayyaan contemplated what Asiyah said. He needed to tell Asiyah that he loved her. It was time that he made his feelings known. They both began speaking at the same time.

"Asiyah-"
"Zayyaan-"

"Ladies first." Zayyaan stated, laughingly. His laugh was speckled with apprehension. 

Asiyah needed to know how he felt about her. She swallowed her nervousness and faced Zayyaan. 

"Zayyaan." Asiyah began. "I want you to be brutally honest with me right now." She paused, her tone was straightforward. "How do you feel about me?"

Stunned, Zayyaan nervously cleared his throat again and looked at Asiyah directly in the eye. He had to be honest right now. She needed to know how he felt and he needed to tell her. "I... I'm in love with you." He looked down again.

Asiyah broke into a beautiful smile. "Say it again." She gently prodded. These were the words she had wanted to hear for over a year. She wanted to sieze the moment.

Zayyaan looked up, clearly shocked. "I'm in love with you, Asiyah." He repeated nervously.

Asiyah laughed in delight and grabbed his face. "I'm in love with you too, Zayyaan."

Zayyaan's face displayed pure joy. He was left speechless. Asiyah moved her face closer to his and gently pressed her lips to his. There were fireworks going off in her head. This was the first time Asiyah felt this way during a kiss. She broke away, breathless. 

Asiyah reminded herself that she wanted to reform. She could not kiss him. Not until they were married. Her love for him ran so deep that she did not want to place him in a position of sin. She didn't want to be his sin. He felt the same way about her too.

"We can't do this." Asiyah mumbled. 

"I know." Zayyaan whispered. "I know."

She voiced her concerns to him and he was ever so understanding. She yearned to hug him, to feel his strong body against hers, yet she controlled her desires. She yearned to feel his soft lips against hers but she stopped herself.

Then Zayyaan said the words Asiyah hoped to hear. The words that would lead to the change from impermissable to permissable. From halal to haram. It completely surprised her. "Marry me." Zayyaan whispered as he stared into Asiyah's eyes.

Asiyah gasped in sheer delight. "Yes! Yes of course!" Maybe she was dreaming, but it was a beautiful dream. A dream that she didn't want to end. She pinched herself, the irritating pain shot through her arm. It surely was not a dream. This was reality, her perfect reality.

A few minutes ago, the young pair hadn't known what the other had felt. And now Zayyaan had asked Asiyah to marry him. Such was life, strange to the very core.

Zayyaan's happiness was unparalleled. "I want to do this the right way though. Can I ask for your mother's blessings first?"

"Of course." Asiyah was so elated, so incredibly happy. Zayyaan always wanted to do things the right way and she loved that about him.

But little did she know that her happiness would be short lived.

Chapter 11

Asiyah decided to tell her mother all about Zayyaan. She didn't want it to come as a shock to her mother. Anisa knew that Zayyaan was Asiyah's friend but didn't really think anything about it.

But first, Asiyah wanted to seek advice from the advisor of all advisors. She turned to her Lord, seeking direction and answers. 

After praying to Allah for guidance, she went to sleep. She didn't have a dream that night, but when she woke up her heart felt content. She felt happy and sure. Asiyah took this as a positive sign and decided to tell Anisa as soon as possible.

Asiyah was nervous to tell her mother but got straight to the point. 

"Mum, do you have a minute? I need to talk to you." Asiyah told her mother, as she  began wringing her hands anxiously.

Anisa stopped stirring the pot and turned to face Asiyah. "Of course honey. Anything wrong?"

Asiyah smiled. "On the contrary, actually..." She trailed off for a second to gather her thoughts. "What would you say if I told you that I wanted to get married?"

Anisa beamed in delight. "Married? You? That would be wonderful!" She gushed. "Oh, I can start looking around for eligible-"

"Mum, wait." Asiyah interrupted, amused. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves." She joked. " I... Um... I actually have someone in mind." 

"You do?" Anisa seemed mildly shocked. "And who is this lucky man?" She asked, playfully winking. 

"Zayyaan... He proposed to me but he wants to do this the right way and ask for your permission and your blessing first."

"Really?" Anisa asked excitedly. "That'll be great! He is such a gentleman from what I've seen." Anisa was truly delighted that her twenty year old daughter had grown up in the past year. 

And so the family planned for Zayyaan and his family to formally propose to Asiyah the next week.

Asiyah was ecstatic, she could barely contain her excitement. 

Her family watched her with bemused expressions on their faces as she ran around the house trying to make everything look perfect.

The day that Zayyaan and his family were to meet Asiyah's family had finally arrived. Asiyah's stepfather also displayed his happiness. 

The house buzzed in excitement as Asiyah donned her clothing. The butterflies in her stomach refused to cease fluttering. Her heart pounded so loudly, she was afraid that everyone would be able to hear it.

The doorbell rang and Nuraan had to practically pin Asiyah down before she could bound down the stairs. 

"Wait, I'll get it." Nuraan said as she quickly straightened Asiyah's hijab. Nuraan dashed downstairs as Asiyah became giddy and fidgety. 

When Asiyah could no longer contain herself, she bounded down the stairs, eager to see Zayyaan. She hadn't seen him for the entire week and she had missed him terribly. Her stepfather and Nuraan welcomed Zayyaan's family.

Asiyah joined her mother in the kitchen as Anisa was adding the last few finger foods to the tray. She looked at her excited daughter and smiled. 

Anisa couldn't remember the last time she had seen Asiyah this happy. 

Asiyah followed her mother towards the sitting area, catching a glimpse of Zayyaan. Her mother walked painfully slowly towards the guests and suddenly froze midway. Asiyah bumped straight into her mother.

"Mum!" She exclaimed impatiently.

But Anisa was not listening. Her gaze was fixed on Zayyaan's father. A look of horror flashed across Anisa's face. When Zayyaan's father, Burhaan, looked up, he too froze. His eyes flashed in horror, paralysing him.

At first, no one noticed what had happened.

"Mum!" Asiyah said, shaking her mother. 

Anisa didn't budge. Silence enveloped the entire room, alerting everyone. 

The tension in the air began to build up until it felt as if breathing became impossible. 

Zayyaan and Asiyah stared at one another, completely confused. What was happening right now? They glanced at everyone else who mirrored their expressions. No one understood what just happened, except for Anisa and Burhaan. 

They continued to stare at each other, fear and horror etched on their faces.



"This was a mistake." Burhaan mumbled. He rose to leave.

"Dad?" Zayyaan asked questioningly. 

But Burhaan didn't hear his son. He shakily made his way to the door.

Zayyaan tried to reason with his father, but Burhaan would not hear of it. He walked out of the house, his wife close behind as confusion embedded itself on her face.

As Zayyaan followed his family out of the house, he looked at Asiyah and whispered. "I'll call you later."

Asiyah was furious. The ordeal had just made room for panic in Asiyah's heart. She turned to her mother, about to demand an explanation. But Anisa was still in a daze, she looked terrified. 

Asiyah turned to her sister, as tears slowly began to stream down her face. What had meant to be simple, turned out to be completely complicated. 

But they didn't realise just how complicated the situation was. And Asiyah would only find out in a later point of her life what had led to the events that had just transpired.

Asiyah's stepfather steered Anisa away. He led her to the bedroom and gently placed her on the bed. He too had no idea what just happened. He knew Anisa told him everything but he couldn't understand the situation that had just lapsed. Anisa would tell him if and when she was ready.

Anisa remained quiet for the next few days. She barely ate and barely spoke.

When Anisa finally resumed to her normal self, she decided to have a word with Asiyah. 

Anisa told Asiyah that Burhaan was a man that could not be trusted. She did not elaborate on what she said. Her few words meant nothing.

Asiyah was baffled. She needed to know more but her mother refused to reveal more.

Asiyah insisted that even if Burhaan could not be trusted, Zayyaan could be trusted. Anisa failed to see that this apple fell very far from the tree.

If it wasn't for the way Anisa's face twisted in pain and horror, Asiyah would have demanded answers. 

But Asiyah could not give up. And so she begged and pleaded with her mother for her blessings instead of seeking answers.

Anisa could not give in. Her heart would not allow her to. And although a mother only wants happiness for her children, she also strives towards their wellbeing. 

Sometimes a mothers heart cannot accept the wishes of her children's heart. And if only the child understands that a mothers love is pure selflessness, the child would understand that a mother only wants what is best for her children. 

And so, what Anisa said next, completely broke Asiyah's heart.

Chapter 12

"I will not give my blessings for this marriage. If you want to marry him, consider me dead." Asiyah's mother was never unreasonable, she was usually always level headed. This was a completely different side of Anisa. 

"Give me a reason, mum! Please!" Asiyah pleaded.

Anisa turned her face away. Her voice barely above a whisper, she said, "My decision is final. If you want to marry him, I am dead to you, Asiyah."

Asiyah's heart broke into a million little pieces. If it had not been for that pained look on Anisa's face, Asiyah would have fought harder. But she couldn't bear to see that look on her mother's face.

How does one choose between those whom they love? 

When Asiyah approached Nuraan for her advice, Nuraan didn't know what to say. Instead Nuraan held her sister and consoled her. She then told her to seek the help of the Almighty. 

And so, Asiyah prayed to Allah, opening her heart as her tears gushed forth. She begged and pleaded with Allah to console her shattered being and to grant her understanding.

She just wanted to be happy. After all, it is human nature to yearn happiness. Happiness is all one ever wants. For, it is happiness that brings forth love. It is happiness that completes a heart.

Asiyah began to sink into a depression. She was hurt and confused. She could not understand why her mother had forbidden the love she had for Zayyaan to blossom through marriage.

Asiyah wondered if she could hate her mother. She almost wanted to hate her mother for causing her so much of heartache.

She even began to contemplate running away and marrying Zayyaan against her mother's wishes. But her heart would not allow her to go through with it.

As the days passed her by, Asiyah felt that she was becoming completely consumed by depression. She tried to deal with all of her emotions, only to fall asleep with a stream of tears. She would awake to a broken heart and shattered dreams.

As depressed as Asiyah was, Nuraan somehow convinced her to attend yet another islamic programme. As fate would have it, the topic concentrated on the importance of mothers. 

Asiyah knew that she could not hurt the woman who bled for her, who stayed by her side even in the darkest of moments. Her mother was the very woman who never gave up on Asiyah even when she gave up on herself.

But how does one give up on their soul mate? On the man who makes one feel whole and complete?

Asiyah decided that she needed to speak to Zayyaan. She hadn't spoken to him since the week before, when his family came over intending to propose to Asiyah. He had tried calling her but Asiyah couldn't bring herself to pick up his calls and hear his voice. She didn't trust herself to remain calm.

After much deliberation, Asiyah called Zayyaan. When she heard his voice, a lump formed in her throat and tears cascaded down her pale face. When she finally pulled herself together, she asked him to meet her.

Asiyah got ready quickly and told Nuraan she needed to speak to Zayyaan. Nuraan looked at her sister skeptically, hoping that her sister wasn't planning on doing anything stupid.

When Asiyah's eyes met Zayyaan's, she lost her train of thought. Suddenly, her heart felt whole again, her heart felt happy.

She sat next to him, initially making small talk. Both were too afraid to bring up the events of the previous week. 

In a split second, both their future plans became uncertain. In that same split second, their happiness too became uncertain.

And it is human nature to fear the loss of happiness.

After Asiyah gathered herself, she began to relay the events that followed that fateful day. She told Zayyaan how her mother would not want anything to do with her if she married him.

Zayyaan told Asiyah that Burhaan hadn't explained himself either. He had barely said a word in the last few days. But Zayyaan was certain that he could hear his father's painful cries late into the night.

Zayyaan had tried countless times in the last week to talk to his father, but Burhaan refused to explain himself. He merely told Zayyaan that it was his life and that he could do what he wanted.

Zayyaan wanted to spend his life with Asiyah but he didn't want her to give up one of her life's loves for another. 

"Heaven lies under the feet of your mother." Zayyaan stated. "I love you too much for you to give up on your mother. You only have one mother. I'll be damned if I take that away from you." His voice was strained, as if he was forcing himself to say those words. He knew that he couldn't take Asiyah away from the woman who bore her.

Asiyah's heart burned in pain. Tears flowed down her face, dripping onto the ground, denting it with anguish. She cried hard. She cried tears of blood. 

She continued to cry tears of absolute sorrow. Her heart felt like it had been ripped out of her chest, suffocating every fibre in her being. She didn't want to choose between the people she loved most. But so far, every sign urged her to obey her mother.

Why does life have to be so utterly unfair sometimes? Why do choices for happiness always have to bear the loss of an integral part of one's life? 

Perhaps humans are meant to hurt in this world, as this world is not meant to be perfect. Heaven is meant to be perfect. And if life in this world is perfect, what joy would Heaven bring us? Allah, in His infinite wisdom, created humans in this world to experience joy and pain. And He further consoles all those who believe that one shall attain eternal happiness on condition one completely submits to Him and obeys Him.

Zayyaan, too, cried in agony. His painful tears were too much for Asiyah to bear. She felt like she was dying.

Zayyaan felt that he was the reason for Asiyah's heartbreak. Had it not been for him, she wouldn't have been in this predicament.

He held onto her and repeatedly reminded her that he would always love her. She was his first and only love. Neither of them would ever find a love like the one they shared. For this love was a different kind of love. This love was the love that led one to sacrificing for the other. It was a love that was unparalleled. A love that was sought after by many, uncovered by some and treasured by the rare few who were blessed with it.

Eventually, the young couple realised that they had to part ways.

They held onto each other, as if it were their last moments on this earth. They gripped onto each other as if their lives depended on it. 

And when they finally broke apart, they both felt as if the entire earth shook. With that, the two lovers parted, their broken, bleeding hearts left in the others hand.

Chapter 13

Time surpassed Asiyah but she never did feel whole again. Her heart could never be mended. She went through life, taking each day as it came. She tried to limit any time that would lead her to begin thinking. The moment Zayyaan came to her mind, every fibre in her being would shatter into a million little pieces. 

Asiyah was merely a walking corpse. She forgot how to laugh, how to smile, how to be happy... Asiyah forgot how to live.

Anisa's household became like a mortuary. It was cold and lifeless. Anisa wanted to see her daughter smile again. She couldn't bear to see Asiyah in such a state.

Anisa thought that marriage might help fill up Asiyah's gaping hole in her heart. She had not realised that Asiyah's love for Zayyaan was not a teenage crush, it was pure love. A love that had completely consumed Asiyah and then discarded her like a dirty dish rag.

It is this type of love that is dangerous and frightening if it does not work out. It is the love that completely destroys a person, mentally and emotionally. It tears one apart into a million little shreds. It rips up every piece of desire and hope for life. 

But if this type of love works out, life becomes wonderful, a better place! It lights up every part of a person and its evidence lies within one's eyes. A person's entire outlook on life changes, for beauty is discovered in every aspect and every step of life. It is the love that completes one entirely, that mends even the most shattered of hearts. 

But unfortunately for Asiyah, she had lost this type of love. And so she became a shell of her former self.

The strenuous weeks turned into months. Asiyah threw herself into her studies. Her final year dawned upon her and Asiyah eagerly took on the challenges of the late night studies. 

Asiyah tried hard to ignore the pain that tore at her heart every night. She wanted to evade sleep, as sleep led her into the realms of darkness where the smithereens of her shattered heart lay. 

Every single minute was a painful experience for Asiyah. 

She cried to Allah everyday, begging Him to ease her pain. At times she felt that she could no longer go on. 

Her consolation lay in the fact that Allah tests those whom He loves. This was Asiyah's only salvation from falling into the depths of darkness. 

After graduating at the top of her class, Asiyah busied herself with attending Islamic classes and praying. She had wanted to become a registered counsellor but she was too broken to assist others in mending themselves.

The days passed Asiyah by. She was unaware of the happenings around her. She felt trapped within herself.

When her mother brought up the topic of marriage, Asiyah listened. 

So when a proposal came from Riyaad, a young man from a good family, Asiyah took her mother's advice. 

She knew that she would never fall in love again. She knew that she could never love anyone the way she loved Zayyaan. He was, after all, her one true love. So quite frankly, Asiyah gave up on love. Or the idea of falling in love again.

She sat on her prayer mat every night into the wee hours of the morning, begging Allah to help her get through life.

She sought Allah's counsel. She needed the guidance of the one who creates life. And sure enough, Allah guided her.

Asiyah accepted the proposal from Riyaad but she felt that her heart was shattering even more. She didn't think that her heart could take anymore. But if this was what was written out for her then she would accept it.

Riyaad was an average looking young man with dark hair. His chocolatey eyes were framed by thick lashes. He had a pleasant smile and a built frame. He was not too big, nor was he too small. 

She only accepted the proposal after begging Allah to guide her. She knew that her mother was ignorantly happy about it.

She would get married and have children, just what was expected of her. She would make her mother happy and she knew that deep down, Allah would reward her. 


Her heartache and suffering would not go in vain. She sacrificed her own happiness for the happiness of the woman who gave birth to her.

When Zayyaan heard of Asiyah's pending marriage, his heart broke too. He could only wish that he was the one marrying Asiyah. His love for her did not diminish. It couldn't. He prayed for her happiness, he didn't want her to suffer the way he was suffering. 

The time leading towards Asiyah's wedding sped by in a blur. Anisa planned everything and whenever she would ask Asiyah for her input, Asiyah would say that Anisa or Nuraan should decide. She was uninterested in her wedding. 

Nuraan tried to talk her sister out of it, she was worried about Asiyah. But when Asiyah told her that she had consulted the Lord of all counsellors before making this decision, Nuraan knew not to argue.

The day of Asiyah's wedding came. Alas, she was not a blushing bride. She was not a happy bride. She was a broken bride. A bride that was irreparable. A bride who was marrying one man but her heart lay in the hand of another. She didn't want it to be that way but the heart wants what it wants.

However, in contrast to the broken bride, the groom was ecstatic. He was marrying a woman full of grace and beauty. The same woman who had once been loose and immoral was now graceful and modest. If Allah wants honour for you, not even your past can change that.

Asiyah forced a smile onto her pretty face before she was due to meet her groom. Although she may have been a broken bride, she was a beautiful bride. 

Asiyah wore a beautiful, satin white gown. It was simple, yet elegant. Her hijab was pinned neatly around her head. As she stared at her reflection in the mirror, she barely recognised herself. Her eyes had lost its sparkle. Her face was blank, unreadable. 

She slowly descended the stairs. A happy bride would have a pounding heart. But her heart was completely shattered. It could no longer pound with nervousness nor excitement. 

She was a beautiful corpse. And for the first time in months, she told herself to pretend to express joy.

A wedding is usually the best day of a girls life. But for Asiyah, it was not. She was just fulfilling her duties and completing half her deen.

Her eyes met with her groom and she forced herself to smile. He broke into a happy grin and walked towards Asiyah. Asiyah tried to completely clear out her mind so that she could at least pretend to be a happy bride. 

Riyaad embraced Asiyah in a warm hug. The congratulations began and when Asiyah hugged her mother, she fought back her tears. 

Anisa was so happy for her daughter. She knew that eventually Asiyah would fall in love with Riyaad and that Zayyaan would be nothing more than an old memory. But Anisa was wrong, for she never completely understood the depth of Asiyah's love for Zayyaan.

The reception passed Asiyah in a slow blur. She barely remembered what she ate or who she had greeted. 

She just wanted the night to end so that she could stop pretending to be happy. Her face hurt from her forced smile but her heart hurt a million times worse.

She found herself wishing that life would just end. And when she realised what she was thinking, she reprimanded herself. This was what Allah had chosen for her and this is what she would accept. 

She did not experience her night of marital bliss. She was just there physically, but mentally she was far far away. 

She smiled for Riyaad. She made polite small talk. She answered his questions. She told him about herself. She tried. She really tried.


Chapter 14

Riyaad realised that his wife had lost a part of her long before she had met him. He did not know why, nor did he question why. Instead, he tried to make her happy, to make her smile.

At first, things were very awkward between the two. Asiyah always remained distant, in a land foreign to him. The sadness in her eyes never dimished. It was there to stay.

Although Riyaad started to feel despondent, he continued to persevere. At times, he knew he was second best. He never quite understood why, but he had the feeling that another man owned his wife's heart.

Soon after, Asiyah began warming up to her husband.  She knew that she could never love him the way she loved Zayyaan. But she would make a home with him. She would make it work. She would only concentrate on him. Asiyah decided that she would leave her past in the past, even though her heart felt like it couldn't bear to move on.

She buried all her beautiful memories with Zayyaan deep into her mind. It was locked away, for they were the treasured memories of a connected soul.

But memories have a strange way of presenting itself. Sometimes when one deters from a certain memory, that very memory haunts one. For memories that wish to be forgotten are the result of an unsettled mind.

Riyaad was usually good to her. He was a loving, devoted husband. At times, he would lose his temper with Asiyah. After all, he was a mere mortal. And when he would get upset, Asiyah would try harder with him. He too tried his best to see the pretty smile between his wifes anguished looks. 

And so, Asiyah tried as hard as she could to be the best wife she could be. She cleaned the house and prepared warm meals for her tired husband. But at times, her actions were robotic. She was just doing what society expected of her. Although her bleeding heart ran dry, she continued to try.

As Asiyah and Riyaad spent more time together, Asiyah found that she could befriend her husband. He was a great listener and advisor. She loved the way he made her laugh when she felt down and made her smile at random times.

Riyaad realised that Asiyah was no longer the unhappy woman he married. Although he almost always caught her crying her heart out on her prayer mat, he didnt question it. Those moments were special moments between Asiyah and Allah. And it was during those moments that Asiyah would beg Allah to help her get through her life. It was during those moments that Asiyah felt completely broken. It was during those moments that she clutched onto her shattered heart, tears streaming down her cheeks, speaking to her Lord. For it is only Allah that can mend the hearts of the broken and weak.

There were times Asiyah would completely blank out and seem to be living during a different time. Riyaad pretended not to notice how Asiyah would completely shut down from the world, murmuring indecipherable words. In these moments, Asiyah felt that she was transported to a time when her heart was filled with joy.

But Riyaad had a good heart. He had promised to love this woman the day he married her and that's what he would do. Although he felt it to be a challenge, he did not give up.

Riyaad accepted that he may never be able to fill the void in his wife's heart but he felt that he could perhaps create a new space in her heart- or what was left in her heart- for him.

And so she did. Although she never quite fell in love with him, she did start to love him, for he became her best friend. He was easy to talk to and easy to get along with.

After a year of marriage, the two had the type of friendship many people don't get to experience. It was a special bond that is very rare among friends. It was the type of friendship that only occurs in lifelong friendships. 

It was then that Asiyah realised that she really did want to love her husband. She wanted her heart to mend so that she could love him, and only him, with her whole heart. She wanted to fall in love with him. But she just couldn't. 



No matter how great things were between the two, Asiyah would suddenly experience the haunting memories of her past. The memories she once cherished were the same memories that prevented her from healing. Her heart could simply not let go of her love for Zayyaan just as her mind could simply not let go of all the memories she shared with him.

When the couple went on couple retreats, Asiyah would often wonder how it would have been had it been Zayyaan that she had married. When the two settled into bed after a long day, she would wonder what it would have felt like if Zayyaan was the man she fell asleep with. But when these thoughts surfaced, Asiyah would reroute her mind to the present.

If this was Allah's test, she could not fail it. She continuously reminded herself that Allah was testing her; that was the only solace during her darkest moments. She knew that Allah only tests as much as one can bear. And if Allah sent these tests her way, certainly she could bear it.

Asiyah never found the courage to tell Riyaad about her first love. It was her little secret. But it didn't stay a secret for long. Asiyah knew that Riyaad would eventually figure it out and that was fine with her. She couldn't open up wounds by speaking about it.

Riyaad briefly heard about Zayyaan during a family gathering. No one really went into detail about Zayyaan, but Riyaad eventually figured it out. After persuading a reluctant Nuraan, Riyaad eventually found out about the depth of Asiyah's love for Zayyaan.

Riyaad wanted to let Asiyah out of her misery. He wanted Asiyah to be with her one true love. He wanted Asiyah to be truly happy. He knew that even if Asiyah would be with the one she was in love with, she would still be his best friend because a friendship like theirs was a once in a lifetime kind of friendship.

It was then when Riyaad decided to discuss divorce with Asiyah. 

Riyaad came home that day, ready to have a long, overdue conversation with the woman he had fallen in love with. As he entered the house, the aroma of a delicious meal wafted through his nose. Riyaad closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He would miss the comforting moments like this. 

Asiyah ran up to him and excitedly shook him out of his reverie. 

"Riyaad! Riyaad!" She exclaimed breathlessly.

Riyaad was pleasantly surprised to see that his wife was so excited. Before he could tell her that they needed to talk, Asiyah started to speak

What she told him next would not only change his mind but change his life too.

Another stained soul - Halima Ahmed

Chapter 15

"I'm pregnant!" Asiyah exclaimed again. "Say something! Aren't you excited?"

Riyaad shook himself again to make sure he was not dreaming. And surely, he was awake.

When Asiyah had found out that she was pregnant, a million emotions ran through her. Even though she was extremely happy, a part of her wondered how much happier she would have been if she had been with Zayyaan. But she had to stop thinking that way. Riyaad was her husband and the soon to be father of her unborn child.

And when she thought about the little life growing within her, her shattered heart pieced itself together and bubbled with joy.

Riyaad broke out into a smile and hugged Asiyah hard. He was truly ecstatic. Words failed him, his heart wanted to jump straight out of his chest.

This was a sign. When he wanted to set his wife free, this child binded him to her. He could not ask her to walk away now. He knew he was being selfish but he couldn't help it.

It was the first time Riyaad was thinking about himself. He wanted to be a part of this child's life. He wanted this child to be a part of a loving family. It was the child's happiness he yearned for yet he thought that he was being selfish.

Riyaad finally found his voice. "Alhamdullillah! Alhamdullillah! I am so excited!"

"I wanted to wait until we ate supper but I was bursting with the news!" Asiyah's smile was a smile Riyaad had never seen before. It was the smile that had been reserved for ultimate happiness. It was the smile she had last smiled when she was with Zayyaan.

Riyaad's heart dropped slightly. He had never been the reason for that smile on Asiyah's face and he probably never would. He felt somewhat frustrated. How could he ever win the heart of the woman he married?

From that moment on, Riyaad barely allowed Asiyah to lift a spoon, he tended to her every need and treated her as his queen. Asiyah's heart still yearned for Zayyaan but she praised her Lord for sending her someone who truly loved her even though she didn't love him the way he wanted to be loved.

Riyaad was her blessing. A true blessing in her life

As Riyaad was not a hafidh, Asiyah would listen to recordings of the recitation of the holy quraan for herself and her baby. And one day as she sifted through all her quraan recitation cds, she picked one at random. The voice that emanated from the speakers threw her off guard. She felt strangulated. The beautiful voice flowed through her veins, paralysing her and taking her back to a time when life was uncomplicated. She struggled to breathe.

It was Zayyaan's voice. His perfect voice wafted into the air around her. As painful as it was to hear his beautiful voice, it was somewhat soothing. Her mind wandered to the day she begged Zayyaan for a recording of his recitations. He had been shy and reluctant to share it with her but he could not say no. So eventually, he had made her a mixed cd with all of her favourite reciters from all over the world and included some of his recitations.

When Riyaad walked into the house and heard the beautiful voice, he too was fascinated. The voice was so beautiful, so relaxing.  

He saw Asiyah wiping the tears from her face and smiled. She had become an emotional wreck ever since she fallen pregnant. But when he looked closer, he noticed that there was a sadness in her eyes.

He went up to her, asking her if anything was wrong. She simply shook her head.

He wondered why Asiyah was being so strange. And that's when he realised that it was probably Zayyaan's voice. He recalled Nuraan telling him how Asiyah had met Zayyaan and how his voice had struck the chords of her heart.

He couldn't blame Asiyah for falling in love with this voice. It was so incredibly beautiful that it was capable of capturing even the hardest of hearts.

When the recitation was over, he switched it off and led Asiyah back to the room. As he steered her towards the bed, she told him that she still needed to pray. She performed ablution and resorted to her prayer mat. 

Riyaad watched her as she completed her compulsory prayers and raised her hands to Allah. Tears streamed down her face and his heart went out to her. He wished that he could take away her pain, it was too heart wrenching to watch. But he hoped that this baby would fill her up with all the joy she lacked.

When Asiyah finally got into bed, Riyaad held her tight. He whispered sweet nothings into her ear as she dozed off into a peaceful slumber. He stared at his beautiful wife, overwhelmed by her beauty. She looked so peaceful in her sleep. No one would ever know that her eyes held pain if they saw her now.

The months progressed at a painfully slow rate for Asiyah. Her morning sickness would leave her camped out in the bathroom and her cravings escalated.

She would barely wake up from a peaceful sleep before she felt tired again. 

There were times when Riyaad got frustrated with her mood swings but he remained silent. She was going through this for their baby and he would be eternally grateful to her for going through the process that would make him a father. He would make a point in being more pragmatic.

Her belly grew slowly and steadily. Asiyah glowed from within, her pregnancy highlighting her beautiful features. 

Fortunately, she didn't gain much weight. Apart from the growing bump on her stomach, she still looked pretty much the same.

As time went on, Asiyah smiled more often than usual. She was giddy and excited. Her relationship with Riyaad improved. Her smiles were contagious and it was hard not to smile when her excitement would light up the room. Her family felt at ease as they saw a glimmer of the cheerful Asiyah they had once known.

But there were times when her heart wrenching sobs would ripple through her body as she sat on her prayer mat.

Weeks progressed into months. Asiyah's protruding belly made her wobble when she walked. Riyaad couldn't help but laugh at her cute actions which would make Asiyah mad. As Asiyah would throw a hormone induced tantrum, Riyaad would double over in laughter. Eventually Asiyah would laugh with her best friend. These were the moments that were most beautiful for the strained couple.

The two appeared to be a happy, cute couple to onlookers but no one knew just how hard they were working on their marriage. With a baby on the way, Asiyah was determined to be happy and raise her baby in a loving household. She knew that holding onto her past would just make her bitter and unhappy.

And although her past didn't quite disappear from her mind nor her heart, she made a point to focus solely on her present. 

She never did listen to Zayyaan's quraanic recitations again because she felt that she was too weak to listen to his recordings. Instead, she listened to her favourite reciters in blissful silence. 

Asiyah eventually got used to her new form. But Riyaad felt overprotective over Asiyah. To him, she was delicate and fragile and even the slightest thud would send him rushing to her side to make sure she was fine. Asiyah would tease him good naturedly, reminding him that she was perfectly capable of completing everyday tasks without having him watch over her.

She was six months pregnant when she and Riyaad were on their way back from a family function. Asiyah was excitedly chatting away to her husband about baby shopping. Neither one of the pair wanted to know the child's gender and so they opted for a surprise.

It was in that fateful moment that everything changed.

Asiyah saw the beaming headlights heading towards them.

"Riyaad?" She asked cautiously. "Is that car not in the wrong lane?" 

Riyaad squinted. "I don't know, honey. It's hard to see on this road. It's too dark."

Asiyah continued to stare at the headlights just as Riyaad said, "I think you're right -"

Before he could complete his sentence, there was a sudden surge of movement and a deafening blast as a car rammed straight into them.

Asiyah let out a bloodcurdling scream and reached out for Riyaad. The car spun out of control, making Asiyah dizzy. She knew that they were involved in an accident but her mind couldn't quite comprehend it. 

No, this couldn't be happening. Not when Asiyah was finally on her path towards happiness. Not when Asiyah planned a bright future for her baby and her husband.

But we plan, and Allah also plans. Surely, Allah is the best of planners. And Allah knows what is best for every living being on this planet. Allah knows what each person needs. And Allah tests those whom He chooses to test. He is the knower of everything, the All Wise, the Lord of all the World's, the protector of hearts, the giver and taker of life. 

All she could see was blood. Before she could figure out whose blood it was, everything went black.

Chapter 16

Asiyah had been unconscious for three days before she began responding. Her leg and her arm had been broken and she had many other fractures. She was severely bruised and battered.

She stirred groggily as the light came into focus. As her eyes adjusted to the bright light, she tried to get up, wondering where she was. A pain shot through her and she grimaced. Suddenly everything came back to her. They had met up in an accident. Her hand immediately flew to her tummy, she needed to know if her baby was safe. All she could think about was the little life that had claimed a welcomed residence in her womb.

"You're awake!" Anisa exclaimed, delightedly. "Oh baby, I was so worried about you!" Her mother gently took hold of her hand. Asiyah looked at Anisa and frowned.

"My baby?" She barely whispered. She could no longer feel the firm bump on her tummy but she was hoping the doctors had saved the little life. There is no way her baby could have died. She vaguely recalled trying to shield her stomach with both hands as the car spun out of control. 

Anisa just shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. 

The look on Anisa's face said enough but Asiyah still had hope. Maybe the doctors got the little baby out in time, maybe her stomach didn't feel firm due to the after effects of the accident, maybe she was dreaming. 

But she knew she was not dreaming. Every part of her body ached. Dark purple bruises decorated her arm and her mouth felt dry. Dreams could never be this vivid.

"Let me call the doctor." Anisa said as she averted her eyes. 

Asiyah turned to Nuraan questioningly. Nuraan approached her sister, ignoring her earlier question and planted a kiss on her sister's cheek. But the look on Nuraan's face said enough.

Asiyah was about to demand answers from her sister when the doctor walked in. 

And when he relayed the developments of her life, Asiyah's already broken soul exploded. 

She almost began questioning her Lord but stopped herself before those stained thoughts could make their way through her mind. Allah's will can never be questioned or challenged. Allah's decree was final. And everything that Allah puts anyone through is only in His knowledge.

Her baby was dead. She was meant to give birth to a little girl. A little princess. But the little being was no more. 

The little angel would meet her Creator before meeting her mother. The little life had been saved from breathing the evil air that contaminates this earth. Asiyah's little baby was in a better place. A place that held perfection and eternal happiness. A place that a human's mind can never possibly fathom.

But Asiyah failed to realise this immediately. The death of her unborn child shook her entire existence. She felt irreparable and broken beyond measure.

Asiyah then asked about her husband, her best friend. She wondered if he too felt the way she did after he heard about the death of their child. Perhaps the two could find comfort in one another as they grieved together.

But Riyaad lay unconscious with a broken spine. If he ever did wake up, he would be paralysed forever. 

When Asiyah was notified about this, her painful cries shattered the heart of every human who could hear her. 

She had had a broken heart for so long and when it finally felt remotely mended, it broke even further. She wondered if she could take any more. 

She wanted her life to end. She couldn't live in this hell hole anymore. Was she still being punished for her sinful past? Life was so cruel to her. Her life had barely encompassed any happiness. 

But then she remembered Allah. And with an aching heart, she turned to her Lord in prayer. She wanted the pain to stop. She needed the pain to stop. 

She begged Allah to ease the emotional and physical pain that she continually endured. She could no longer handle the life of this earth. She begged Allah for His consolation. She needed her Lord to envelop her in the contentment that her entire being yearned. 


Ever since the death of her father, Asiyah's life had been an emotional roller coaster. A roller coaster that had flung her into its tracks as it passed over her, hurting her and destroying her.

Her baby was no more and her best friend was not waking up. Even if he did, he would forever be incapable of walking again.

She found out that it was a drunk driver who had crashed into them. The drunk driver was a middle aged woman who had had one too many drinks. The very woman who had destroyed Asiyah's life was left almost unscathed. 

Asiyah thought back to the one time she drove in a drunken state, carelessly manoeuvring her car, oblivious to the lives that were in danger around her. She hated the person she had been. If she had destroyed someone's life, would she be able to live with herself. She thought about the woman that had caused the accident. Would she be able to live with herself?

As the days became weeks, Asiyah slowly recovered. She was allowed to see her husband who seemed to be so tranquil in his peaceful sleep. Did he know that he lost his daughter? Did he know that he would always be paralysed? 

Asiyah hurt for her husband. He was unaware to the course his life had taken in a single moment.

Asiyah was discharged from the hospital after two weeks. She felt scared, how could she go to an empty home? 

But Anisa would not let that happen. "Asiyah, you can't stay at home alone. Come stay with us in the mean time."

Asiyah considered her mother's offer. What if Riyaad never woke up? Would she stay in her mother's house? 

Eventually she agreed. It was hard though. Asiyah began having incessant nightmares, reliving the night of the accident. She would wake up screaming and shivering, her body covered in glistening beads of sweat. 

Asiyah's prayers became more intense as she watched time lapse. She prayed for her husband to wake up. She needed her best friend now. She prayed for her own broken heart. She prayed to feel whole again, even though she thought that it would be impossible.

How could a woman go through so much in twenty two years? Once again, the young girl tried hard not to question her Creator. The pain in her heart was stronger than the physical pain of the accident.

Asiyah felt lost. Her mother and sister continued to spend every waking moment with her. They tried to constantly console the broken girl but her heart was beyond repair.

It was Nuraan that lectured Asiyah into accepting Allah's will wholeheartedly. At first, Asiyah became frustrated with her sister. How could Nuraan understand the broken heart of an already broken girl? How could she possibly understand the loss of a child? The unsurety of not knowing the fate of her husband? Nuraan did not understand and Asiyah wished that she would stop telling her that it would be okay. It wouldn't ever be okay.

But Nuraan did not give up. She continued to console her sister and remind her of Allah's will. 

And with Nuraan's constant reminders, Asiyah finally accepted the fate of her baby. 

She accepted that Allah had taken back her child before she could ever be exposed to this cruel world. Allah saved her baby from the evil of this world. Allah had protected her little baby from ever experiencing a broken heart or the trials of this world. Allah saved the little soul from ever committing sins. And Allah saved Asiyah and Riyaad too. After all, the loss of a child is the parents ticket to paradise.

She had to remind herself to bear her heartache and loss with patience. She could not wait for the day that she could hold her little girl in her arms as she would be led into jannah In-Sha-Allah.

But even though Asiyah tried hard to remind herself of Allah's will, she was human after all. 

And on the day that Asiyah felt like giving up hope, the doctor called her to immediately come to the hospital. Asiyah rushed with her family to the hospital, expecting to hear dreaded news.

Asiyah could barely think. There was so much she still needed to tell Riyaad. She wanted to apologise for being a terrible wife.


All she could do was pray for the best.

And she received some good news.

Riyaad was waking up.

Asiyah sighed in relief. It felt as though she had been holding her breath ever since she found out that Riyaad might never wake up. 

But as fate would have it, he was not conscious for a very long time. 

When his eyes met Asiyah's, he smiled. Asiyah wanted to return the smile but she couldn't. She was too overwhelmed. When she hugged the weak man, tears burst from her soul and made its way to her eyes.

He couldn't remember how he landed up in hospital so Asiyah took the painful task of filling him in on the details of the accident.

But when she told him about the loss of their little girl, his shattered cries pierced Asiyah. He had been looking so forward to the bundle of joy, only for it to be snatched from his close grasp.

But he completely understood Allah's will and he too explained the loss of their child to Asiyah who had finally accepted it.

He held onto Asiyah telling her that he always loved her. That she was his everything and that he knew that he never was her everything. He told her how he always yearned for her happiness. He wanted her to be happy even if it was not with him. He told her that her friendship was the best friendship that he had ever experienced. 

And as he said "I love you, Asiyah. Be happy." She could see the strength draining from him. She could make out the way his lips formed the words submitting to the oneness of God. She could see the last bit of life slowly dissipate and at that moment, she knew. Her best friend was returning to his Creator.


Chapter 17

Asiyah had lost a lot in a matter of months. She lost her baby and her husband. She didn't know if she had the strength to move on. 

She sunk into the depths of depression, and with so much of heartache, she felt as though she was moving away from her Lord. She didn't want to distance herself from her Iman but sadness had engulfed every part of her.

There were days when she would refuse to get out of bed. She felt mentally drained. She could not seem to recreate even the slightest zest for life. 

And so Asiyah fell even deeper into a vortex of depression. Her prayers became half hearted. She knew that she needed to turn to Allah completely, but she felt so weak. She felt that she just needed a sign that she would be okay eventually. 

Nuraan could not stand to see her sister's faith falter. Once again, she urged her sister to pray to her Lord for her heart's ease.

It was then when Asiyah listlessly picked up a quraan with the English translation. She opened it up and her eyes fell upon the verse, "Verily, after hardship comes ease."

She stared at the verse for a long time, contemplating the beautiful words that had hit her in a million different ways the moment her eyes fell upon it. 

Asiyah knew that Allah would never forsake her. She had suffered a lot of hardship in the last few years. Surely, there would be ease too.

But sometimes, the biggest flaw of a human is the lack of faith. A promise made by the Lord of all the Worlds is the highest form of a promise. And such a promise will never be unfulfilled.

And so, she turned to her Lord even when she wanted to give up hope. She reminded herself that only Allah would ease her shattered heart.

Her initial mistake was losing herself in her love for Zayyaan. She realised that she had never truly accepted her fate. After the death of her baby and Riyaad, she started to realise that everything is in Allah's hands. And everything that happens is in the best of His knowledge. A knowledge that the human mind can never fully comprehend.

After four years, she accepted that she was not meant to be with Zayyaan.  And although her heart still yearned for him, she completely submitted to the will of her Creator. For Allah is the All Knowing. It is only in His wisdom that events pan out the way they do. We, as humans, may never understand the reason for certain occurrences. And rightfully so, as we are merely humans. Our understanding of life and all that it encompasses is minimal.

Although Asiyah tried to be strong and had accepted all the turns her life had taken, her heart was still shattered. Sometimes she could barely fathom ever being truly happy again. She forgot what it was like to laugh. She forgot what it was like to be carefree. She forgot how to live.

But she didn't stop praying, for prayers can move mountains.

One day when she held her bleeding, broken heart and cried on her prayer mat, her mother watched her. Anisa stared at her shaking daughter and sighed. Maybe it was time that she told her the reason she did not accept Zayyaan. Maybe her daughter could do with the closure. Maybe Asiyah needed to know the reason her mother forbade her from marrying the man she truly loved. Or maybe Anisa would be reopening old wounds. She walked away, pondering. Would the truth help her daughter in healing? Or would it make things worse?

Asiyah continued to cry to her Lord, holding her hands up, pleading, begging. She needed her heart to be healed. This heart that had initially completely turned away from Allah but had then returned. This heart that had been broken and shattered. This heart that had bled a million deaths. This heart that she could no longer handle. This heart that had broken and pieced itself together. This heart that sometimes felt too weak.

She continued to pray, be it minutes or hours, Asiyah didn't care. She needed to pray. Prayer was her solace, her only solace. Eventually she fell off to sleep, somewhere between her strangled sobs and intense pleas.


And when she woke up, she felt better. She felt renewed. She felt refreshed. Allah had answered her prayers. She could feel that she would be able to heal. The strange, simple dream had eased some of the pain in her heart. Only time would ease all the pain her heart endured.

Asiyah had dreamt about a little girl, her little girl. The sweet baby had been playing in a beautiful garden, decorated by extraordinary flowers and clear rivers. The tiny, sweet angel stared at her and addressed her as 'mother'. Asiyah's heart had leaped at the sound of that word.

She had recognised those light brown, large eyes. They were her very own. This was her little baby. The child walked up to her and put her tiny, soft hand over Asiyah's heart. She began to speak and her words brought comfort to her mother.

She told Asiyah that Allah will heal her heart and that she should not give up. She said that she would meet her mother one day, albeit in another world, in the after life. She mentioned that she was in a place far better than any mind could possibly imagine. A place that no human eye has ever seen. A place where there was no pain, heartache or sadness. A place that was the epitome of perfection. But the type of perfection not even the mind can fathom.

She told her mother to move on, it will get better. And then she mentioned that 'daddy' - Riyaad - would also want Asiyah to be happy.

And then the little girl held her mother's hand and led her to the clear stream. When Asiyah looked into the water, she saw a smiling Riyaad. He started to speak, telling her that Allah would heal her and that she needed to move on.

As his image disappeared from the stream, Asiyah turned back to her smiling daughter. The little girl leaped into her mother's arms, squealing in pure joy.

So when Asiyah awoke with a content smile on her face from this vivid dream, her heart no longer bled as much. It felt like it would start to mend. And if fate never allowed Zayyaan to be in her life, so be it. She could no longer mourn over a man she could not be with. She had wasted all that precious time with Riyaad and she would not allow herself to do that again. She had finally wholeheartedly accepted her fate. And she would continue to accept whatever life had in store for her, whatever Allah willed.

She promised herself that she would try for the sake of the child she had lost and the husband she had lost to finally try to live.

Little did she know, that indeed, she would live. Truly live.

Asiyah would find her happiness. Every obstacle that had presented itself in Asiyah's path had been a test on her faith. There was a reason for all the pain the young girl's heart had been through. A reason for all her sadness. 

Sometimes, one has to remember that Allah gives and Allah takes. Everything, everything belongs to Allah. Every living thing will return to Him. The entire universe and all that it contains belong to Allah.

Allah knows that which is best. He is the most merciful, most compassionate. And when his servants hurt, he will never forsake them. He tests His servants, He tests ones faith. 

He heals hearts after pain. He brings joy after sadness. He brings smiles after frowns. After all, he is the protector of hearts.

Verily, after hardship comes ease.


Chapter 18

As Asiyah's iddat period passed, some days she felt as though she was suffocating whilst trailing down a morbid hole and other days she felt light and content. It was an emotional hurricane that tore through her very being but with her family's support, she got through it.

Sometimes Asiyah felt that she needed to be left alone and sometimes she felt that she needed the company of her family. 

Asiyah had lost a tremendous amount of weight. She resembled a skeleton, but who could blame her? Heartache, worry, stress and pain had made her that way. She tried to eat, only to keep herself from fainting but she couldn't truly enjoy her meals. So Asiyah resorted to fasting, attempting to concentrate on her spirituality and gaining closeness to her Lord.

Anisa felt better seeing her daughter get better. But her guilt of never opening up to Asiyah about her relationship with Zayyaan washed over her often. She felt that she needed to tell her daughter but she could never quite find the courage to.

On one chilly evening, Asiyah sat in front of the heater, cocooned in a blanket whilst reading the stories of the prophets. Anisa watched her daughter as she turned the pages, completely engrossed in the words. Her daughter smiled during some moments and wiped the trickling tears that fell off her face during other moments. Anisa's heart soared.

She felt truly blessed to have a daughter who continued to try and who continued to work on her faith. The sincerity in Asiyah's eyes was always one of Anisa's favourite traits about her daughter. Her heart went out to Asiyah. She had suffered so much in a few short years, yet she showed a special kind of strength. Anisa was in awe of her daughter.

Eventually Asiyah looked up from her book and caught her mother's eye.

"What's wrong mum?" Asiyah asked, concern etched in her voice as she noticed the tears brimming in her mother's eyes.

Anisa was startled out of her thoughts. "What?" She asked, wiping the tears that had spilled out of her eyes. 

Asiyah closed her book and gave her mother her undivided attention. "Is something the matter?" 

Anisa smiled. "Oh no, honey. I was just thinking."

"Anything you want to talk about?" Asiyah asked as she shrugged off the blanket which hugged her.

"No baby. You just amaze me." Anisa opened her arms, inviting Asiyah into an embrace. 

Asiyah rushed into her mother's arms and hugged her tight. Her mother's arms were always a comfort for Asiyah. During her days of ignorance, Asiyah had rarely showed her mother any affection and she hadn't realised it at that point, but she had needed her mother's comforting hugs.

Sometimes, all one needs is a hug from one's mother and everything falls into place again. A mother's hug is so wonderfully pure, so completely calming, so wonderfully amazing. It is a shame that one disrespects the woman who has comfort in her arms. It is a shame when one disposes of one's mother. For some, a mother is an imaginary novelty. For some, a mothers presence is yearned. For some, a mother is so desperately needed but out of reach. 

This is the woman who is so fragile, yet she can bear any type of pain to protect her children. Such a woman, created by Allah for humans to find comfort and peace.

The human mind can sometimes be deficient. A mother becomes a burden for the unfortunate ones who do not realise that Allah has elevated this woman to such a position, that heaven lies under her feet.

As Asiyah and Anisa embraced, Asiyah couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to hug her own daughter. She smiled sadly into her mother's shoulder. 

When she pulled away from her mother, she masked her face with nonchalance. She didn't want to show her mother just how much her heart was hurting at that particular moment. But she knew that she would be okay, for Allah was by her side.






After Asiyah's iddat period had passed, Asiyah began to attend Islamic classes again. She wanted to concentrate on counselling troubled teens but she didn't feel quite ready. She needed to be completely healed before helping others in their healing process.

It was hard at first. There were times that she just wanted to give up on life. She sometimes felt that she was too weak to carry on. 

Moments like those would lead Asiyah to her prayer mat. She knew that eventually her heart would heal. She maintained full faith in her Lord, knowing that even the most shattered of hearts could be renewed again.

She knew that Allah would never forsake her. She knew that Allah would mend her. After all, Allah promises to accept the sincere prayers of His creation.

But she had to be patient. 

Asiyah began to don the abaya. The woman who had once flashed her body to random men, was now modestly covered. She wanted to don the niqab as well but she needed time.

She tried tending to her weakening stepfather who had been recovering from a hip operation. Saeed had been supportive throughout Asiyah's iddat period. She felt ashamed that she had completely ignored him when he initially entered her mother's life. And although she had barely communicated with him in those few years, he wholeheartedly welcomed her with open arms.

Asiyah began cooking and tending to the household needs so that her mother could relax or look after Saeed. Nuraan often accompanied Asiyah in the kitchen after returning from classes.

The two sisters would spend a lot of their free time together. It was beautiful to watch the way they bonded. 

But Asiyah missed having someone to talk to late at night when the world was asleep. She missed the companionship she had taken for granted but had become accustomed to. She missed Riyaad.

When Anisa realised that her twenty three year old daughter needed companionship, she voiced her thoughts to Asiyah by suggesting marriage. And although Asiyah missed it, she flat out refused. She didn't think that she would ever love someone the way she loved Zayyaan and she didn't think that she could ever have the type of relationship she shared with Riyaad. 

She didn't want to try to fall in love again; or try to live with another man again. She felt that she had had her fair share of love and friendship. Asiyah felt content with what she did have. She had a loving family and a healing heart. And it was only through Allah's will that she began feeling okay again. 

She didn't need the happiness of this world when the happiness of Jannah awaited her. She didn't need the luxuries of this world when the luxuries of Jannah called out her name. But as Allah promises in the holy quraan, "Verily, after hardship comes ease." 

Anisa knew that eventually she would have to tell her daughter about the reason she did not want her to marry Zayyaan. She knew that it might bring closure to Asiyah. But she was too ashamed. For the reasons were too shameful, too disturbing.   

Anisa wanted her daughter to be happy. She wanted her daughter to find true love. She knew that she had prevented her daughter from being with the man she truly loved. She often hated herself for it. She spent countless nights crying for her daughter's happiness.

And when Asiyah smiled, Anisa's heart would soar in joy. That's what she wanted to see in her daughter, happiness and contentment.

Asiyah decided to go to the mall for some necessities. The place she had once adored, she now despised. If she didn't need things urgently, she wouldn't have gone to the mall.

As Asiyah walked in the crowded shopping mall, she saw him. Her mending heart flapped all over the place.

He was walking with a beautiful woman, his gaze trained to the ground.

And when he looked up, he saw her. Their eyes locked and every single feeling that the two had ever shared, resurfaced.

There was Zayyaan. Her Zayyaan. Her one true love. But he was with another woman.


Chapter 19

Asiyah felt as if her heart had been ripped out again. She had thought that she was finally moving on, her broken heart almost mended. And then she had to see Zayyaan. That too, with another woman. 

Zayyaan had spent the last few years of his life quiet and withdrawn. He couldn't quite seem to get over Asiyah. He went through life, following routine. He concentrated on work most of the time. The rest of his time he spent with his parents or in the masjid. He rarely went anywhere. He knew that he had been spiralling into depression so he had turned to Allah.

He prayed for Asiyah's happiness, that was what was most important to him. Then he would pray for his own broken heart. He just needed to get through this life. After all, a better life awaits for the believers. His solace rested in his firm credence for a happy after life.

When his parents had suggested to him that he settle down, he grudgingly agreed.

He didn't want to spend his life with anyone but Asiyah. But the last time he had heard about Asiyah, she was getting married. For all he knew, she could have had a happy little family. And he would be damned if he ever got in the way of her happiness.

He always knew that he could never completely get over Asiyah, his sore heart would not allow him to. And so, he accepted that he could never be with the one he wanted to be with. After all, if it was Allah's will for him to be with someone else, he could never question it.

He went to see the girl his parents had picked out. She had been an old family friend when Zayyaan was younger. 

He vaguely remembered the quiet girl from his childhood. So when he met her after twenty years, she seemed to be the same decent, quiet and reserved girl he got along with when he was a child.

Initially he refused to marry her. He didn't feel quite right about it. And he could not bear to put someone through a marriage where his heart remained with another. He didn't want a woman to be committed to him if he could never commit his heart fully to her.

After much persuasion from his parents, he agreed to marry her, against his better judgement.

After the two families set a date, Dilshaad, his fiancée, had insisted that they meet up often in order to get to know each other. 

Zayyaan initially declined. He didn't want to involve himself in unnecessary communication until after their nikaah. But it was just as well that he did. He found out her true colours. At least he knew what to expect now. He couldn't exactly break her heart by breaking off the marriage after finding out her unfavourable ways. He was too soft to hurt her or his parents.

Dilshaad was a demanding, stubborn woman who was loud and appeared to be openly flirtatious 

Zayyaan believed that with sincere dua, Dilshaad would change. He knew that if she gained closeness to her Lord, she would be an amazing woman. He didn't want to change her except when it came to religion.

After all, Dilshaad was strikingly beautiful. She had flawless, milky skin, bright blue eyes and light brown hair. Her looks demanded the attention of every passerby. She donned herself in clothing that accentuated every curve. 

When his phone rang early that morning, he picked up knowing that it was Dilshaad.

"Hey babe!" A chirpy voice greeted. 

"Assalaamualaykum." Zayyaan greeted.

Dilshaad ignored his greeting. "What are you doing today?"

"Nothing much." Zayyaan answered "Why?" He asked cautiously. 

"Well, I need a ring remember? And I don't want something ugly so I'll have to pick it out. Anyway, let's go today."

Zayyaan was reluctant. He tried to think of an excuse. "Ummmm, today?" He asked.

"Yes! You already said you're doing nothing today so get ready. I'll be waiting for you to pick me up." Dilshaad said.

"Dilshaad-" Zayyaan began but she cut him off before he could disagree.

"Okay, I need to get ready now. We're going to the mall. See you soon!"

"Asslaam-" Zayyaan tried to greet her but she had already hung up. Zayyaan sighed.

He didn't want to go to the mall, he didn't really enjoy it but he grudgingly began to get ready.

He just wanted to stay at home and wallow in his own thoughts. He knew that his thoughts were sometimes a dangerous place to be, but today he felt that he needed it. He needed the safe parts of his mind to bring him a sense of comfort.

But Dilshaad had already given him her orders without giving him much of a choice.

It was on that day that he saw her again. He was walking along with Dilshaad at his side, as she chatted away. His eyes were trained to the ground. He tried to concentrate on what Dilshaad was saying but he couldn't quite follow her choice of topics. She was talking about some sort of clothing item, when he looked up. 

And there she was, staring at him as if she had seen a ghost. Her eyes bore straight into him, startling every part of his being. The sparkle in her eye had been replaced by some sort of pain.

Dilshaad had not noticed the little ordeal. She was too caught up in her own world.

Asiyah hadn't changed. Her beauty appeared to be untouched. In fact, she was more beautiful, if that was even possible. The only thing different about her was the look in her eyes. 

Zayyaan's heart dropped. He hoped that it wasn't pain that he noticed. He wanted her to be happy but she didn't seem happy.

Their gazes connected and he felt every feeling he had tried to suppress,  resurface. 

Asiyah stared at him for a few seconds but it had felt like a whole lifetime.

His heart said her name over and over again. He thought that he was dreaming but the sense of reality was too strong.

There was his beautiful Asiyah. The only woman he had ever loved. But when her eyes fell upon Dilshaad, she looked away and hurriedly disappeared into the crowds.


Chapter 20

Asiyah stumbled through the crowd, blinded by her own tears. She had been ready to let go of Zayyaan and all of her memories with him. In fact, she had accepted the course of her life. She had planned to move on but fate had planned otherwise. A single look into his face prevented her from forgetting him. All it took was that one look between the two that resulted in a flood of memories that had been stored in the back of her mind.

Asiyah clutched her heart, too pained to move on. She fell to the ground in the quiet parking lot. She could no longer go on. She felt that she no longer had the strength. 

Just when she thought that everything was fine again, her world had to fall apart.

She was too tired to keep on experiencing pain. It was a series of heartbreak and heartache. She couldn't handle it anymore.

It is strange how life pans out. Sometimes one feels as if everything is going all right, they feel almost invincible and then suddenly, things take a turn for the worst.

Sometimes when it rains, it pours. And one experiences test after test. The only reason one goes through so much is beyond the knowledge of a mere mortal. It is only in Allah's knowledge. Perhaps one faces trials in order to gain closeness to Allah. Likewise, perhaps one experiences happiness in order to gain closeness to Allah. 

Whilst happiness may be a blessing, it may also be a curse. A blessing, if one attains Allah's pleasure and endeavours to gain closeness to Allah. And a curse, if one becomes so engrossed in happiness that one forgets Allah and distances oneself from Allah.

How beautiful is the religion that tests one's faith? That ensures perseverance of one's faith? That encourages remembrance of the Lord in every aspect? That reminds one of the Creator through the creation? Oh! How beautiful!

Asiyah sat there for what could have been minutes or hours, oblivious to the stares from curious onlookers. She gasped for air as tears drenched her face and cascaded onto her hijab.

The drops of water leaving her eyes finally began to cease. 

She gathered herself and fixed her messy hijab. And as she stood up, there he was.

She shook her head, trying to clear her cluttered thoughts. She was almost convinced that she was imagining his presence.

But she was not. Reality slapped her, hard. 

She closed her eyes and when she opened them again, he was still there.

Zayyaan stared at Asiyah, his heart breaking for the girl he loved. As he moved towards her, she froze in bewilderment.

Asiyah could barely fathom what was happening. Zayyaan walked towards her slowly. As he neared her, she choked back the strangled sobs that she had tried to swallow.

"Asiyah." The way he said her name sent her reeling. Every word that had left his lips during the time she had been with him, passed through her mind.

She couldn't speak. She couldn't think. She just stared.

Uncertainly, he reached towards her and then pulled back. He did not know if she was still married or not.

At first, he was tongue tied by her presence. Eventually he found his voice.

"Assalaamualaykum." He greeted softly.

Asiyah's lips formed a reply but no words came out.

Zayyaan continued, "How have you been?" He asked softly. He hoped against hope that she would tell him that she was fine, she was happy. He could not accept the fact that she had suffered heartache. 

Asiyah remained silent. The words that met her lips died before they were said out loud.

"Asiyah, please can we talk?" Zayyaan asked almost pleadingly. 

She didn't move. The unspoken words in her mind refused to surface. She was completely and utterly numb.

Zayyaan's voice was barely above a whisper. "I cannot bear to see you like this." 

Asiyah continued to stand still, paralysed by the presence of Zayyaan. Her body slowly started to respond to her mind and the paralysis of shock began to wear off. She snapped out of her rambling thoughts and finally managed to give him a feeble nod.

He led her back into the mall, towards a quiet area. Asiyah's mind was running with a million questions. She wanted to know who was that woman? Was it his wife? Did he have kids? Does he still love her the way she loves him?

But she couldn't speak the words that attacked her mind. There was a huge lump stuck in her throat.

Zayyaan started to speak. When she didn't answer, he continued to speak. At first he spoke about general topics. It was as if he could continue the conversation from all those years ago. He could pick up where he left off. And if it was not for the last couple of years, Asiyah would have felt that he was continuing a conversation from four years ago. But the last few years had completely changed Asiyah. She was a woman who had gone through hell and somehow survived. She was a survivor of her morbid past.

Asiyah could barely concentrate on his words, the sound of his voice reverberated through her mind, streaming throughout her body. The flow of his sentences engraved itself into her mind, clutching at the crevices of her thoughts. She wanted to hold onto the sound of his voice, especially if this was a dream. 

She snapped out of her reverie when she realised he had directed a question at her. She stared at him blankly and he repeated his question.

"Are you happy Asiyah?" His voice was filled with emotion, maybe even love. Asiyah was unsure. She thought about lying to him. Telling him that she was happy, she was fine, she had moved on. But Zayyaan knew her better than that. It was as if he could not only read her thoughts but her eyes as well. He knew all the depths and layers of her tortured being. He knew all of her. 

She could feel that if she told Zayyaan she was okay, her weak lie would crust off the mountain of assurance she had created and he would peel back the layers and see the truth.

He would be able to see past her forced smile and nonchalant attitude. He would see past her blank eyes and into her craving heart. He would see her.

Asiyah cleared her throat, refusing to meet his gaze. But it was as if an invisible magnet forced her to meet his gaze. And when her eyes met his, the walls that held her together, began to fall apart. The foundation that she had built to keep her from crashing began to quake, shaking her entire existence. And suddenly, at that moment, Asiyah felt that she could tell him everything about her life. She felt that he could help her build a stronger wall of strength.

"No." She whispered, tears brimming in her eyes.

She was met with silence which stretched into the mirage which her tears had left.

When he replied, Asiyah's ears were met with the unexpected.

"Neither am I." The pain in his eyes snapped Asiyah out of all of her thoughts. She no longer cared about herself. She cared about him. She wanted him to be happy. Likewise, Zayyaan felt the same about her.

"Why not?" She demanded. Her eyes pierced straight though him. He felt that she could see every scar, every laceration, every rip that resided within his heart. 

Zayyaan averted his gaze, afraid to tell her that he still loved her. When her gaze did not move, he began speaking. Asiyah always had the power to make him speak, especially when she stared at him with piercingly demanding eyes.

He told her how he could never fell in love with anyone else. How he had spiralled into a depression but masked it by throwing himself into his work and the gym. How his heart felt crippled without her. Then he told her about Dilshaad. He told her that neither his heart - nor his mind - could ever feel an inclination towards her. 

And that is when Zayyaan said the words that Asiyah's heart had yearned for and her ears had craved for since the day the two had parted ways.

"I love you."

Chapter 21

Asiyah's mind lurched into a frenzy at those three words. Suddenly, it felt like a dam burst within her. She wanted to tell him everything that she had experienced in the time they had spent apart. She wanted to be completely honest and open with him. She wanted to let down all the barriers that clustered her heart and her mind and let him in. She wanted him to help her rebuild her wall of strength.

She broke down and started to speak. "Oh Zayyaan!" She uttered. Tears spilled out of her eyes and stained her pretty face. Zayyaan's fingers burned as he resisted wiping the tears from her face. Asiyah continued, "The last four years have taken a toll on my heart. I am no longer the young, carefree girl I once was. Time has sent me through an emotional roller coaster that has gone out of control."

As Asiyah paused for a breath, whilst organising her thoughts, Zayyaan's heart began to plummet.

"I never could get over you. After I married Riyaad, I couldn't find it in my heart to fall in love with him. My heart became a sea of dead weeds. And eventually, I began to love my husband as a friend. He was my best friend. And although he would get upset with me at times, as my blank emotion would frustrate him, he accepted me as I was. And when I finally came to terms with you being in my past, life slashed my heart once again. But I can never question why. It was all Allah's will. A terrifying accident claimed the life of my awakening heart, my baby, and my husband."

She continued to tell him about everything that had occurred since their contact had ceased. The words stumbled out of her, bruising him in ways he didn't think imaginable.

Zayyaan's heart ached for his first love. He wanted to hold her, to console her shattered pieces and help her put herself back together again. He wanted to spend his life tending to her every need. He wanted to clutch to the smithereens of her severed soul.

As the conversation came to an end, neither one of the two moved. They sat in comfortable silence, revelling in their own thoughts.

Eventually the two parted ways again. It was bitter sweet, neither of them knowing if they would meet again. Asiyah realised that talking to him helped her find some sort of closure. And in the very bottom of her heart, behind everything, hidden beneath the treasures of what lay within, Asiyah grasped onto hope. A hope that included Zayyaan. 

Days passed, giving way to weeks.

All Asiyah thought about was Zayyaan. She wanted to talk to him again but she knew he would soon be another woman's. He had not been hers for years and she couldn't just walk back into his life and claim his heart.

What she didn't realise is that she had always had a hold on Zayyaan's heart. And he too, had a hold on her heart.

Asiyah sank into her thoughts one night, thinking about Zayyaan. She grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her. A smile played on her lips as she allowed all the memories they had shared to come flooding back.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't realise Nuraan's entrance.

Nuraan stared at Asiyah in bewilderment. She couldn't remember seeing Asiyah like this in years. And there was only one person that could have this affect on Asiyah. 

"Asiyah?" Nuraan asked gently, startling her sister put of her thoughts. 

Asiyah jumped. "Huh?" She asked, clearly confused.

A small smile came to Nuraan's lips. "What was that smile about?" 

Asiyah shrugged, pretending to busy herself with a thread that found its way on her pillow. She didn't usually hide things from her sister but the unplanned meeting she had had with Zayyaan at the mall was her little secret. She knew it was wrong. She shouldn't have spent that time with Zayyaan but it had happened. He had taken Dilshaad ring shopping and then had left to look for Asiyah when Dilshaad had met a group of friends and insisted on having a coffee with them.

But Nuraan knew her sister well enough. "Is it because of Zayyaan?" Nuraan whispered as she closed the door behind her.


Asiyah nodded and began to explain the unexpected encounter she had had.

Nuraan was happy to see her sister happy and she really did not want to burst her bubble but she could not remain silent.

Nuraan explained that if Zayyaan was marrying another woman, Asiyah could not hold onto the hope of being with him. Asiyah completely agreed with her sister but she couldn't help feeling that iota of hope, deep within her.

Zayyaan too had hope that he could be with Asiyah. He didn't want to be in a loveless marriage. He wanted to be completely faithful to his wife, but how could he if his heart was in another woman's possession?

But he didn't have to worry about that for too long. Dilshaad had already planned her future, without Zayyaan. 

Early one morning, he received a call from Dilshaad. 

"Zayyaan!" She practically barked into the phone.

Startled, Zayyaan greeted her with salaam.

Dilshaad launched into a long explanation, without pausing. Much to Zayyaan's delight, Dilshaad no longer wanted to marry him. She felt that there was no connection and she yearned for that special connection. She had mentioned something about meeting someone else and hoping for a future with him. Zayyaan was genuinely happy for her. 

Sometimes life pans out in a way one does not expect. The unexpected reality can sometimes make or break a heart. And Asiyah and Zayyaan still awaited a reality that would engulf them both in sheer happiness.

After Dilshaad ended the engagement with Zayyaan, he pined for Asiyah's company.

And as inevitable cicumstances would have it, Asiyah and Zayyaan bumped into each other again. 

They were once again drawn to each other. Their hearts were intertwined in ways they too could not understand. 

They began spending hours in each others company, obliviously and hopelessly falling in love with each other all over again.

Asiyah's heart felt complete again, she could finally smile again. Really smile, from her heart. She felt whole, she felt complete. It was as if Zayyaan had always been the missing puzzle piece in her life. Her heart began to mend, piece by piece it came together again. The shattered shards of her once broken heart had formed a full, happy heart again.

The sparkle returned to her pretty eyes just as the glow began radiating from her face due to the sheer happiness she experienced.

The same girl who had been broken for so long was slowly but surely putting herself back together.

Everyone noticed the change in Asiyah. Anisa had a strange suspicion that Zayyaan was the reason for her daughter's change. But she dared not to question, she was afraid that her daughter would fall back into her own personal hell hole. And as a mother, she could not bear to see Asiyah with a broken heart. And at the same time, she knew that she had to question her daughter.

Anisa was torn between two places. She wanted to see her daughter happy again. For years she had missed the Asiyah that had a chirpy personality. But Asiyah first needed to know the truth.

Asiyah's smiles radiated throughout the household again. It almost began to feel like nothing had changed, that the four torturous years Asiyah had experienced never happened. It almost felt like they were living in the past.

But the past is concrete. It can never change, no matter how much one wills it to. And the scars the past leaves behind are permanent. They engrave themselves into one's memories and leave footprints in one's heart. One can never escape the past but one can choose to move on. After all, the past is the past because it doesn't last.

Zayyaan and Asiyah spoke about everything. But he treaded very delicately around the topic of her past. He knew that it had created wounds within her soul that could never be mended. And if Asiyah allowed him to, he would do everything he could to dress those wounds and hope for them to heal.

And then, to Asiyah's utter astonishment, Zayyaan brought up the topic of marriage.


"Asiyah, what do you think about getting married again?" Zayyaan asked. He loved spending time with Asiyah. He wanted to spend his life with her and he hoped with all of his heart that she felt the same way. He didn't want to place her in the position of committing unnecessary sin by spending time with him.

Gobsmacked, Asiyah turned towards him. She began to speak slowly. "Marriage? Who would want to marry me? I am so damaged, so beyond repair. I have way too much excess baggage. No one will ever be willing to take that responsibility."

"I will." Zayyaan whispered.

Asiyah looked into his greenish-brown eyes. They were filled with complete sincerity. 

She was about to reply when Zayyaan asked her the question that she would have said yes to a million times if there was nothing stopping her.

"Asiyah, will you do me the honour of making me your husband?" He asked.

Taken aback, Asiyah's breathing faltered. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to be Zayyaan's wife. She did not want to let go of her happiness again. No, this time she was adamant to be happy.

Zayyaan told her about his life without her. He didn't want to live without the love of his life. And she too, felt the same. He wanted to be her committed husband.

But the past loomed above them, reminding them of what had happened the first time he had asked for Asiyah's hand in marriage. Fear engulfed their thoughts. Both of them did not want to hold on to hope, only for it to be dashed. 

So they both decided that this time they would speak to their parents. And this time, they would get answers.


Chapter 22

When Asiyah went home that day, she approached her mother, desperate to learn the truth behind her rejection of Zayyaan. 

She had spent too many years drowning in a sea of pain, it was about time that she knew why her mother had forbidden a relationship that had the strongest roots.

A part of her did not want to bring up the topic again. She did not want to see the look of pain on her mother's face, it would be too much to bear. But Asiyah needed Zayyaan in her life. Now, more than ever. He was her safe place, her pillar of strength, and the love of her life. 

And if Asiyah could not be with Zayyaan, she needed to know why. Her heart and soul needed a reason if she could not be with the one she wanted and needed to be with.

Zayyaan dressed Asiyah's heart with happiness and her soul with contentment. When she was with him, she had the desire to be a better person. He made her want to try hard in everything she pursued in life. 

The two were made for each other. They both had soft hearts and complete grace. As much as they were alike, they were also world's apart. The two complemented one another in their differences. 

Their hearts were connected in such a beautiful, intense way that they too, could not comprehend. All they knew was that an unknown force attracted them to one another.

The chemistry that flowed between them was unreal. And if they could feel such a chemistry before committing to one another in a halaal way, how strong would that chemistry be if they could get married? 

But as much as Asiyah's heart called for Zayyaan, she would first need her mother's blessing. 

When Anisa saw a nervous looking Asiyah approach her, Anisa knew that Asiyah came to ask about Zayyaan. She could just see it in her daughter's eyes. After all, the woman that gives birth to her daughter, knows her daughter all too well.

"Mum?" Asiyah asked cautiously. She didn't know where to start or how to demand answers from the woman that had raised her. And how could she demand anything from her mother when Anisa was Asiyah's weakness? A single look into Anisa's face, would soften Asiyah's heart.

Anisa took a deep breath, preparing herself for the question that had haunted her daughter for years. The same question that had given Asiyah sleepless nights. 

"Yes honey?" Anisa asked, trying to control the shakiness in her tone.

"I need to talk to you." Asiyah treaded the waters delicately. She couldn't just jump in and throw her mother into the deep end.

"What is it?" Anisa forced a smile onto her worried face.

"Ummmm... I..." Asiyah stuttered, unable to bring the topic up.

"Go on." Anisa prodded gently. She knew that it had to be about Zayyaan but what if she was wrong and it was not about Zayyaan? Anisa didn't want to bring him up if he was not the reason for her daughter's smile.

Asiyah took a deep, comforting breath. It was now or never. "Mum, Zayyaan and I have recently reconnected." Asiyah paused and Anisa tried hard to keep the smile on her face. "I... We want... mum, please tell me the reason you had forbidden marriage to Zayyaan? I need to know. I've been through so much in the last few years that I'm aching for some sort of happiness. I pine for a healed heart." Tears fell from Asiyah's eyes and Anisa's too.

The two woman gazed at each other, crying delicately into the rivers of pain.

Anisa eventually pulled herself together and began to speak.

What Asiyah heard next, she had never imagined - even in her wildest dreams. She couldn't believe it. It felt unreal, untrue... and Asiyah hoped for her mother's sake that it was not true but unfortunately it was the harsh reality. 

Burhaan and Anisa had had a relationship when Anisa was in her teenage years. The two were madly in love, planning their future together. They were unrivalled sweethearts. But at the time, Burhaan had reflected signs of suffering from a personality disorder. 


Anisa had initially ignored it, blissfully happy in her relationship. She could not accept the fact that her perfect man had any sort of problem.

And that was her initial mistake. She was in denial and so she ignored all the signs. She ignored all the times that he would change in a matter of seconds, from exceptionally happy to frighteningly violent. She didn't believe that he would ever hurt her.

And that is when things turned around. 

Burhaan forced himself onto Anisa at the tender age of sixteen, raping her. 

When he finally came to his senses, he tortured himself. He was disgusted that he could ever commit such a vile, despicable act. That's not who he was. Violence was not his second nature. Or so he hoped to believe.

He had stolen Anisa's innocence, her dignity, her honour. The mere act had ruined Anisa. For years, she had been unable to be near a man without having a panic attack. She did not trust men, not until Asiyah's father came into her life. 

Thankfully, she hadn't fallen pregnant on that sordid night. She had lived with the burden of this secret for years. She hadn't told a soul, not even her mother. 

She had been ashamed, violated, physically and mentally hurt.

And Burhaan had punished himself countless times. He refused to accept the fact that he had hurt the woman he loved. 

He would inflict pain on himself, his hatred for himself seeping into his veins. He had tried to end his life numerous times, after which he finally accepted that he needed help. 

Burhaan could barely live with his sin. Anisa's bloodcurdling screams sounded into his head, torturing his soul. The screams of a young girl who was ripped away of her innocence kept him up at night. He would never forget the look on her face. He would never forget her.

When he finally received help, he completely changed. He became quiet and reserved. He religiously consumed his medication in an effort to get better.

And he did. Burhaan's mental state improved but he never forgave himself. He was punished through dreams of Anisa, her pleading, sixteen year old face.

He had wanted to apologise to her, to beg for her forgiveness. But he was too ashamed to ever face her again. 

So when he saw her after the decades that had passed, in her very own house, he could no longer handle it. He had suffered several heart attacks and he was currently in hospital. And his last wish was to apologise to Anisa. 

Little did Anisa or Asiyah know that Burhaan was not Zayyaan's real father. 

He had married Zayyaan's mother shortly after Zayyaan's first birthday. Burhaan was the only father Zayyaan had ever known. His real father had died shortly after Zayyaan had been conceived. 


Chapter 23

Anisa completed her story as tears streamed down her face.

Asiyah stared at her mother, the blood draining from her face. The blood which continued to flow through her veins ran ice cold. She never knew that her beautiful mother had suffered so much.

She wished that her mother could tell her that it wasn't true, that it was a bad dream, or even a bad thought, but it wasn't. To Asiyah's dismay, it was completely true. 

The tears that fell from her mother's face created a pool of shame, pain, hurt and an odd sense of relief. Her mother had kept this secret for so many years, she hadn't revealed it to anyone. Anisa did not speak about it to anyone and lived through it in complete isolation. 

Telling Asiyah about her past felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of Anisa's shoulders. Apart from telling her daughter the truth that she needed to know for years, she also said it out loud for the first time. And for the first time in her life, Anisa accepted the past.

For so long she had needed to share her secret but she had been unaware of how much she needed to share it.

Anisa had felt dirty and worthless for many years after that fateful day. Her self worth lay in the ground, along with her dignity. It took her years to believe that she was not worthless.

Humans do not always understand the importance of sharing a strenuous event with someone trustworthy. Sharing such an event leads to acceptance and relief. 

Asiyah gripped Anisa in a tight hug. Words failed her and tears gushed out of her eyes. Although she was a registered counsellor, when it came to her own flesh and blood, she could not deliver advice. All she could do was hold on to her mother and pray for her.

Some scars can never disappear. They can be locked up and the key can be tossed aside. But they will never fully vanish. Some scars are there to stay and only prayer can heal them.

Asiyah felt overcome with grief for the ordeal her mother had suffered through. "I'm so sorry, Mum. If I had known, I would have tried to make your life as easy as possible. I wouldn't have been such a teenage rebel... I..." Asiyah trailed off. She would have said that she would have never even thought of the possibility of marrying Zayyaan but that would have been a lie. A complete and utter lie.

For love is a strange emotion. It consumes one wholly and completely. It cancels out rational thinking. It blinds one from any negativity. It captures the heart and floats through the veins. It clouds the mind from better judgement. After all, it devours every inch, every thought, every part of a human. 

Love cancels out negativity and brings forth positivity. It makes one delusional, creating a bubble of security and invincibility.

And although love is so powerful and consuming, there is beauty in it. It softens hard hearts and crystallises darkness within a soul, making the soul brighter - better. It is the foundation of many other emotions. It clears thunderous clouds within one's heart and brings forth light which bursts through all of the interstices of the complicated heart. It grasps and embraces all of the crevices of the heart with tiny specks of beauty. It reflects off of one's actions and off of one's face. But the biggest giveaway of love lies within the pool of emotion which lays within one's eyes.

It is the only emotion which connects souls, which allows people to embrace souls. It finds perfection in imperfection.

And in Islam, the beauty of love is incomparable to any other type of love. In islam, love begins with Allah. A type of love which is so different, a love so intense for the being one has never laid eyes upon. A sublime kind of love. And once the love for Allah and His beloved prophet (peace be upon him) takes residence in one's heart, other types of love begins to blossom. And when forbidden love occurs between a man and a woman, the only remedy for such a type of love is the halaal union - nikaah.

But Asiyah did not know if she would ever be able to remedy her love for Zayyaan after listening to her mother's story.

Surely, her mother would never allow such a union. She didn't expect Anisa to ever allow her daughter to be with her rapist's son.

But Asiyah could not help it. She needed Zayyaan in her life, otherwise the love she had for him would destroy her.

Asiyah felt guilty as she realised this. She paused for a second before whispering soft apologies into her mother's ear. 

What more could the young girl tell her mother? 

Anisa pulled away and looked into her daughter's eyes. The words that tumbled off her tongue shocked Asiyah. 

"Honey, my goal is to see my daughters happy. I thought that you would eventually find happiness with Riyaad. And although I could see that he made you happy and you loved him, I was never truly convinced that you ever fell in love with him. And that broke my heart every single day. It was unfair that your heart remained in the hands of another. I know you're still in love with Zayyaan. The sparkle has returned to your eyes and you have a skip in your step again. I'll be damned if I stand in the way of your happiness. Not again..."

Asiyah stared at her mother, completely dumbfounded. She opened her mouth to reply but no words came out. These words were something she had least expected.

Her mother continued. "But there's just one thing you need to know. If you want Zayyaan and if you want to marry him, I will give you my blessings. But I will not attend the wedding. I cannot see his father again. Now tell me, is Zayyaan the reason for this newfound happiness of yours?"

Asiyah nodded. She was numb. There were a million emotions running through her that she couldn't make out head from tail. 

When Asiyah finally spoke, she held onto her mother for dear life. "Mum, I don't want to hurt you. I cannot. If this hurts you, please tell me. I will sacrifice my happiness for you." As those words left her mouth, Asiyah wished that she could mean it. But she couldn't. She would give up her happiness to prevent her mother from hurting but she would fall back into her dark world. And it was a world she so desperately needed to leave but she thought she was stuck.

After all, Asiyah was so used to being unhappy that she was certain this happiness would be ripped away from her. She was certain that it would be short lived. 

But Anisa could not allow her daughter to suffer any more than she already had. "It will hurt me to watch you hurt. Marry Zayyaan and be happy. You deserve happiness."

Chapter 24

After much deliberation and constant prayer, Asiyah decided to perform two rakaats and ask Allah for guidance. 

She went to sleep that night, hoping that she would receive a crystal clear answer. And she was not disappointed. She dreamt that she was in a beautiful garden which stretched on for miles.

There were a million different flowers which were a sea of different colours. Colours she had never imagined. The sun reflected off the different colours, transporting her to an unknown world. A world which was unfamiliar but comfortable. Asiyah looked around, confused. And then her eyes met the eyes of the man she loved: Zayyaan. She stared at him longingly. He walked slowly towards her, all the while reciting verses from the holy quraan.

He offered an outstretched hand to Asiyah and she eagerly grasped it.

Thereafter, he led her into another world. A realistic world which held the feeling of happiness which her heart so desperately desired. And in this world she entered a home filled with happiness and joy. 

She looked at the man who clutched her hand and followed his gaze. She saw herself and Zayyaan playing with a little girl whose laughter soared into the depths of darkness within Asiyah's soul, enlightening every iota of darkness. It was as if she was watching her life play out in front of her. She wanted to be the happy Asiyah she saw in the image that played out before her.

When Asiyah woke up, a sense of contentment enveloped every part of her. She had forgotten how wonderful it felt to feel so content.

She smiled to herself and decided to contact Zayyaan.

As she dialled his number, she wondered what she would tell him. For a moment, she thought about backing out. Did he know what had happened between Burhaan and Anisa? Should she tell him what happened? 

Asiyah quickly hung up the phone and contemplated her next move. She finally decided to tell Zayyaan. He deserved to know. But Burhaan should have told him. Asiyah was two minded about the situation.

Her phone rang, bursting her out of her thoughts. It was Zayyaan.

"Assalaamualaykum?" Asiyah answered. 

"Wa alaykum salaam. Asiyah? Did you try calling me?" Zayyaan's velvety voice came through the earpiece.

"Um... yes. I did, actually." Asiyah was silent for a moment. "I think we need to talk." 

Zayyaan's heart dropped. He expected the worst. Would Asiyah be forced to end things with him once and for all?

But Asiyah quickly eased his troubled heart. "Don't stress too much... We just really need to talk."

They decided to meet at a quiet coffee shop. 

Both of them looked nervous. Asiyah decided to get straight into the topic instead of stretching out the suspense. 

She had decided to tell him exactly what her mother had told her. She needed to get it off her chest. And she hoped that Burhaan had already told Zayyaan of his sordid past. 

"Zayyaan, what I need to tell you could possibly be life changing. So I need you to decide if you want to know what I am about to tell you."

Zayyaan glanced at Asiyah's shaking hands and looked into her eyes. He knew that she had told him to relax but what if what she needed to say would dash all hope of them ever being together? But he needed to know what she had to say. If there was absolutely no chance of a future for them, he wanted to know.

He took her shaking hands into his and smiled. "Asiyah, you know how much I love you and that will never change, no matter what. I want you to tell me whatever it is."

And so Asiyah slowly began to relay the story her mother told her. She watched as Zayyaan's face constricted into shock, disgust and pain. He looked traumatised.

Zayyaan could barely wrap his head around the story he was being told. 

But he believed it. Because this was the 'disgusting thing' his father always mentioned to him, ever since he was little. 

Zayyaan's heart began to ache for his father and Anisa. 

Why did the past have to be so hauntingly true?

As the tears left Zayyaan's eyes, Asiyah trailed off. She needed Zayyaan to respond. She probed him with her eyes but he remained silent for a very long time.

Then he began to speak in a strangled, soft voice. "My father is not my biological father, but he is the only man I have known to be my father. My real father passed on before I was born. The man that I know as my father is not the same man you have described. You see, my dad had a personality disorder for years, well from what I understood. It could have been more serious than I thought though. He always told me that he did something terrible when he was young. He told me how he wanted to apologise, how he needed to be forgiven. He dedicated his life towards being a better man. A role model. And honestly? He perfected that role. He taught me to treat women with utmost respect, to treat them as queens. To always remember that women are more precious than all the money in the world. He instilled these morals and values in me. He moulded me to become the man he never could be. But he was the man that he thought he could never be. He doesn't realise that he changed. That his actions led him to become better. What he did to your mother is unforgiveable. It truly disgusts me. The same person who hurt a woman in the most treacherous ways has taught me to never even allow a pin to hurt a woman... How ironic... I cannot apologise for my father. But I can tell you this. He hates himself up until today. He lives with the regret. He tries to be better..." 

Zayyaan trailed off, lost in thought. When his eyes met Asiyah's again, he continued to speak.

"I completely understand why your  mother did not give us her blessings before and I will understand if she says no again. In fact, I expect her to never accept me. Maybe you should tell your mother that my father - Burhaan - is my stepfather so that she understands that there is no blood relation between us. But I do love him. He is the only man that has been a father to me and he will always be a father to me. Asiyah, speak to your mother, maybe her heart will soften towards me... And if she can never allow her heart to accept me as her son in law, I'll walk away to save your family from further heartache. Asiyah, I want you to know that I love you. I always have and always will love you. And I want to marry you."

Asiyah gasped, her heart was elated. Her mother had already accepted Zayyaan. "My mother has already given her blessings for our union." Then Asiyah's face dropped. "But she won't come to the wedding."

Zayyaan's face beamed ecstatically. His heart soared and a feeling of bliss enveloped every fibre of his being.

Then he sighed. "There's one more thing you should know. My father is critically ill. And he only has one wish... To apologise to the person he has hurt the most. And I have a feeling that may be your mother."

Chapter 25

Zayyaan approached his weak father and had a heart to heart conversation with him. Burhaan admitted to his woeful act and broke down in tears. His thin body shook with so much of guilt that Zayyaan thought his father had gone into shock. Burhaan wanted to apologise to Anisa, he felt that he needed to, before his time came to an end.

Zayyaan told Asiyah that his father had begged him to arrange a meeting with Anisa, so that he could apologise and ask for her forgiveness. 

Asiyah eventually built up the courage to notify her mother regarding Zayyaan's father's request. 

She approached Anisa, who was busy preparing dinner, cautiously and asked, "Mum, do you have a moment? There's something I'd like to talk to you about."

Anisa glanced at her daughter, wondering what she was about to say. She couldn't have possibly decided that she did not want to be with Zayyaan. Anisa could see the sparkle in Asiyah's eye, she was full of life again.

"What is it?" Anisa asked with a worried smile.

"I spoke to Zayyaan..." Asiyah trailed off, unsure how to continue.

"And?" Anisa probed

"Please don't get upset, mum... I told him what had happened between you and his father."

Anisa dropped the spoon she was holding and the colour drained from her face. "Why would you do that?" She asked.

"He deserved to know too... Mum, Zayyaan will never look at you any differently. He has a heart of gold. He will not judge a man who has a glass of alcohol to his lips - that's the kind of person Zayyaan is."

Anisa felt a little better and told Asiyah to go on.

"Anyway, Burhaan is not Zayyaan's real father. He married Zayyaan's mother when Zayyaan was a year old. His real father passed away before he was born."

A pang of guilt stabbed Anisa's heart. She had put her daughter through so much, believing that the father of the man her daughter loved was a rapist. 

Asiyah noticed the look on Anisa's face. "You didn't know, don't feel bad. It's not your fault."

"I'm so sorry baby. I wish I could rewrite history and fix everything."

"Remember, that everything that has happened was a test from Allah. Oh! And there's something else that I need to tell you. But you need to remain calm and think rationally."

"What is it?" Anisa asked nervously.

"Burhaan dedicated his life to become a better person. Apparently, he went a little crazy after what he did. He almost killed himself numerous times. He hated himself all of his life. He raised Zayyaan to be the man that he never could. He taught Zayyaan to treat women like a rare treasure. He tried to redeem himself by the upbringing of Zayyaan. And Zayyaan became the gentleman that Burhaan believed he could never be. You saw the character of Zayyaan..."

Anisa could not deny that Zayyaan had a beautiful character. "So what do you need to ask?" Anisa wondered out loud.

And then Asiyah asked her mother the dreaded question. "He wants to meet you. To apologise. He's on his death bed and he needs to apologise. Apparently he wanted to apologise for years but he could never muster up the courage. Mum, I know this will be hard but it might just help you truly overcome it."

Anisa stared at her daughter in shock. She was taken aback and she didn't know what to say. She did not want to see the man she had hated for so long ever again. She didn't want to see his face and have the memories which she had tried so hard to suppress, come whirling back. But then again, maybe an apology from him may bring about closure. Maybe she needed an apology to feel completely worthwhile again. Maybe she needed an apology so that she could stop blaming and hating herself.

She was so confused so she turned to her Lord asking the All - Knowing to guide her. 

And Allah answered her prayers. She had the sudden, overwhelming feeling to allow Burhaan to apologise.




Anisa approached Asiyah and told her what she felt. The next day, Asiyah and Anisa accompanied Zayyaan to the hospital. Anisa was a bundle of nerves. She was terrified to see the face of her rapist again and relive the frightful memories which had haunted her for years. 

Asiyah squeezed her mother's hand  reassuringly.

Anisa's knees felt as though they would give way. She began to sweat profusely, fanning herself. Asiyah consoled her mother by instructing her to breathe. When Anisa finally controlled her emotions, they entered the hospital.

When Zayyaan's mother saw Anisa, she hugged her with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry." She whispered. Zayyaan's mother had learned about her husband's wretched past in the last few years. But she did not know that Anisa was the woman that her husband had hurt in such a vile manner until the previous week.

Asiyah coaxed her mother gently and the two made their way into Burhaan's hospital room. The man before them looked frail and helpless. When he saw Anisa, his face crumpled in pain, heartache and self disgust.

At first, he was silent, staring at the woman whom he had hurt. Anisa looked away, unable to look at his face for too long. Her hands shook in fear.

"Anisa." He said in a soft, scratchy voice. "I need to speak to you in private." He was so disgusted with himself that he couldn't possibly expose his sins in front of Asiyah, not realising that Asiyah had already known the truth.

"No!" Anisa exclaimed a little too forcefully. "Whatever you want to say, you can say it in front of my daughter." She said as hostility dripped from her voice in an icy cold manner. 

Very slowly, Burhaan began to speak. He told Anisa how he hated himself after what he did and how he tried to end his life. He told her how he hated himself even more after his failed suicide attempts. He told her that he had tried running away from his past by moving to another country. He told her that he had not been in his right mind that night. He told her how he prayed for her everyday and how he had sought help. He told her how he punished himself for his actions. He told her how he wanted to apologise for years but he couldn't. He told her how his dreams haunted him. He told her how the regret had never left him, not even for a second. And finally, he asked her for her forgiveness. The tears rolled off his thin face and onto his pillow, drenching it. 

The sincerity in his voice could not be ignored. His tears created a vortex of sorrow, regret and pain. He shook uncontrollably, his cries refusing to cease. He could barely look at Anisa any longer.

Anisa stared at the weak man, her own tears falling silently off her face. 

All the while, Burhaan continued to beg for her forgiveness. Anisa could not speak, she could barely think. 

Anisa redirected her mind to silent prayers, asking Allah for some sort if guidance.

Flashes of that sorrowful night filled her mind. At first, the images were crystal clear. But as the minutes ticked by, the images of her past began fading and becoming vague. Anisa knew what she had to do.

And suddenly Burhaan clutched his heart as the machine started to beep insistently. For a second, Burhaan's pleading eyes met Anisa's again and in that second she whispered loud enough for him to hear. "I forgive you." 

The fire that burned in his eyes, begging for forgiveness ceased. A look of calm overcame him.

And as the machines continued to insistently beep, the doctors rushed in. Anisa, Asiyah and Zayyaan were pushed out of the room which was abuzz with frenzy. 

Moments later, the doctor notified them that Burhaan was still unconscious. They were uncertain if he would ever wake up again. Zayyaan and his mother rushed into the room. 

They stared at Burhaan's body, which seemed almost lifeless. His breathing appeared irregular.

The steady beep began to seize into the dreaded sound that many wish to never hear in their lifetime. And as Burhaan's lips curved into a slight smile, the life was taken away from him and he returned to his Lord.



Zayyaan and his mother cried tears of pain, clutching each of his hands. They kissed his forehead and whispered silent prayers.

They exited the room, drenched in tears. Zayyaan's mother hugged Anisa. "Thank you for granting him his last wish." 

Strangely enough, Anisa felt better after forgiving Burhaan. She felt a sort of contentment fall over her. She had held on to the past for so long, she had not even noticed. 

She now understood that the Burhaan she had initially known would have never hurt her. She understood that he had a personality disorder of some sort. She understood that had he been in his right mind, he wouldn't have hurt her. 

After all, Burhaan had been a good man apart from the few actions which had haunted him for years. Had it not been for his mental illness which had dominated his personality the few times that it had, he would have been an amazing man.

Anisa understood that this was her life and she finally felt free.

She even attended Burhaan's funeral and she prayed for him.

The same man that she had hated and was sure that she could never forgive, she forgave. Such is life, the notion of death soften hearts and coaxes forgiveness.

Chapter 26

The weeks passed Zayyaan in a blur. He missed his father but he had consolation in the fact that Burhaan had had a smile on his face when he was passing away.

Slowly, Zayyaan adjusted to the newfound absence of his father.

After a month, Zayyaan realised that he could no longer delay marriage to Asiyah. He needed her in his life, the way she needed him in her life.

He contacted Asiyah's mother and made plans to propose to Asiyah. Zayyaan's mother gave her blessings to her son, elated to see the smile on her son's face. She advised Zayyaan to set the nikah date as soon as possible, even if she could not attend since she was sitting in iddat. 

Zayyaan went to Asiyah's house to formally propose. He entered the house and was greeted warmly by Anisa, Saeed and Nuraan. After exchanging pleasantries, Asiyah entered the sitting room. Zayyaan's breath caught in his throat at the mere sight of her.

She was simply dressed, in an elegant black abaya and a black hijab which was perched softly on her head. Her face was radiant, she was beaming from within. For the first time in the last few years, Asiyah truly smiled. A carefree, happy smile which reflected in her eyes.

After everyone was seated, Zayyaan began to speak, asking for Anisa's blessings to marry her daughter. Contrary to the last time Zayyaan had proposed, Anisa ecstatically agreed. The room erupted in joyous squeals, with Asiyah smiling wider than she ever had.

As everyone settled down, the nikah date was set for two weeks time. They would have a small get together after the nikah with close family and friends.

The two weeks whirled past Asiyah. This time, Asiyah voluntarily took part in all the preparations. 

The day of the wedding finally arrived. Asiyah donned a beautiful ivory gown and a matching hijab. Her makeup was applied minimally by her sister.

She was a beautiful image, wrapped in absolute perfection. Light shone from within her, enhancing her features. She radiated with a happiness which was foreign to her.

Her heart thumped incessantly as she heard the arrival of Zayyaan. She was now married to her one true love. Her fingers itched to hold him as hers, in a halal way.

Nuraan called Asiyah and she slowly descended the stairs. The room fell silent as all eyes turned to Asiyah. Zayyaan's smile lit up the entire room.

As their eyes met, their hearts connected, truly connected, and began to beat as one. Asiyah felt renewed, it was as if she was blessed with a second chance and this time all her dreams were coming true.

The two embraced, their pounding hearts hammering in their chests. The love that emanated from their pure embrace bounced off the walls, enveloping all the guests who erupted in congratulations for the newly wed couple.

Asiyah and Zayyaan still hadn't had a chance to talk to each other. Nuraan quickly approached them and reminded them to pray two rakaat salaah to begin their marriage with blessings. Zayyaan clutched Asiyah's hand and led her to the room. He closed the door gently behind him.

Before Asiyah could speak, he began reciting the very verse that had renewed Asiyah's faith after she had plummeted into turmoil. "Verily, with hardship comes ease." The first words he said to his wife were the words of Allah.

Asiyah's healed heart erupted in joy. She closed her eyes as he completed his recitation, revelling in the calming words as they washed over her.

Then he hugged her and whispered, "I love you, my dear wife."

_____________________________

Epilogue

*Three years later*

Asiyah woke up, stretching lazily, softly reciting her duas. She turned to her side and watched a peaceful Zayyaan. As she stared at him, she realised that every single thing that had happened in her life had led her to this moment. It was all part of her taqdeer, all of which had been pre-written. 

Every heartache and heartbreak she had been through had been redeemed through happiness. And she knew that every iota of pain that she had experienced was a test. If she had passed those tests and if Allah was pleased with her, heaven and all of its treasures awaited her.

An overwhelming feeling overcame Asiyah as she realised that even though this world is a prison for the believer, Allah still blesses His servants with happiness. She sighed in contentment, Allah had answered her prayers, how fortunate was she!

Had it not been for the memories of Riyaad and their baby, it would have felt as though the last few years never happened. The memories filled with heartache and pain had left with the strong winds of her happiness, howling to be remembered. All it had left behind were the lessons it had taught Asiyah, moulding her into the woman she was today.

Zayyaan lazily opened his eyes and was greeted by his gorgeous, smiling wife.

She kissed him gently before getting out of the bed. She needed to prepare before her family came over.

Zayyaan would recite quraan loudly every morning, his velvety, smooth voice reverberating through the house, caressing the ears of its inhabitants. 

Asiyah watched him as he intently recited the quraan, remembering the first time she had ever heard his voice, the first time she had hopelessly fallen in love with him. The sweet memory brought a nostalgic smile to her face. 

He turned around after he completed the verse and looked at her. "What's that smile about?" He asked sweetly. 

Asiyah's grin widened. "I'm smiling for all the blessings Allah has bestowed upon me, you being one of them."

His lips curved into a perfect smile as he got up and hugged Asiyah. "Verily, with hardship comes ease." He recited in Arabic. 

She repeated the phrase in English and exclaimed, "Alhamdullillah! All the hardship we went through has been gifted by ease." 

Zayyaan kissed Asiyah long and hard as her heart rate quickened.

Later that day, Zayyaan sneaked up on Asiyah and encircled her growing belly. She was staring in awe at their two year old triplets who sat laughing and cooing on the warm, summer grass. The three girls were identical to one another and had Asiyah's dark brown hair and Zayyaan's green-brown eyes. Their smiles were a perfect combination of their parents'. They had plump, rosy cheeks and thick, dark lashes. 

The couple stared at their little girls, enjoying the sound of their laughter.

Zayyaan kissed Asiyah's neck and smiled down at his pregnant wife.

She was expecting again. Allah had taken away her one child all those years ago only to bless her with three beautiful children at once and another one on the way. 

When Allah takes something away from His servants, surely it will be replaced. How merciful is the Lord of all the world's?

"Alhamdullillah." Zayyaan whispered as he stared into Asiyah's eyes.

Asiyah giggled and sighed contentedly. "Alhamdullillah." She repeated.

The doorbell rang and moments later, in came Nuraan and her two little boys, Nuraan's husband, Anisa, and Saeed. A few seconds later, Zayyaan's mother arrived.

Nuraan's little boys ran to the triplets in absolute delight, squealing happily. 

As Asiyah's family sat down for lunch, she gazed at the people around her and smiled happily. 

Once upon a time she had been a lost cause, a rebel, an immoral teenager. She had grown, truly grown, after she had found Allah. She had changed drastically, losing her immoral ways and submitting to Allah as best as she could. 

And then she had been tested to great lengths. And when her stained soul and broken heart could bear no more, Allah had blessed her with the happiness and love she craved.